Office Update...

No, Bill Gates hasn't been at it again... (well, maybe he has, but that's not what I'm on about!)

A short while back, I mentioned that I was considering switching from the Novus Ordo Divine Office to the old Breviary, partly because of the differences in calendars between the two, and I asked for advice, because Baronius seem to be no nearer publication of their new Latin-English version, and I don't have enough Latin to cope with the full Breviary without a translation.

Several people mentioned the Monastic Diurnal, produced by the St. Michael's Abbey Press. The only problem with it was the fact that it didn't include Matins. Now, I do enjoy the Office of Readings, (the Novus Ordo version of Matins) unless the second reading is by St. Augustine of Hippo or is an excerpt from Gaudium et Spes or Lumen Gentium, so I was a little reluctant to ditch this Hour. However, the ICEL psalms were beginning to grate on my nerves more than a little, and greater familiarity with the snippets of Scripture used in the Mass Propers (I've been typing the Rossini Propers out for our choir)  encouraged me to look into it further.

I'm not obliged, as a laywoman, to pray the Office, but it is part of the Rule of Life I adopted when I took my vows. So I feel under obligation - and I certainly notice the detrimental effects in my spiritual life on the occasions when I omit to pray the Office.

My SD told me that Matins was actually part of the Night Office, and he didn't seem to think that, in my case, the lack of that Hour would be a problem. I also reflected that the Hour of Prime would be added, and I'd be praying Terce, Sext and Nones instead of a single "Hour During the Day." I decided to go ahead and order the Diurnal; if the worst came to the worst, I figured I could sell it on Ebay, and go back to the Novus Ordo Office.

It arrived the other day. The book definitely feels better than the Novus Ordo one: it's much smaller and more flexible, the binding is of much better quality, and so is the paper. Although the paper is still thin, at least I cannot actually read what is printed on the other side of the page. The language (of the English translation, obviously) strikes a chord: I have prayed the Office for the last fifteen years, so the psalms and canticles are familiar, but the language in the Diurnal is so much richer and more nuanced.

Take this example from Compline: "the devil, as a roaring lion, goeth about seeking whom he may devour." The Novus Ordo has: "the devil is prowling round like a roaring lion, looking for someone to eat." There's not a lot in it, if you just look at the bald meaning of the words, but somehow "looking for someone to eat" is less punchy than "seeking whom he may devour." I get the distinct impression that the second lion is going to be allowed to devour several somebodies, while the first is merely hopeful of getting a nibble at one. Also, "roaring" lions don't prowl. Prowling implies stealth and silence. Definitely not roaring.

The only problem with the Diurnal is the lack of clear rubrics. Presumably, the majority of users have spent some time in a Benedictine monastery or convent, and have been shown what to do and say. I am having to flick back and forth to check what the versicles are when only a word or two is given, and I spent ages trying to work out why, at Lauds, I only had five antiphons, but I had six psalms and a canticle (yeah, yeah... I eventually twigged that three psalms were said together and so only have the one antiphon... but it wasn't in the rubrics!) Also, two of the psalms of Sunday Lauds are replaced by two others at certain times of the year... only the rubric telling you this is on the page after the first two psalms, so bad luck if you didn't happen to check ahead...

I can certainly see why the Novus Ordo Divine Office is, in comparison, sometimes referred to as the "Little Office of Vatican II."

In the meantime, if you'll excuse me, I have to go and say Compline...

Have Pity On A Poor Damsel In Distress...

Well, ok, not distress, exactly... but it isn't much fun to be beaten in the Best Religion Blog category by an atheist's blog...

I'm now on page 2.  While you're at it, help to give all our Catholic blogs a boost in the ratings!

Rather Appropriate...

Given my latest activities on the home front, I found this amusing...

How Did They Know I Am A Teacher?

Not a single question about my job, but the results seemed rather appropriate...

You Are a Red Pen

You have an eagle eye for detail, and this often means you end up finding mistakes in people's work. You may seem quick to criticize or correct, but you think accuracy and truth is important. You like to be involved in every project. You feel like you put the polishing touch on things. You would make a good editor, detective, or accountant. When facts matter, you're the person to call on.

What Office Supply Are You?

Twitch of the mantilla to the Ironic Catholic.

Oooooooh... Clerical Claws Are Out!

Heheheheheh.

Fr. Longenecker threw down the gauntlet to Fr. Z, choosing, as his weapon of choice, clerical garb, with a Western twist.

Fr. Z, after a brief consideration of food and birdseed, decided upon sartorial elegance, using the classic Mulier Fortis technique, with a shot from behind. He also pointed out that he was walking on water.

Excellent stuff.

I've decided to stir things a little. 

His Hermeneuticalness, celebrating his first million hits on his blog this lunchtime, was seen to be sporting a rather swish ferraiuolo.  Yes, I know he should have been wearing his biretta, but I didn't know about the fight then. And, although he's not walking on water, he was certainly responsible for ensuring that the bar didn't run out of beer...

So, if I can't be a traddy womynpriest, I'm appointing myself as umpire. In a mantilla. The rules are as follows... first one to appear in cassock, ferraiuolo, buckled shoes and soup-plate hat wins.

Literary Pretentions...

I have a devotion to St. Anne Line, and I adopted her as a patron saint when I decided to take private vows.  She's one of the three female canonised English martyrs, and I particularly liked the feisty way she answered her judges when accused of harbouring priests.

Not much is known about her life - even the year of her birth is uncertain - though her death was well-documented.

Unfortunately, another friend of mine, none other than Auntie Joanna, knew of my affection for St. Anne, and she managed to talk me into writing a chapter about the saint for her new book, English Catholic Heroines.

It has proved to be extremely difficult to write. It should have been completed back in December. Admittedly, I did get a bad case of flu, which gives me a teensy weensy excuse. But I knew at the time that I would regret agreeing to it. I think it's done now...

I need to tape a card to my computer screen with "Gosh, that's so kind of you to ask, but I'm afraid that..." and then a selection of endings to be applied as needed, for example: "...the cat has been sick on my keyboard," "...I am temporarily insane, and so can't be held responsible for my actions," and "...I've converted to Mormonism."  And then I need to send it out to everyone who asks me to do anything.

I wonder if I can use it to get out of being a Confirmation catechist next year...

Forbearance

We had a sermon mentioning this fruit of the Holy Spirit last Sunday, and it struck me quite forcefully.

The twelve fruits of the Holy Spirit are a little difficult to remember off-hand; this is partly due, I'm sure, to the fact that there are so many different descriptions of them. I looked them up in the Catechism:

1832 The fruits of the Spirit are perfections that the Holy Spirit forms in us as the first fruits of eternal glory. The tradition of the Church lists twelve of them: "charity, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, generosity, gentleness, faithfulness, modesty, self-control, chastity."

No mention of forbearance. Next I tried the Simple Prayer Book produced by the CTS:

Charity, Joy, Peace, Patience, Goodness, Kindness, Long-suffering, Mildness, Faith, Modesty, Self-Control, Chastity.

I finally looked up Galatians 5:22-23 (Douay-Rheims)

"But the fruit of the Spirit is, charity, joy, peace, patience, benignity, goodness, longanimity, mildness, faith, modesty, continency, chastity."

Fr. Tim had mentioned to me that forbearance was sometimes described as "long-suffering." By doing a compare-and-contrast, and using a bit of common sense, it seems that forbearance is actually the "generosity" mentioned in the Catechism (not a meaning of the word which had ever occurred to me) and the "longanimity" of the Douay-Rheims.

Now, I'd always considered the gift of being long-suffering as a bit of a wishy-washy, insipid sort of gift to have. And what was the difference between long-suffering and patience anyway?

Sunday's sermon really brought it home to me. Forbearance isn't just "putting up with things" in a resigned, wishy-washy manner. It is accepting difficulties, insults and slights, when they are not deserved. That is what makes it generosity. It is the ultimate antidote to the blame culture.

Fr. Tim told us that sometimes the devil stirs up resentments and ill-feeling, even among very good people, by making them feel hard-done-by and unjustly treated. Forbearance means swallowing one's pride, and refusing to allow a sense of grievance to develop. He used an example from his school days, when he was caned for something he didn't do. "Ah yes," was his mother's reply, "but think of the times when you did do something, and didn't get caned."

To accept adversity and insult when it isn't deserved, to accept them calmly and with equanimity, because there may have been times when such adversity and insult would have been deserved, well, I think I can now see that this is far from being wishy-washy.

God, grant me forbearance.

About Time For Another Cat Post...

Given my propensity to oversleep, I found this rather amusing. Unfortunately, I cannot blame Sylvester for doing anything of the sort... he would never do anything which might delay breakfast time!

A Saint In The Making...

Fr. Ray has received a request for information from his Baptismal Register. Nothing new there, you might think, Parish Priests are always getting requests for information about Baptisms.

But this is a request with a twist. Rather than the usual required confirmation that a person has been baptised and is free to marry, this request was asking why the person concerned was conditionally baptised, and whether her parents were also conditionally baptised... because the person concerned is having her Cause for Beatification and Canonisation introduced.

Wow... a local saint. What an honour for the parish of St. Mary Magdalen. The lady in question appears to have been a nun by the name of Madaleina Catherine Maria Clarice Beauchamp Hambrough, which seems a little bit of a mouthful, but who am I to judge...?

In the meantime, pray for the good sister's Cause. I hope that Fr. Ray will keep us all informed.

Support Our Holy Father...

The Holy Father has been taking a lot of stick from the mainstream media over his courageous decision to welcome the members of the SSPX back into the fold. Unity, it seems, is all very well, but not if the people concerned are of a traditional ilk.

Anyway, there's a petition being put together. Go HERE to sign it, and show the Holy Father that the whingers and whiners are in a minority.

Pondering The Mysteries Of The Universe...

I am finally tackling my last bookshelf, the one in the hall. Up until now, I've been using it as a repository for whatever item I hadn't quite gotten around to finding a place for. These items have now been displaced to other positions, many of them equally temporary, but at least I can decide what I want to put on the shelves...

I thought I could put some box files and lever-arch files on the bottom shelf, but that required a little rearrangement of the heights of the middle and top shelves. The middle shelf came out easily enough, and three of the doobrey-whatsits upon which the shelf rested also came out easily. The fourth one was a bit of a struggle. I succeeded in removing it after a battle of fifteen minutes, however, and put the little doobrey-whatever-you-call-thems down in front of the bookcase.

I did a bit of rearranging, in order to discover the height of the shelf needed for the box files to fit. And then I decided that I didn't want the box files in my hall after all; I plumped for cookery books, a book about wine regions, and a book about sewing instead. This left rather a lot of space on the bottom shelf, (I'm not the most domesticated of females) but I figured that I can add more stuff later. Of course, this meant that the middle shelf just had to go back in from whence it came...

You probably know what I'm going to say next. Yes, one of life's imponderable mysteries (for those involved with flat-pack furniture, at any rate.) One of the doobrey-whatsits has gone missing, and I cannot find it anywhere. It has just vanished into thin air.

I'll let you know if I find it...

Idle Speculations...

A short while ago, the Curt Jester idly speculated that it would be quite a fun idea to start off a LOLSaints website, along the lines of the Icanhascheezburger.com LOLcats.

For the handful of people who have missed the LOLcats phenomenon, Icanhascheezeburger.com is a site where silly captions are added to photos (mostly of cats), with the sort of spelling a five year old child (or a text messager) might use.

Well, it seems that someone else thought this was a good idea, and so the LOLSaints site is now open for business, with a special St. Blaise "capshun" competition.

Now, about that little idle speculation on the Westminster succession I had the other day...

Candlemas

Candlemas was really great.

I arrived at church early, figuring that someone needed to switch on the heating. Jonathan and Patrick (two of our senior servers) were lurking in the small hall, waiting to find out whether there was actually going to be a Mass, as they thought that Fr. Tim might have gotten stuck at Wonersh. Explaining that I hadn't heard anything negative, we went ahead and set up for the Old Rite Mass... we decided that an outdoor procession would probably be inadvisable, as there wasn't anything in the rubrics about dealing with broken limbs.

Just before Mass, Fr. Tim came in and informed us that the organist and choir would be unable to make it. I tried not to whimper too loudly, and sat down beside the piano to try and learn the chants to accompany the distribution of candles and the procession... One of the senior servers is a music graduate, and so he was "volunteered" as another voice. Three members of the choir did actually manage to turn up, and we muddled through, helped by Fr. Tim. The Mass propers were much easier, as the tones were similar to the ones we had on Sunday.

Unfortunately, being rather preoccupied with unexpected singing duties, I didn't manage to get a single photo. I'll try again next year!

Not That I'm Bothered, Or Anything...

...but it would be nice if I got a few more votes than last time. I know I haven't a snowball's chance in hell of getting more votes than the eminent Fr. Z or His Hermeneuticalness, but it would be nice to be in the top ten...

At least help get me higher than all those atheist blogs... Click on the link to go to the Best Religious Blog category. I'm on page 3 at the moment...

More Snow...

As I suspected, snow has brought the south of England grinding to a complete halt. All London buses have been withdrawn from service due to dangerous and adverse weather conditions. Trains and tubes have also been affected.

Normally, bad weather sets in after I've gone to work, resulting in a difficult journey in to school, followed by more than a few hours spent trying to get back home. Today, I found out that school is closed for the day before I left home. Snow day! Woo hoo!!

Just so any of my readers from across the pond can see what "adverse weather" is considered to be in the UK, I wrapped up warmly and went outside to take a few photos.

This one was taken from the courtyard outside my block of flats...

This next one was from the entrance to the courtyard looking out onto the street...

And this is looking down the road. I'd just like to point out that this is a major bus route, and normally there would be big double-decker buses driving down here...

I then ventured round to the back of the block, as Sylvester's wooden ledge had several inches of snow piled on it and it needed to be cleared (the cat flap is in the kitchen window because I don't have a back door.) For some strange reason, Sylvester seems reluctant to step onto a snow-covered ledge...

Anticipation...

Jonathan, one of our senior servers, is a bit of a handyman. Not satisfied with building a super-structure for the back of the High Altar, he decided that we really needed something along the lines of frontals, in the correct liturgical colours, to dress it up a bit. So he has knocked up a structure from which to hang things.

On Sunday morning, after Mass, I happened to notice various items being tried out for size, like this red frontal...

Later today we will have Mass for the Purification of Our Lady, also known as Candlemas. It should be interesting: the vestments are purple for the blessing of candles and procession, and white for the Mass itself. Not sure what will happen with the altar frontals. I feel a You Tube video coming on...

In the meantime, one of the other senior servers sent me this little gem, with strict instructions not to let Jonathan see it, lest he get any ideas...

Male & Female He Created Them...

I was discussing the interesting differences observed between our Confirmation groups with Fr. Tim. We have the girls' groups on one night, and the boys' groups on another. Most boys still consider girls to be an alien species. In contrast, once again, most of the girls in my group had worked out the details of their weddings already. Some were quite upset that they wouldn't be able to get married on a beach, but cheered up again when I pointed out that the reception could be anywhere they liked, as the church didn't have to be British, just Catholic.

Over at +In Hoc Signo Vinces+, Paulinus has a post where he recognises the differences between men and women. The following graphic demonstrates the thought processes which occur in response to the question, "Do you want to go for a drink?"

Valkyrie

I'm not a fan of Tom Cruise, but the subject matter sounded interesting, I was in the mood to watch a film, and there wasn't much else by way of an alternative.

I really enjoyed it. I understand that it was extremely inaccurate, but I only had the sketchiest of ideas about the assassination attempt on Adolf Hitler orchestrated by Colonel Klaus von Stauffenberg.

Even though the ending was obvious, I found it an absorbing and entertaining tale. I can't wait for it to come out on DVD, as I think it's one I'd want to watch again.

Be Careful What You Pray For...

...or rather, who you pray for.

A nurse in Weston-super-Mare was suspended without pay after she asked a patient if she'd like her to say a prayer for her recovery.

The patient allegedly reported Caroline Petrie, a community nurse, because, although she herself was not offended by the question, she thought that another person might be.

So, it seems that one can now complain on behalf of other people who might be offended by something. Aldous Huxley and George Orwell couldn't have dreamed up anything like it...

Twitch of the mantilla to John Smeaton.

Our Lady Of The Snows...

I parked in the church car park before Mass this evening. It was cold, but the sky was fairly clear; No snow on the ground at all. There had been warnings of heavy snow due overnight, but this is Britain, so that could just have meant an inch of snow...

I left the church about half an hour after Mass, and this was the sight which greeted me.

Despite the roads having been gritted, enough ice had formed for me to go into a skid as I drove downhill, and I crashed into the kerb. Luckily, I had slowed down to about 5 mph, and there wasn't a parked car next to the kerb (or a pedestrian) so no real problem (apart from a bit of a fright.)

My Guardian Angel is probably on overtime...

What Are The Odds On That?

I definitely am not claiming any inside knowledge on this one. And I would hate to start off any irresponsible rumours, but...

What are the odds that the rapprochement with the SSPX has been sorted so rapidly in order to allow Pope Benedict to parachute in Bishop Fellay as the next Archbishop of Westminster?

Do you think Paddy Power would be willing to play ball?

Heheheheheh...

A Non-Blonde Joke...

This one was sent to me by a friend of mine, who shall remain nameless... (that way he can't take the credit!)

A golfer was in a very competitive match with a friend, who was ahead by a couple of strokes.

The golfer said to himself, "I'd give anything to sink this next putt."

Suddenly, a stranger walked up to him and whispered, "Would you give up a fourth of your sex life?"

The golfer reflected that the man was crazy and that his answer would be meaningless, but also that perhaps this was a good omen and it would put him in the right frame of mind to make the difficult putt, so he agreed. To his delight, he sinks the putt.

Two holes later he mumbled to himself, "Boy, if I could only get an eagle on this hole."

The same stranger moves to his side and whispered, "Would it be worth another fourth of your sex life?"

The golfer shrugged and said, "Sure." To his surprise, he got an eagle.

At the final hole, the golfer needed yet another eagle to win the game.

Though he said nothing, the stranger moved to his side and asked once more, "Would you be willing to give up the rest of your sex life to win this match?"

The golfer agreed once more, and went on to get his eagle.

As the golfer walked to the club house, the stranger walked alongside. "You know," he said, "I've really not been fair with you because you don't know who I am. I'm actually the devil, and from now on you will have no sex life."

"Nice to meet you," said the golfer. "My name's Father O'Malley."

I Am Loved...!

Despite the recent paucity of posts, or possibly because of it, Phil has taken pity on me, and has given me an award. It goes by the rather dubious name of "Lovey Award" - a phrase I associate with actors and their ilk - but the award actually says:

"These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers. Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award."

The difficulty is finding bloggers who haven't already received this one, especially as so many people have given out more than eight. I'm tempted to say "feel free to consider yourself given this" apart from the fact that no-one would want to seem to award it to themselves...

I will, however, make a valiant stab at passing it on. In no particular order, I'm passing the Lovey Award to...

Karen, the Gem of the Ocean, because we are so spookily similar (or so she says!)

Leutgeb, of Bara Brith (She loves the Holy Father and music, dislikes the BBC and is a teacher. She also bakes cakes. What more reason do you need?)

The Pastor in Valle at Valle Adurni, a nice surprise for when he gets back from holiday.

The Owl of the Remove, to show that I've forgiven him for not alerting me to his visit to Blighty (though I would probably have been too ill to meet up. But that's not the point!)

Newhousenewjob who's Just Doing My Best, and who possibly needs cheering up.

Fiorella, of the Monstrous Regiment of Women, because she's recovering from Woman flu (I refuse, on principle, to accept the term "person flu.")

Ukok, over at Ukok's Place, because she's having a difficult time, but is happy to share.

Fr. Dwight Longenecker, who's Standing on My Head, just because I want to...

I've Been A Baaaaad Girl...

...I haven't posted anything for the past few days. I haven't even read many blogs...

I have been completely engrossed in tidying up.

When I say "completely engrossed," that's when I haven't been teaching, writing reports, planning lessons or taking Confirmation classes... or praying, washing, eating and sleeping. That hasn't left much time in which to immerse myself in housework, but normally I eschew the housework in favour of blogging.

Half term is only just over two weeks away (the great thing about teaching is the regular holidays... though they are really necessary!) Not only do I not want to do any tidying up during this holiday, I don't want to feel guilty about not doing any. And as unattended piles of stuff breed during the night (even if the stuff is tidy and necessary) I am desperate to clear the piles of stuff which were so carefully sorted last weekend when I had my mad throw-it-all-out session.

At the beginning of half term, the Day With Mary crowd are visiting our parish, and, having cleared out so much rubbish, I find that I have a few spaces on my bookshelves. Since spaces on bookshelves also attract piles of junk, it will be necessary for me to purchase a few books. And then I can spend half term curled up on the sofa reading the books.

The one problem with all this clearing up is the effect it is having on Sylvester. He does enjoy having his sofa back, but, normally, I save major housework for mad spurts just before I go away, so that my next-door neighbour doesn't think I'm a complete slob when she comes in to cat-sit. As a result, Sylvester is in agonies of expectation, and he follows me round from room to room, as if to check that I'm not surreptitiously packing my suitcase!

Anyway, that explains the lack of posts...

Prayers Answered...

It can be a little difficult to be positive at the moment. Barack Obama's administration is doing its level best to get all the pro-life legislation in America overturned, and is pursuing an aggressively pro-abortion, anti-life agenda. 

Here, in the UK, things aren't any better: we have laws allowing the creation of human-animal hybrid embryos, and embryos for research, and so on, while the numbers of abortions go up and up, and the push, in schools, for more and more teaching on contraception is relentless. Elderly people are being urged to consider themselves a burden on society, helping society out by doing the "decent thing" and killing themselves (or allowing others to do it for them.)

It's easy to get dispirited, and to forget that, as well as writing to MPs, fund-raising, and going on protest marches, we can pray. We forget that prayer is necessary, if our work against the forces of evil which have been unleashed in our world is to succeed. And we forget that Jesus promised us that the devil could be overcome by prayer.

So it's nice to get the occasional reminder: after the fanfare surrounding the first two applications for licences for human-animal hybrid embryo research, it seems that, despite getting the licences, the projects failed to get the funding.

Not a total victory over the powers of darkness, more a tiny chink of light, but we should take heart, stay awake, and keep praying.

Fame...

I had a bit of a surprise at the end of Mass this morning. As I left my pew, a voice from behind me asked, "Excuse me, but are you the Mulier Fortis?"

Katrina and her husband Dario are, apparently, fans. Over from Italy visiting a relative for a short while, they had been to Mass in a few other churches round the area, where they had, as Katrina put it, encountered some strange practices and heard some very odd things. Reading my blog had led them to find Fr. Tim's Parish website (with directions) and so they thought they'd give it a try.

Getting lost, they hailed a taxi to ask for further directions: did the taxi driver know of Our Lady of the Rosary Catholic Church, by any chance?

They were in luck: as well as being given directions, the driver added, "I think you'll enjoy it there!"

So, Katrina and Dario (I hope I spelt your names correctly... feel free to correct me in the com-box) welcome to Blackfen. It was great to chat to you in the Parish club, and do visit again soon!

Spring Cleaning...

I absolutely hate housework. I also hate being disorganised. This means that I am constantly in a state of tension between the two incompatible facets of my personality. I achieve a sort of cognitive dissonance by being supremely organised at work (I am almost pathological about keeping surfaces in my classroom clear of clutter, and my desk in the faculty office is only allowed to get up to a half-term's worth of disorder before I am compelled to have a "filing session" after school) and being very untidy at home.

I am lucky enough to live in a two-bedroom flat, and one of the bedrooms started off as an office. This was fine while my computer was in there... I had to be able to keep it relatively tidy in order to access the internet without being confronted with lots of mess and disorder. The problems began when I got a new computer with broadband. The broadband connection was in the living room, and I made the mistake of not getting rid of the old computer immediately, so there was little incentive to get connections sorted out and the computer relegated to the office...

I was also blogging for recreation, and so didn't want it to be in the office, which was for "work" stuff. At least, that's how I rationalised my inertia. I'm good at that.

Then I had a period off work, and was feeling a bit stressed, and I had a lot of extra work-related items which could no longer be kept at school, so they got dumped in the office, instead of being sorted out properly. I wanted things to be tidy and organised, though, so I solved the problem by putting everything in bags and leaving the bags in the spare room.

I then found that there was no room in the spare room (the door would barely open) and so things lay around in piles in the living room, and the bedroom. Soon, Sylvester found that his favourite spot on the sofa was covered in books and files.

Bit by bit, the disorder got to me, and, eventually, I started to tackle the piles of books. I only seemed to have the energy during holiday periods, so it was pretty slow going, and no sooner did I get one pile of stuff sorted than another pile seemed to appear in a new spot. The spare room was, however, still a no-go area. Finally, I realised that the tidy piles of stuff in the living room would remain forever, periodically getting messy and being tidied again, (like a modern-day labour of Sisyphus) unless I sorted the spare room and turned it back into an office.

Drastic action was called for. Luckily, a friend of mine has a particular penchant for tidying up other people's houses - she says that it is an antidote to sharing a flat with someone else who is very messy: this, apparently, makes tidying her own house very unrewarding (and somewhat depressing.) I have to confess to being unable to see the logic which results in the tidying bug being worked out on someone else's house, but, as she was offering to help me, I wasn't going to argue the point.

We spent the whole of Saturday afternoon and evening clearing, cleaning, sorting and rearranging. By 9:30pm we had filled several bags' worth of items to be disposed of via the Council's re-use and recycling centre. I disposed of the bags this afternoon, after Mass. Somehow I managed to fit it all in the car...

I don't yet have a tidy flat, but the piles of books and files are all needed and all I have to do is decide exactly where I want to put them. I can also walk into the spare room without breaking any limbs.

And Sylvester has his sofa back.

How Cool Is That...?

The Vatican has its own YouTube channel, with video clips of the Holy Father, and links to relevant documents. Mantilla-twitch to Fr. Ray.

More Light Relief...

In the late 1980s and early 1990s, Barclaycard had a series of adverts starring Rowan Atkinson as a totally inept spy. The ads were so popular that the film, Johnny English was made on the back of them. Certainly this selection had me laughing until I cried, and, once again, I find myself unable to decide which one was funniest... 

"Take over for a Bough, would you moment," and "Are we about to be mugged by a gang of delinquent haddock?" were favourite catchphrases for quite some time...

Happiness...

...might not actually be a cigar called Hamlet, but sadness could quite possibly be an empty bottle of Bailey's...

One In The Eye For The Trendy Lefty Liberals...

The Pope is a huge bugbear because he's soooooo dogmatic and dictatorial and, well, censorious! The Liberal lefties who read the Guardian and its ilk much prefer trendy gurus such as the Dalai Lama... unless they actually read what he says...

Twitch of the mantilla to the Creative Minority Report.

More Traipsing Down Memory Lane...

Still no inspiration for entertaining and witty repartee in my blog posts (nothing new there, then!) Nevertheless, a comment from Fr. Owl after my last post, about how adverts used to be creative and funny (sometimes more than the programmes) got me reminiscing about a few of my favourites.

Leonard Rossiter and Joan Collins had a great set of ads for Cinzano... and four of the best are shown here. I am unable to decide which is the funniest; I find myself torn between the Japanese businessmen and the airplane recliner seat... on reflection, I'll plump for the airliner ad, as it's so very like the sort of mishap I might encounter...

Lacking Inspiration...

I have been suffering from a distinct paucity of inspiration for the blog.

I am fed up to the back teeth with everything and anything to do with the iminent Inauguration of the US President, and would be quite happy, should it be possible to do so in a purely Christian manner, to see him and his new administration at the bottom of the Potomac. Sadly, I suspect that this is not a particularly charitable train of thought, and so have decided that I must eschew all radio contact with the outside world (I don't watch TV) until Wednesday.

Apart from the media hype and hysteria about Mr. Obama, the rest of the news is depressing in the extreme (please don't misunderstand me, the media hype and hysteria is also depressing, but at least the presenters sound slightly more cheerful.) I have found a little solace in cat pictures, marzipan, chocolate and German sausage, but I feel I have exhausted the blogging possibilities associated with these topics, at least for the time being.

It would seem that I'm not the only blogger to have been suffering from writers' block. Phil (he of the Ponte Sisto) was stumped for a topic on which to expound, and he decided to overcome the impediment by writing about a day in his life. He claimed that it was very uneventful and boring. Not so... In fact, his description of how he went to a photo booth in order to obtain a passport photo had me giggling, as it made me recall the Hamlet ads of my misbegotten youth...

Having worked out how to deselect the “fun” options – my face, superimposed on a bunny rabbit, or Madonna sat on my knee – I inserted the correct change and pressed the green button. It spoke! The machine spoke to me: “Please ensure that you are sitting comfortably and position your face in the orange circle”. I was a little too tall and attempted to lower the seat, but with no success. Having decided that the seat was stuck, I slouched down until my face fitted within the circle and my eyes were in line with the image on screen. It was only after the picture was taken, that I realized the camera was looking up my nose (due to the necessary slouching)

I thought that a reminder of the advert in question might prove to be a welcome diversion...

Normal blogging service will be resumed shortly...

Time For Another Cat Post...

This photo reminded me of one I'd seen a while back... over at Cavey's blog, in fact!

I can see a definite resemblance, which suggests that my favourite Caveman is probably nothing more than a big pussycat inside...

(Ok, now I think I better go hide before the Caveman catches up with me...)

One Million Visitors...

No, not on this blog!! Well, not yet... give me a couple more years.

Fr. Tim Finigan, aka His Hermeneuticalness, is approaching the 1,000,000 visitor mark. He estimates that it should be some time this evening.

Anyone care to lay bets as to when exactly?

Carbon Footprints And All That...

Yet another picture which made me chuckle... it isn't a picture of a cat, so I don't have to wait before posting it!

A Late Christmas Present...

I came home a little late this evening, after a full day's teaching and an evening Confirmation class, to find a rather large parcel on my doormat.

I knew it was coming, but I didn't know exactly when it would arrive, and so its presence outside my door was a welcome bonus. I manoeuvred it inside, fed the cat (he has me well trained) and went in search of something sharp with which to shred the packing tape.

The friend who had sent the parcel had warned me that she'd been unable to get a smaller box, and rather than incurring a delay, she'd opted for a large box and lots of padding. She wasn't kidding. I was therefore under strict instructions to check the padding for any small items which might accidentally escape. Needless to say, this friend of mine hasn't known me all that long, or she would have realised how unnecessary such instructions would be.

I had sent some traditional English sweets over to my friend just before Christmas, as she teaches English, and she wanted to make her lessons a little more interesting... teenagers always respond well to foodstuffs. Rather than sending over the dreadful English excuse for chocolate (aka Cadbury's), I went to a little sweetshop near me and bought a selection of proper, old-fashioned sweets, that were kept in jars and weighed out. In my childhood it was "a quarter" of whatever sweet you wanted, meaning a quarter pound (4 oz). Now the sweets are priced up per 100g, but the principle was the same. I sent acid drops, rhubarb and custard, strawberry and creams, barley sugars, cough candy, lemon sherbets and so on.

I think they were well received. My friend wanted to know how she could reciprocate, and, after seeing some comments on my blog, told me that she'd send some coffee and chocolate. I forestalled her: after initially protesting that she didn't need to do anything in return, I confessed to a hankering for German sausage. Proper German sausage. I also admitted to a weakness for marzipan. The marzipan you get in England is a pretty poor excuse for marzipan (rather like the chocolate) and is sold for cake-making in big blocks. My grandmother's Christmas parcels had always included proper marzipan...

As you can see, the sausages were included with the parcel, along with some mustard and a postcard of the Holy Father. The sausages are vacuum-packed (just as well, or the sniffer dogs at Customs would have had a hard time of it) but, being proper German sausages sold loose, there are no cooking instructions, and I have had to email my friend for a reminder as to what I should do with them...

The selection of marzipan dainties was amazing. But this wasn't really what I remembered from my childhood Christmasses about marzipan...

What I really remembered was the (very German) sense of humour. German sausage is often sold from kiosks, with mustard or ketchup, and served on little paper plates. Here you can see a typical "take-away," though the sausage is much smaller than normal...

...it is, of course, actually made of marzipan. All of it. Mustard as well. The plate is real paper...

My friend also sent me some coffee beans... wrapped in chocolate!

All in all, a very welcome present...

Cafeteria-Catholic Google...

Ever wondered how the likes of Lavinia Byrne, Cristina Odone and Cherie Blair manage to call themselves Catholic without actually following any of those inconvenient "teachings" of the Church? Well, the Curt Jester has let the cat out of the bag. Apparently, it is possible to use Liberal Catholic Google to screen out all those pesky Vatican documents, not to mention nasty biblical references to unpleasant subjects such as "sin" and "hell"...

About Us

Are you tired of using search terms that give you a bunch of results that you don't want? That you have to go through page after page of results to find answers that match what you want?

If so then liberalcatholicgoogle.com is the site for you!

Our specialized search algorithm will give you the results you want without a bunch of search chaff. No more will you find such sites as catholic.com, Catholic Encyclopedia, etch cluttering up your search results. Though one problem is that even among us progressive Catholics there are people who accept one so-called "dogma" and not another. When we pick and choose what we accept from the hierarchical Church it is not surprising that others pick and choose a different set. But we are a big tent Church and to accommodate this LiberalCatholicGoogle will further filter your search results based on your theological prospective.

When you go to our configuration page you will see a selection of check boxes such as for example:

 Abortion  Contraception  Divorce  Homosexual Acts  Homosexual Marriage  Jesus is God  Jesus is one of many paths  Magisterium  Obedience  Papal Infallibility  Personal Infallibility  Women's Ordination

Just check off the items that best match what you accept.

Or you can just check off

 National Catholic Reporter Reader

And the checkmarks will be checked accordingly.

After then after answering a short questionnaire you're off to search results matched perfectly to what you already believe!

No more will you be bothered with pesky Vatican documents such as Humanae Vitae or annoying quotes from the Church Fathers in your search results. You will find plenty of content from the National Catholic Reporter, Commonweal, America, and other great Catholic sources such as the New York Times and the Washington Post.

Now sometimes you actually want something from a source such as the Vatican or Scripture. In these cases simply checkmark  Vatican Safe Search and/or Scripture Safe Search

With Vatican Safe Search on - we have a special search algorithm first developed for Cherie Blair. The search will go through Vatican documents using the specialized search pick also known as the Cherie pick to return passages of documents that best match your search preferences and search terms. The Cherie pick also works perfectly wellwithScripture Safe Search - on. You will be sure to get scripture such as"judge not' without results such as "go and sin no more" or mean passages from homophobic St Paul. Within seconds you will have select passages to prove to other Catholics whatever you want!

Not convinced yet? Well take a look at a sample of real world search results and you will be:

 

Planned Parenthood Federation of America, Inc.
Donate to Planned Parenthood. Schedule an abortion.
www.plannedparenthood.org/ - 56k

Catholics for Choice
Works in partnership with reproductive health, interfaith and Catholic church reform groups that share the commitment to safe, legal reproductive health ...
www.catholicsforchoice.org/ - 22k

NARAL Pro-Choice Massachusetts : News
Dec 16, 2008 ... NARAL Pro-Choice Massachusetts releases results of a survey of ... Responses from both Catholic and secular hospitals indicate that they may ...
www.prochoicemass.org/news/echosp2008.shtml - 19k

Commonweal - A review of religion, politics and culture
Why Mario Cuomo is a hero for first using personally opposed but ...
www.commonwealmagazine.org

EMILY's List
Supporting pro-choice Democratic women running for congress and governor.
www.emilyslist.org/

Writer's Desk: June 26, 2006
National Catholic Reporter is a nonprofit organization. Contributions are tax- deductible in the ... Understand, I am no absolutist on the abortion issue. ...
www.nationalcatholicreporter.org/todaystake/index.htm

Amazon.com: A Brief, Liberal, Catholic Defense of Abortion: Daniel ...
" A Brief, Liberal, Catholic Defense of Abortion" argues that the current Catholic anti-abortion stance is justified neither by modern embryology nor by ...
www.amazon.com/Brief-Liberal-Catholic-Defense-Abortion/dp/0252025504 - 287k

Pro-abortion Senator Joe Biden
The next Republican that tells me I'm not religious, I'm going to shove my rosary beads down their throat.. ...
www.joebiden.com/ - 9k

Barack Obama and Joe Biden: The Change We Need
Jan 22, 2008 ... And I will continue to defend this right by passing the Freedom of Choice Act as president. "Moreover, I believe in and have supported ...
www.barackobama.com/2008/01/22/obama_statement_on_35th_annive.php - 41k -

My First Award For 2009...

Admittedly, it's probably going to be my only award in 2009, but let's skate over that bit. My favourite Caveman has seen fit to bestow upon me none other than the Superior Scribbler Award.

So, whassat when it's at home?

Read on, my crayon-toting friend, and learn...

* Each Superior Scribbler must in turn pass the award on to 5 most-deserving Bloggy Friends.

* Each Superior Scribbler must link to the author and the name of the blog from whom he/she has received the Award.

* Each Superior Scribbler must display the award on his/her blog, and link to this post, which explains the award.

* Each Blogger who wins the Superior Scribbler Award must visit this post and add his/her name to the Mr. Linky List (scroll down). That way, we’ll be able to keep up-to-date on everyone who receives this prestigious honour!

* Each Superior Scribbler must post these rules on his/her blog.

I hereby designate as Superior Scribblers:

1.  Fr. Ray Blake.

2.  Leutgeb

3.  Karen

4.  Paulinus

5.  Ttony

I'm also awarding it to Fr. Tim, but (a) he probably won't notice, and (b) he probably won't get round to passing it on, as it's like a meme, and he thinks they're a bit "girly"...

Words Of Wisdom...

If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and talks like a duck...

...it probably needs a little longer in the microwave.

Calendar Confusion...

I find myself drawn more and more to the Extraordinary Form of Mass, and am also fortunate enough to be able to indulge myself in this respect, as we have a regular Sunday morning Missa Cantata. Saturday morning Mass is also in the Extraordinary Form.

The confusion for me arises with the Calendar of Saints because I also pray the Divine Office... but the Novus Ordo one! I haven't switched to the Old Breviary because my Latin is almost non-existent... though I'm picking it up through typing up the propers for Mass for our choir. 

I'd quite like to pray the Old Rite Breviary, but need a Latin-English version. I understand that Baronius Press are in the process of producing one, though there is, as yet, no publication date. Has anyone got any suggestions...?