Saturday 1 September 2007

Blond Joke (With A Twist)

Just to prove I'm not sexist...

An Irishman, a Mexican and a blond man were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off this building."

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."

The blond opened his lunch and said, "Boloney again. If I get a boloney sandwich one more time I'm jumping too."

The next day, the Irishman opens his lunch box, sees corned beef and cabbage and jumps to his death. The Mexican opens his lunch, sees a burrito and jumps too. The blond opens his lunch, sees the boloney and jumps to his death also.

At the funeral The Irishman's wife was distraught: "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage I never would have given it to him again!"

The Mexican's wife was also devastated: "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."

Everyone turned and stared at the blond guy's wife. "Hey, don't look at me" she said. "He made his own lunch!"

It's A Quiet Day, So...

...with nothing much happening here at home (and with me trying to avoid the remaining housework) I thought I'd post another blonde joke...

A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman. "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, "I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied. "Darn, he recognized me," she thought.

So, she went for a complete disguise, haircut and new color, new outfit, big sunglasses, and then waited a few days before she again approached the salesman.
"I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied. Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?"

"Because that's a microwave."

Friday 31 August 2007

Knock, Knock, Knocking On Heaven's Door...

Lots of people need prayers right now. So, of your charity, can you pray:

For Audrey, who is being put under incredible pressure to have an abortion, and who is talking to Sister Roseann.

For Kerry-Anne, who was thinking about an abortion, but so far hasn't gone through with it.

For Jess and her unborn child (Jess took the first dose of the abortion pill and then couldn't continue...)

And finally, for A Thorn in the Pew who is pregnant, but has been experiencing difficulties with the pregnancy.

Time to besiege the Pearly Gates: and we have a few "double agents" who can be called upon to help us storm heaven...

Mary, Mother of God, pray for us.
St. Michael the Archangel, pray for us.

All Guardian Angels, pray for us.

St. Gerard Majella, pray for us.

St. Raymond Nonnatus, pray for us.

St. Margaret of Antioch, pray for us.

St. Catherine of Sweden, pray for us.
St. Gianna Molla, pray for us.

Thursday 30 August 2007


There is a particularly virulent computer virus doing the rounds. It is vitally important that the source of this virus is discovered, because it is really awful. Warn all the people in your addressbook to be on the lookout for any suspicious email attachments...

If you don't believe me, just look what it did to my mouse...

Happy Feast Day

Today is the feast day of my patron saint. St. Anne Line shares her feast with two other great martyrs: St Margaret Clitherow and St. Margaret Ward. I was advised to take one of the English women martyrs as my patron when I dedicated my life to God as a single woman living and working in the world. I felt that Margaret Clitherow, as a wife and mother, wasn't quite right as a patron. I knew very little about Margaret Ward, but had the idea (perhaps wrongly) that she was very young.

Anne Line, on the other hand, was a more mature woman. She was a convert, and was disowned by her family. She married Roger Line, another convert, but he was forced to flee the country to avoid arrest, and he died very shortly afterwards, so their married life together was brief. To keep body and soul together, Anne worked as housekeeper for Fr. Gerard - keeping a safehouse for any Catholic priests who needed shelter. She adopted the pseudonym "Mrs Martha" (something I only just found out) and took private vows (in much the same way as I have.) What really drew me to her was the retort she gave on the scaffold before she was hung:

"My Lords, I am accused of harbouring a Catholic priest. So far am I from repenting that I would I could have harboured a thousand."

No chance of her being content with a Church with fewer priests and lots of lay "ministries" - for her, the issue was clear: no priests = no sacraments = no Church = no salvation. We need more women (and men) in the Church who realise that their God-given vocation involves doing things that only lay people can do, not doing the priest's job for him!

(BTW, you can read a previous post I wrote on my pilgrimage to find out more information about St. Anne Line.)

Wednesday 29 August 2007

Vatican Airlines

I want to fly Vatican Air. Maybe our Parish Pilgrimage next year can go to Lourdes via Rome... I'm sure no-one will mind having to change planes...

The Curt Jester outlines the advantages of travelling with the Vatican Air Service... I particularly liked:

When boarding you always have to enter through the "narrow gate."

Dominicans, Franciscans, Carmelites and males from some other orders are eligible for Frequent Friar Miles.

Flight insurance includes a fund that will pay stipends to a monastery of your choice that will have Masses said for you in case of a fatal accident.

If Vatican Air loses your luggage St. Anthony is immediately invoked.

More Nightmares...

...but not mine! Yesterday, before going to visit my sister, I went in to school to deposit a few necessities (coffee machine and accoutrements) and to take possession of my desk in the Science Faculty office. Imagine my delight when the three teachers in the office also mentioned that their own pre-term nightmares had started!

Nephew Update

My nephew is now 8 months old, and totally gorgeous. He hasn't quite mastered the art of crawling yet... he can only crawl in reverse, pushing himself backwards with his hands (my sister is toying with the idea of attaching a duster to his bottom and letting him polish the laminate floor for her!)

He is very much "daddy's boy" - there was much cooing and chuckling (he chuckles a lot) for his mother, but he goes into transports of delight when his dad gets home. I was amused to hear this (previously) elegant and sophisticated couple refer to themselves as "mumsy-wumsy and daddy-waddy" but as long as I don't become "auntie-wantie" I'm happy!

Tuesday 28 August 2007

A View To A Cull...

Heheheheh... couldn't resist the play on words. But seriously... I decided that the blogrolls were getting to be slightly cumbersome. I have been through the lists, and have ruthlessly deleted any blog which hadn't been posting recently. I was tempted to be even more ruthless, and remove any blog which hadn't recently posted anything of interest to me personally, but then decided that might be a bit foolish - as all of the blogs on my roll have posted at least one item of interest in the past, and they probably would again...

However, if I have deleted your blog, and you think this is unfair, just let me know, and I'll consider re-instating you!

Just A Little Reminder...

...why I love Chemistry so much!

Twitch of the mantilla to Fr. Erik for reminding me about this brilliant series...

Monday 27 August 2007

Unlucky For Some...

With my cat fixation, no doubt I would have been burned as a witch back in the mists of time... but by the Protestant hordes rather than Catholic ones - it is my understanding that witch-burnings didn't really get under way until the Reformation, and they were by the secular authorities!

If you don't believe me, read the following quote from Jenny Dobbins, a historian (and herself a wiccan)...

"When the Church was at the height of its power (11th-14th centuries) very few witches died. Persecutions did not reach epidemic levels until after the Reformation, when the Catholic Church had lost its position as Europe's indisputable moral authority. Moreover most of the killing was done by secular courts. Church courts tried many witches but they usually imposed non-lethal penalties. A witch might be excommunicated, given penance, or imprisoned, but she was rarely killed. The Inquisition almost invariably pardoned any witch who confessed and repented."

Twitch of the mantilla to David (on whose site I found the quote.)

But I digress. Apparently there is some scare story out (at the Curt Jester's) and about (at Fr. Ray's) blaming the Catholic Church for killing black cats. The Italians are, according to some sources, very superstitious, and consider black cats to be unlucky. Now, maybe I have missed something here, but how, exactly, did "superstitious Italians" suddenly equate to "the Catholic Church"?

Nevertheless, I shan't be bringing any Italians home to meet Sylvester... just in case!

Sisters In The News

I spotted this over on the Sisters' blog... it's an interview given by Sister Andrea Fraile, one of the Sisters of the Gospel of Life, about life as a 30-something woman. Sister Andrea and Sister Roseann are good friends of mine (yes, I'm name-dropping!) and the work they do for women with crisis pregnancies is truly awesome. Keep them both (and their fledgling Order) in your prayers.

More Blonde Jokes...

Dave, a friend who knows my predilection for blonde jokes, sent me the following two nuggets:

A newlywed blonde went to a store to ask how to operate the new coffeemaker received as a wedding gift. The salesman carefully explained how everything worked; how to plug it in, set the timer, go to bed, and upon rising, the coffee would be ready.

A few weeks later she was back in the store, and the salesman asked her how she liked the coffee maker.

"Wonderful!" she replied, "But... it's just awfully inconvenient to have to go to bed every time I want to make a pot of coffee."

And then...

Q: Why is the average IQ so high in Japan?

A: Have you ever seen a Japanese blonde?

I'm blonde. I find blonde jokes funny. Usually I'm feeling slightly smug, because we all know that blondes aren't really thick. But occasionally one of our number perpetuates the blonde myth...

Twitch of the mantilla to the Catholic Caveman.
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