Friday 7 July 2006

Blonde Joke

As a natural blonde myself, I find "blonde" jokes rather amusing. Along with Dolly Parton, I know they're not true (apparently she also knew she wasn't blonde!)

So, for the office party, a bunch of blondes and brunettes decide to hire a double-decker bus to go on a tour of London. The blondes end up on the top deck, while the brunettes stay below.

The brunettes are having a whale of a time, and the party spirit is flowing freely. Then, someone notices that things are surprisingly quiet up top, and there's not so much as a squeak from the normally bubbly blonde contingent.

One of the brunettes is dispatched upstairs to check it out. On arrival, she finds all the blondes sitting frozen in their seats, absolute terror etched on every face. "What's the matter?" asks the brunette, "why aren't you having fun? We're really enjoying this!"

"It's ok for you lot downstairs," retorts one of the petrified blondes, "you've got a driver..."

Wednesday 5 July 2006

A Little Liturgical Interlude

Ok. Time to see how many of you out there are paying attention.

I've been responsible for sorting out the prayer sheets for the Faith Summer Session for several years now. However, this year (just to keep me on my toes) we're actually into the first week of August rather than the last week of July or the second week of August. So we don't get to celebrate the Transfiguration, or the Feasts of St Teresa Benedicta and St Laurence (which means I have to sort out the psalms, as we can't just use the ones for the Sunday!!)

We do get to celebrate St Alphonsus Mary de Liguori on the Tuesday and St John Mary Vianney (aka the Cure d'Ars) on the Friday. We don't have morning prayer on Monday, but Mass will be St Ignatius Loyola. The Thursday is a feria. So far, so straightforward - I just have a bit of typing to do.

The problem is actually Wednesday 2nd August. It's an Optional Memorial, and there's a choice. Should I go for St Eusebius of Vercelli (safely in my Breviary, no tricky decisions) or for St Peter Julian Eymard (who's been added to the Universal Calendar according to my Directory, but all I know is that he was a priest)...

...or I could be really naughty and decide to plump for St. Mary of the Angels who gets a mention in the Directory in brackets. This means that the feast is either liturgically impeded or of diocesan interest... probably the former!

So, any comments?

Tuesday 4 July 2006

Ain't technology great?

Modern technology has certainly come on quite a bit in the past few years. I was talking to my sister earlier, and she told me about all the scans and tests she's had because of the problems she's having with bleeding.

She's in her thirteenth week, and should be in the "safe" zone, as far as any pregnancy can be considered safe, but the bleeding can't be explained by any of the doctors. She was a little scathing about a medical student who couldn't locate her cervix (I mean, how difficult can it be to find the end of what is effectively a cul-de-sac??) which wasn't exactly reassurring.

Anyway, I asked if she had any pictures from the scans. "Oh no," was the offhand reply, "but we got the DVD"

No doubt it's titled "Womb with a View"...

Feeling sorry for myself...

...Of course, I have no right to feel sorry for myself. There are lots of people who are much worse off than me. Or so I keep telling myself.

The problem is, it isn't easy to believe this when your head is throbbing from a point just inside your lower jaw! Yes, I have toothache. I have spent the last two days curled up on my sofa under the duvet (yes, I did say "under" - I have a very cold flat) with my head on a hot water bottle. I wouldn't mind, but there's nothing on TV (watching tennis ranks, in my humble opinion, somewhere below watching paint dry for entertainment value) and I the pain means I can't focus properly, so reading isn't much of an option. Eating, one of my other favourite occupations, is also not on the menu, for fairly obvious reasons.

I know it's self-inflicted. I should have gone to the dentist as soon as the filling fell out. But, it didn't hurt then. And I am frankly so terrified of dentists that I have to be in real pain before I can bear to cross the threshold of a dental surgery. It's stupid, it's irrational. But it's real. I am reduced to a howling, shaking lump. Once, I was so frightened that I clamped my jaw shut as a sort of reflex. Unfortunately the dentist's fingers were inside my mouth at the time. He wasn't happy.

The irrational part comes in when I consider that I've had bits of my body cauterised, biopsied, stitched and cut out, and I've demanded to watch. I react badly to general anaesthesia, and so I've had my tibia sawn open and screwed back in a different position while cracking jokes with the anaesthetist and the surgeon (not sensible behaviour when the latter is wielding what looks like a Black and Decker with a little fancy attachment on it!) But the minute I sit in a dentist's chair, I want to start screaming. And that's just for the initial examination...

The upshot of all this is that I left the hole in my tooth until I got an infection. And the pain got bad. The downside is that now no self-respecting dentist will go anywhere near the offending tooth until the infection has cleared up.... and by then, it might just have stopped hurting....
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