Someone's Been Watching My Cat...

Whoever made this animation really knows cats far too well. After demonstrating how a cat can wake up its owner in the morning, we now get to see a cat trying to get inside the house after a night on the tiles...


Sylvester's a cat who likes his creature comforts... he rarely stays out all night, scooting back in at around 3am. How can I be so sure? Well, if it's been raining, he jumps on my sleeping form and tries to insinuate his cold wet furry body under my chin, miaowing loudly until I get up and dry him off with an old towel. And when I glance, bleary-eyed, at the clock, it's usually around 3am.

Twitch of the mantilla to Hilary for this latest cat-related video!

The Cards Have Arrived...

Woohoo! Finally, despite all my misgivings, I have the cards in my sweaty little paws, two weeks before Easter. I must confess to feeling rather pleased with the final result!

Not A Blonde Joke... (Probably)

...but it made me laugh out loud! Elizabeth sent it as a comment, but it's far too good to leave languishing in the combox...

A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she asked 'Is my time up?' God said, 'No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live.'

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair colour and brighten her teeth! Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.

After her last operation, she was released from the hospital looking drop-dead gorgeous. When she crossed the street on her way home, she was run over and killed by an ambulance.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, 'I thought you said I had another 43 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?'

God replied: 'I didn't recognize you.'

Oh Me Of Little Faith...

I grabbed a spare five minutes at school today to phone the company printing my Chrism Mass Thank-You cards. The woman I spoke to was incredibly vague: the cards had gone to print earlier in the week, but she wasn't sure when they'd be ready, and Royal Mail were a bit unreliable, they couldn't guarantee delivery before the end of next week... but of course, if I wanted to upgrade to courier service, for a small extra fee...?

I got a little cross. Just a little. I explained that no, I didn't want to pay extra for a courier service. I just wanted to know exactly when the cards would be ready. I then had to bring the conversation to an abrupt halt as I had a lesson to go and teach. I think the sales person must have gathered this, as I was in the corridor on my mobile phone by this point... and school corridors are not the quietest of places at the end of break.

I rang again at the end of the day. Things were still pretty manic, as the GCSE and A level module results had arrived, and students who couldn't wait to find out their grades until their next Science lesson were coming in to the office to ask what they'd got. I spoke to the same young woman. She informed me that, on further investigation, the package had been delivered this morning. At 10am. Only, (and this was definitely my fault) I wasn't in to receive it... and I should have gotten the delivery note.

I bit back a rude retort, and patiently explained that I hadn't actually managed to get home from work yet...

At least I should get the cards tomorrow!

Chrism Mass Demo Time

Each year, I promise myself that I will be better organised for the Chrism Mass. And each year, something happens to catch me on the hop. Last year there was a bit of a kerfuffle over the placards for the "Thank You" parade (it doesn't sound quite right to call it a demo!)

This year, I was determined to get a move on. Last year's card was a great success, and I was determined that standards should be maintained. And so I started to hunt for a suitable quote and an equally suitable picture nice and early - in fact, I started to look pretty much at the beginning of February. This search was, I felt, rewarded: I found an absolutely perfect quote from the Holy Father when he addressed seminarians in Rome, and there was even a picture to match...

Unfortunately, Lent this year actually started in the first week of February... and Lent is not as long as it appears!! This means that the nice, cosy feeling I had on getting everything sorted so "early" is rapidly changing to mild twinges of anxiety because I haven't had the cards delivered yet...

I doubt that we can get placards made up in time, so I guess it'll be another DIY job for them (though I won't leave it until the night before!) And I need to get on the phone to see if I can rustle up a few young women to cheer for the priests as they process in for Mass. If you happen to be in the area on Thursday 20th March, 2008, we will be outside St. George's Cathedral from 10:45am - the Mass starts at 11:15am - and you would be most welcome to join us. Put a comment in the combox if you need any more details.

The idea of thanking our priests at the Chrism Mass does seem to be catching on... Joanna Bogle has told me that there is going to be a similar "Thank You" parade at the Chrism Mass at Arundel & Brighton diocese on Tuesday 18th March, and another one at Westminster Cathedral's Chrism Mass on Wednesday 19th March.

I've Been A Bit Busy, But While You're Waiting...

I found the following video. Not quite sure about throwing the cat up so it catches the overhead wooden beam, but watching the cat on the cactus was priceless! Enjoy!

New Hope For Sufferers Of Laetare Intolerance...

According to Jeff, the Curt Jester, Laetare Intolerance is a gastrointestinal disorder brought on by the sight of apparently "pink" vestments. Help is at hand, in the form of "Vestmints" - these help to alleviate queasy sensations at the sight of anything even slightly redolent of Pepto-Bismol.

Confirmation that you really do suffer from Laetare Intolerance is best obtained from a doctor: all he needs to aid the diagnosis is a stole sample. See HERE for dosage instructions and contraindications...

An Intriguing Development...

...I noticed, over on Paddy Power, that Fr. Tim Finigan has entered the field for the Westminster Sweepstakes...

...and this late runner has pipped Cardinal Pell, entering in at 10-1.

Sorry as we in Blackfen would be to lose him, (and recalling a comment a while back on Fr. Z's blog about the appearance of the words "Mene, mene, tekel and parsin" on every episcopal dining-room wall), I think that "Timothy Cardinal Finigan" has a certain ring to it...

Catholic Blog Awards

Nominations for the Catholic Blog Awards have now closed. I was delighted to see that I scraped a nomination... last year I got five votes... maybe this year I can improve on this...

...though I'm not holding my breath as I merited only one mention out of the 50 pages of nominations...

But voting starts on Monday... or possibly on March 4th, which is actually Tuesday (looks as if someone forgot it was a leap year!)

The Latest Olympic Sport...

...is that of "spin-doctoring." Aided and abetted by the Western news agencies, (the BBC, the Guardian and Reuters are just three examples) the Chinese Communist regime is trying to smooth out any adverse publicity ahead of the Olympic Games by suggesting that they might scrap, or at least significantly relax, the one-child, forced-abortion population control policy.

You can read more about it on John Smeaton's blog. For those of you who don't already know, John is the Director of SPUC. His blog is an excellent source of news on the pro-life front.

What The Papers Say...

...seems to be whatever was on last week's blogosphere!

The intrepid Fr. Z has left Blighty, but before he went, the Catholic Herald managed to get an interview. Fr. Ray Blake claims the credit for this... on the basis that Fr. Z was in Fr. Ray's presbytery having breakfast at the time the interview was arranged... Reading the article, I gather that the interview itself occurred during Fr. Z's sojourn in Oxford. The man certainly covers some serious territory.

The story of how he converted to Catholicism makes for interesting reading. I can vouch for the fact that, as well as writing an excellent and entertaining blog, Fr. Z is entertaining and witty in "real life," and a thoroughly nice chap too.

I didn't think much of the photo taken by the Herald, and so have used the one I took on his visit last year... Fr. Z and Fr. T having coffee.

HFE Bill...

The relentless progress of this Bill strikes me as nothing less than diabolical. I received an email earlier today from a priest who suggested that every priest in the country should offer a Mass for its defeat.

There is more information to be found on the England & Wales website.
I would extend that: as many Catholics as possible should ask for a Mass Intention to be said for the defeat the Human Fertilisation & Embryology Bill.

Time to do some serious storming of the pearly gates.

A Little Light Relief...

...I've just finished writing reports for my Year 8 class. As I am in need of a little light relief at the end of that lot, I thought I would put up the following pics because they made me smile...

First up, this is a blonde's speedometer...

And now we have a demonstration of the best way to set up a car showroom if you wish to attract the blonde consumer...

The Art Of Taking Minutes...

I see that there is a current kerfuffle about the release of the Cabinet minutes from the meetings where the Cabinet discussed going to war with Iraq. Whatever was said, I doubt that there will be much to be gained from reading the minutes. Civil Servants have perfected the art of minute-taking, as Sir Humphrey Appleby, that apparently omniscient Whitehall mandarin, explains HERE.

(I can't put up the whole video clip, because it's been disabled by the BBC, but trust me, it's worth going to watch it!!)

Busy...

The problem with mock exams is that some poor soul has to sit down and mark the papers. I have two Year 9 classes. One class has 30 children. Fortunately, the other class, being a much lower ability set, is considerably smaller: only 21 children.

Each student sat two Science papers.

Each paper has about 32 pages - A4 size, by the way.

I need to apply rather a lot of red ink to those pages. Blogging may be a little light for the next day or two...

Eurovision 2008

Ireland has decided to register its disdain for the whole Eurovision thing by entering a puppet turkey to sing its 2008 entry, "Irlande douze points." I watched it just to see what the fuss was about - after all, The Muppet Show was quite cute, and they had some fabulous numbers...

Unfortunately, the turkey in question is not the lovable type one might find alongside Kermit and Miss Piggy. Dustin the turkey is rather repulsive, burping and passing wind... obviously Ireland have decided that there is no chance of them winning this year! I'm not really keen to put up the video, but you can follow the link...

*sigh* ...Come back, Riverdance, all is forgiven...

Anyway, in the meantime, this is my kind of puppet show...

More On Holy Water...

A few posts back, I wrote about the preparation of real Holy Water, the top-of-the-range, hardcore, send-devils-screaming-out-of-the-room stuff. The stuff, in other words, to which St. Teresa of Avila referred when she wrote:

"From long experience I have learned that there is nothing like holy water to put devils to flight and prevent them from coming back again. They also flee from the cross, but return; so holy water must have great value. For my own part, whenever I take it, my soul feels a particular and most notable consolation. In fact, it is quite usual for me to be conscious of a refreshment which I cannot possibly describe, resembling an inward joy which comforts my whole soul. This is not fancy, or something which has happened to me only once it has happened again and again and I have observed it most attentively. It is let us say, as if someone very hot and thirsty were to drink from a jug of cold water: he would feel the refreshment throughout his body. I often reflect on the great importance of everything ordained by the Church and it makes me very happy to find that those words of the Church are so powerful that they impart their power to the water and make it so very different from water which has not been blessed."

After Mass today, a woman asked for some Holy Water, and handed over a massive bottle. I looked in the jar, and realised that we would be just about cleaned out of holy water... so, not being the type to look a gift-horse in the mouth, happily filled the bottle right to the top, and then mentioned to Fr. Tim that his services would be required in order to replenish our sadly depleted stock...

...fortunately, I had my little camera to hand...

First of all the salt, then the water are exorcised. I found a translation of the prayers on the net (along with the original Latin), and they certainly pull no punches... I'm not sure how accurate the translation is, but I suspect that it's fine...

V. Our help is in the name of the Lord.
R. Who made heaven and earth.

Exorcism of Salt
O salt, creature of God, I exorcise you by the living God, by the true God, by the holy God, by the God who ordered you to be poured into the water by Eliseus the Prophet so that its life-giving powers might be restored. I exorcise you so that you may become a means of salvation for believers, that you may bring health of soul and body to all who make use of you, arid that you may put to flight and drive away from the places where you are sprinkled every apparition, villainy, and turn of devilish deceit, and every unclean spirit, adjured by Him Who will come to judge the living and the dead and the world by fire. Amen.

Let us pray.
Almighty and everlasting God, we humbly implore Thee, in Thy immeasurable kindness and love, to bless + and sanctify + this salt which Thou did create and give over to the use of mankind, so that it may become a source of health for the minds and bodies of all who make use of it, and may rid whatever it touches or sprinkles of all uncleanness and protect it from every assault of evil spirits. Through our Lord, Jesus Christ, Thy Son, Who lives and reigns with Thee in the unity of the Holy Spirit, God, for ever and ever.
R. Amen.

Exorcism of Water
O water, creature of God, I exorcise you in the name of God the Father almighty, and in the name of Jesus Christ His Son, our Lord, and in the power of the Holy Spirit. I exorcise you so that you may put to flight all the power of the Enemy, and be able to root out and supplant that Enemy with his apostate angels: through the power of our Lord Jesus Christ, Who will come to judge the living and the dead and the world by fire. Amen.

Let us pray.
O God, Who for the salvation of mankind has built Thy greatest mysteries on this substance, water, in Thy kindness hear our prayers and pour down the power of Thy blessing + into this element, made ready for many kinds of purifications. May this, Thy creature, become an agent of divine grace in the service of Thy mysteries, to drive away evil spirits and dispel sickness, so that every- thing in the homes and other buildings of the faithful that is sprinkled with this water may be rid of all uncleanness and freed from every harm. Let no breath of infection, no disease-bearing air, remain in these places. May the wiles of the lurking Enemy prove of no avail. Let whatever might menace the safety and peace of those who live here be put to flight by the sprinkling of this water, so that the healthfulness, obtained by calling upon Thy holy name, may be made secure against all attack. Through our Lord Jesus Christ, Thy Son, Who lives and reigns with Thee in the unity of the Holy Spirit, God, for ever and ever.
R. Amen.

The priest mixes a little salt into the water.
May a mixture of salt and water now be made in the name of the + Father, and of the + Son, and of the Holy + Spirit.
R. Amen.

V. The Lord be with you.
R. And with your spirit.

Let Us Pray.
O God, Creator unconquerable, invincible King, Victor ever-glorious, Who did hold in check the forces bent on dominating us, Who did overcome the cruelty of the raging enemy, Who did in Thy power beat down the wicked foe:

Humbly and fearfully do we pray to Thee, O Lord, and we ask Thee to look with favour on this salt and water which Thou has created. Shine on it with the light of Thy kindness. Sanctify it by the dew of Thy love, so that, through the invocation of Thy holy name, wherever this water and salt is sprinkled it may turn aside every attack of the unclean spirit and dispel the terror of the poisonous serpent. And wherever we may be, make the Holy Spirit present to us who now implore Thy mercy. Through our Lord Jesus Christ, Thy Son, Who lives and reigns with Thee in the unity of the Holy Spirit, God, forever and ever.
R. Amen.

This is a better picture... unfortunately there was quite a lot of light coming into the sacristy from the back, and it was difficult to get a really good shot because of the pillar in the middle.

And here you see the salt and water being mixed...

Et voilà... proper Holy Water!

Refurbished Lady Chapel

The great thing about half term is that it gives me a little time to catch up with old friends. I went for a very enjoyable lunch with Fr. Richard Whinder this afternoon. Fr. Whinder went through a phase on the blogosphere when, although neither writing a blog nor commenting on other people's blogs, he got pretty wide coverage. He doesn't want that coverage to recur, but he did consent to being photographed in the recently refurbished Lady Chapel in the parish church of St. Joseph's, New Malden, where he is Assistant Priest.

I took some pictures on my last visit, but had an attack of the blondes and pressed the wrong button or something, so didn't manage to show the chapel as it was a year ago. However, I didn't make the same mistake this time.

The arch around Our Lady is a mosaic of the rosary, with five decades shown. The crown was made for the statue in the 1950s, I think, and the sanctuary lamps are new. It's fabulous to see that churches are being made to look beautiful for the worship of God and the veneration of the saints.

Westminster Sweepstakes Round Two...

Methinks Ttony spends far too much time checking out Paddy Power's website... Be that as it may, he helpfully informs us that their book on the next Cardinal Archbishop of Westminster has been re-opened. You can check it out HERE. Archbishop Vincent Nichols is top of the list at 2-1, and Cardinal Pell's odds have lengthened to 12-1, joint with Fr. Aidan Nichols, Bishop Arthur Roche and Bishop Peter Smith. Paddy Power obviously have not been keeping up with the blogosphere, or Fr. Nichols' odds might be quite a bit shorter... though I see that Dom Hugh Gilbert has snuck in at number 2 with odds of 4-1...

No sign of Fathers Blake or Finigan...

Insider Information...

The Pastor in Valle has put up a very interesting post on the relative merits of e-petitions and letters to MPs. His source is a retired senior civil servant. I wonder if he bears any resemblance to Sir Humphrey Appleby?