How to Start a Holiday...

The first day of my half-term holiday started well... I was able to switch off my alarm clock (I'd forgotten to re-set the time) and roll over for an extra hour's snooze. The cat didn't think much of this: Sylvester has gotten used to being fed just before I leave the house, and he was most put out by being made to wait an extra hour for breakfast! And he has an ingenious way of making his displeasure felt... he sits on my shoulder and taps me on the nose. If this doesn't work, he unsheaths his claws and taps a second time.

Only on one previous occasion did he have to make a third attempt... he put his paw in my mouth and attempted to fish for my tongue. Needless to say, self-preservation now kicks in, and I wake up pretty fast once he starts tapping.

I then went to my Parish church for the usual Saturday morning devotions - we have Mass (usually a votive Mass of Our Lady, celebrated in English, Novus Ordo, but ad orientem at the Lady Altar) and then Exposition of the Blessed Sacrament for an hour (this is at the High Altar) with silent adoration (and opportunity for Confession) concluding with Benediction.

Today I was booked in to meet with my spiritual director after Benediction. I would say having a good director is pretty vital if you want to take your spiritual life seriously. However, I do approach each session of SD with a certain amount of ambivalence: I know it is good for my soul, and I know that it's necessary, but at the end of a session I generally feel as if I've had my insides scoured out with a brillo pad, and gone ten rounds with Mike Tyson to boot. My SD is pretty thorough!

After I escaped (sorry, that should have read after the session ended...) I drove over to New Addington for tea and a chat with a friend of mine who's the Parish Priest there. I've been so busy with work that I don't think we've chatted properly since the Faith Summer Session (or thereabouts) so we had plenty to catch up on. Anyway, he persuaded me to come along and speak to the parents of his First Communion children about the problems of sex education in Catholic Schools, some time in January.

I felt I'd had such a good day that I decided to pop in to church on my way home to say Evening Prayer, and I stayed for Mass. The sermon was on our need for penance and self-sacrifice if we wished to attain true peace of mind, the true peace that passes all understanding. More food for thought.

...and then I treated myself to a Kentucky Fried Chicken which I shared with Sylvester. All in all, not a bad way to start the holidays!

Rosary Crusade Pictures

I was going to try and download one or two photos from my phone, but just haven't had the time. However, I have been told that I need to have more photos on my blog.

So, without further ado...

Religious Persecution?

This contribution from Credo made me cry (albeit with laughter!) Check out what they did to "Sr. Cecilia" through the link HERE. The comments are illuminating too!

Yippee!

I've just finished teaching. Normally I have another lesson, but that particular class is on work experience this week, so I finish slightly earlier. And somehow or other I haven't got any meetings scheduled after lunch....

...so effectively, I'm on my half term holidays...

Yipeeeeee!

The down side (and there's always a down side) is that I have lots and lots of marking to do, a scheme of work to create and next half term's lessons to plan. So I guess the week-long trip to the Caribbean is off !!

Courses

I was right... the course was somewhere near Euston. Not very near, but close. Same city...

;-)

It was actually very good, and well worth the hassle of setting cover work for the day. It always amazes me as to the lengths the Exam Boards will go to to get students through the exams (yes, you read that right... the Boards actually want students to pass!)

For example, the textbook endorsed by the Exam Board has lots of mistakes in it - and I don't mean typos or grammar. Things like describing how the prisoner in Plato's analogy of the Cave escapes and makes his way outside... in fact, he is forcibly dragged out, and this rather changes the emphasis of the analogy! The Chief Examiners very helpfully pointed out that, since the Board had endorsed the book, the students could not be marked down for reproducing the errors.

...Unfortunately I don't think a covering note from me explaining that I'm responsible for any errors the students might make so can they please not mark the students down will cut any ice with the Board...

H'Euston, We Could Have a Problem...

I pride myself at being reasonably well-organised (at work, anyway!) I try to file away all important documents as quickly as possible (I like a clear desk) so that I can retrieve them quickly and easily when needed.

For example, tomorrow I am booked to attend an exam board course to hear the examiners' comments about students' performance on the AS and A Level Theology exams this summer. These courses can vary greatly in how interesting or useful they are, but the ones run by the Exam Boards themselves are generally good.

I received confirmation of my place on the course about three weeks ago, read the venue details briefly (this particular Exam Board saves time and effort by sending a whole booklet of their most commonly used London venues, and indicating the relevant one in the confirmation letter) and promptly filed the documents away.

I had quite a busy day today: lessons in the morning, a lunchtime meeting, a line management meeting with one of my colleagues, a strategy meeting to discuss Psychology exam coursework requirements with another colleague, and a twilight INSET on interactive whiteboards. I told myself firmly that the last thing I should do was forget to retrieve my confirmation letter and venue booklet...

...and sure enough, just before leaving, the last thing I did... was to forget to retrieve my confirmation letter and venue booklet...

Aaaaarghhhhh!

I have absolutely no idea where I am supposed to be going tomorrow morning! I seem to recall that it is somewhere in the vicinity of Euston (hence the awful pun in the post heading... sorry, couldn't resist!)

So much for my sneaky plan to have an extra hour in bed... I shall have to go and get the letter in the morning!

*sigh*

Online Humour

Here's an example of the sort of thing I would get sent by email and then pass on to all my friends... basically now they've got to come and get it!

It's a giggle... the LINK is here if you want to find out more! But just a snippet as a taster:

You may be a truly modern Catholic if you think that...

...Fulton Sheen is a kind of pantyhose

...the "three-strikes-and-you're-out rule" concerns divorce

...the baptismal font is a new typeface in Microsoft Word

...an icon is something on your computer screen

Enjoy! H/T to Ironic Catholic

And Another Blog Added to the Roll

I have tried to update my blogroll (a little) to reflect which blogs I check most frequently (saves me having to scroll down too far)... it's not necessarily an indication of how much I like them: I have a very old computer, and blogs with too many frames, videos or pictures just take too long to load!

However, I noticed a few important omissions (Joee Blogs being one) and while investigating, I discovered a blog from Dad With Noisy Kids...

He has a theory, according to one post, that there is a vast right-wing/drumstick/thigh Catholic conspiracy to take over the world... and some of his evidence is convincing! Check it out HERE.

Rosary Crusade Update

As I suspected, Father Tim of the Hermeneutic of Continuity has posted his sermon from yesterday's fantastic Rosary Crusade of Reparation, which he delivered at the London Oratory. Just in case there is anyone who is reading my blog who hasn't read his already (unlikely, I know), then you can read the full text of the sermon HERE.

I found his use of the phrase "my dear people" very moving: it quite brought a lump to my throat. We still address our priests as "Father" but we don't often hear the pastoral concern reciprocated quite so clearly. Terms of address like "my child", "my son", "my daughter" or "my people" are found often in the sermons of such great preachers as St. John Vianney and St Francis de Sales. Maybe we need to bring them back to remind us of our priests' pastoral role.

Homily Dedication

A while back I did a post (linked HERE if you're interested) on our responsibility to avoid occasions of sin as well as the sins themselves. In (respectfully) suggesting that we needed to hear more sermons on this subject I mentioned St Teresa of Avila and St Catherine of Siena who were my role models in that they also (respectfully) told a few clerics to pull their socks up...

While not needing to challenge my favourite blogging clerics in quite the same way, I think it's helpful to indicate that not all Catholic laywomen are mad feminists who don't want to hear anything about Humanae vitae, abortion, reserving the priesthood to men, etc. etc. because our sensibilities might be upset. Too often, the only female voice heard in the Church (and certainly the only one listened to by the English hierarchy) is that of the all-too-vocal minority who, in my humble opinion, can hardly be classed as Catholic anyway because of their dissent from Church doctrine...

...but I digress (I'm beginning to feel a rantette coming on, and I don't want to burst my nice cosy Sunday morning bubble)

Anyway, Fr Stephanos, one of the four priests I challenged has actually done a short homily on St Teresa of Avila and dedicated it to me, which was sweet! You can read it HERE.

...I've never had a homily dedicated to me before!!

Out of the Mouths of Babes....

I heard an absolute classic at the SPUC lunch in our parish today. Trust me, it actually happened - but it deserves to go down in history as one of those apocryphal tales that end up doing the rounds via email.

The young daughter of one of my friends approached our table with a book of raffle tickets. She'd already snaffled me, so she decided to try and sell a few more to her father.

"Daddy, do you want to buy a raffle ticket?"
"No thanks, I'm ok."
"Oh, okay... Can I buy a raffle ticket?"
"Well, yes, if you want to."
"Oh good... Daddy, can I have some money please?"

It was priceless!

Rosary Crusade of Reparation

I was in two minds as to whether I'd make the effort to go along to this... I've been feeling under the weather this past week, and I knew that my ankle wasn't going to be able to hold up for the actual walk (not unless I wanted to be off work for a week!!) And another factor to consider was that we had our SPUC parish lunch today as well.

I decided to compromise... I went to the lunch first, but left before the talk started (I shared a table with the speaker - a brother from the Franciscan Friars of the Renewal: these chaps are "awesome" - and I was therefore able to explain my early departure!) and then I drove down to the Brompton Oratory in Knightsbridge, London. I'd originally intended to go by tube from North Greenwich, but heard that there were engineering works... I didn't actually need much of an excuse to drive - I find it very relaxing.


The journey took an hour and a quarter (most of the last 20 minutes was searching for an available parking space, so going round and round some side roads) and then I went in to the Oratory. Believe it or not, it's the first time I've actually been inside the church. I've been to a few events held in the rooms next door: just never made it to the church.

My first reaction was "WOW"!! Let's just say that there is little room for doubt that this place is a Catholic church... if it wasn't covered in marble, it was painted with cherubs or religious scenes. Michelangelo eat your heart out. And statues everywhere.

The Oratory is deceptively big: it doesn't take up much room on the Brompton Road, but inside it just seems to go on and on. Wonderful place.

I arrived well before 3pm and after having greeted an old friend, Lizzie and promised to catch up with her at the end (she's been studying with the Community of St John somewhere in France for the past few years) I settled down to pray a rosary and to await the arrival of the procession.

We knew that the procession had arrived because of the flashing blue lights of the police motorcycles which had accompanied the procession from Westminster Cathedral (in Victoria - yes, London is a confusing place!) and the cheer which went up to thank the police escort. Then hundreds of people started pouring in to the church. In a most un-Catholic manner loads of people made their way to the front. After a minute or two the reason became obvious: the church was full. Many people were standing, some sat on the bases of the marble pillars, and the side chapels all had their seats fully occupied. I'm not good at numbers, but there must have been close on two thousand people present.

Then the statue of Our Lady of Fatima was brought in by the Catholic Police Guild - this had led the procession through the London streets. We sang Marian hymns with gusto, and recited prayers, and there was a sermon given by Fr Tim from the Hermeneutic of Continuity. Hopefully he will post the full text, because it was a real corker.

I think one of the most moving parts of the experience was when the statue of Our Lady was carried to the chapel of St Mary Magdalene: we sang "The thirteenth of May at the Cova d'Iria" and apparently there is a tradition in Fatima of waving goodbye to the statue with a white hankie. A few people were prepared, but the rest of us waved our white prayer sheets during the "Ave Maria" chorus. Hundreds and hundreds of white prayer sheets all being waved as the statue was carried away. Another of those "wow!" moments to treasure.

Outside I couldn't find Lizzie, but bumped into Dan Cooper (a stalwart of the Faith Movement from when it started up in the John Fisher School, Purley), and then Jamie Bogle (husband of Joanna who has such a lovely blog - Auntie Joanna Writes) and finally bumped into Joanna herself and her mother Ursula.

It was especially heartening to see the number of mantillas in evidence! And finally, it was wonderful to see so many young people and young families give up their Saturday to go on a procession through the streets of London in reparation for sin and blasphemy. I'm with the Holy Father on this one: the Church is alive, the Church is young...!

Another Blog Discovered

I may find myself with a blogroll as long as my arm, but I'm determined to expand my blogging horizons in a vain attempt to get to post some news while it still is news.

...I have also decided that I'm not going to tell Fr Tim about any more interesting little snippets over a pint in the Parish Club because he is shameless about going straight up to his computer to put the posts on, and I have to drive home first. Hmmn. I wonder if he'll go for a Parish Internet Cafe Club....

But anyway, I found Diane's blog over at Te Deum Laudamus (a pretty neat name for a blog!)

Being Trad in the Modern World

I was interested to come across the following advice for how to be a traditional Catholic in a Novus Ordo world. As I said in my last post, I'm not actually anti-Novus Ordo myself, but quite a lot of what I read in this article struck home: things like observing the Friday abstinence rule (which although no longer compulsory, hasn't been outlawed), observing an extended fast before Communion, or (my favourite, natch!) women wearing veils in church...

...plenty of food for thought, especially with the season of Advent fast approaching.

Mantilla-tip to Ma Beck of the WardWideWeb for this one.

Classical Rite Latin Mass

An interesting little snippet came my way via the blogosphere: a post circulating the latest rumours about the Classical Rite Mass on Credo.

I shall nail my own colours to the mast here. I like the New Rite Mass (yes, I fully expect to be blasted to smithereens on the spot for daring to utter such views) but in true "sitting-on-the-fence" mode I will add that I only like it when it is celebrated with reverence and decorum, and according to the rubrics.

I do not like the Novus Ordo Mass when the priest decides to play fast and loose with the words of the Mass, or tries to make me feel included by becoming politically correct ("sisters and brothers" is clumsy and downright patronising), or, under the guise of not being too caught up in details, cuts corners in the choice of sacred vessels, vestments and altar linens, etc. etc.

Under these circumstances, I am generally to be found gritting my teeth, scowling, and remaining in my seat only because, once the words of consecration are uttered, my Lord and God is present on the altar. And if I am in a state of grace then no crummy liturgical abuser is going to get in the way of me receiving Holy Communion (I un-grit my teeth at that point!)

I had better also make clear that my own Parish Priest does not muck about with the liturgy. It would be interesting to do a time-and-motion study to gauge whether my suspicions about his gradual introduction of eastward-facing Mass are true (I think he's on about a 5mm turn each week) but other than that he's fine...

;-)

Lately (the past couple of years) I have been exposed occasionally to the Classical Rite Latin Mass. The difference literally took my breath away: I found myself afraid to breathe at the Consecration and at the elevation of the Host in case I disturbed the solemnity of the moments.

I don't speak (or read) Latin, although I occasionally follow the words of the Mass in a Missal with the English translation next to the Latin. But usually I just sit quietly and pray (sometimes the Rosary, sometimes from a prayer book and sometimes just silently in my own words). I can tell pretty easily what part of the Mass has been reached. I never feel as if I'm being excluded, or am not praying. And because of the silence and the ageless symbolism of the gestures I feel the presence of the angels and saints, and I feel privileged to be there, united with the whole Church throughout time...

I now understand my father's horror when, coming back to the Church after a long absence, he returned home one Sunday declaring that it had all turned "Protestant". I thought he was over-reacting to the use of the vernacular, never imagining in my wildest nightmares that the glories of the liturgy which had been celebrated, fought for and died for over the centuries could possibly just be discarded on a whim.

I'm not calling for the Novus Ordo Mass to be abolished (though it needs some serious tightening up to avoid the abuses which have crept in) but there has to be room for the Classical Rite. After all, we are the Catholic Church.

How Nerdy Are You?

I had a few spare minutes (a rare occurrance) and, mindful that I am under strict orders to post at least once a day, I thought I'd have a go at this little test.

I always suspected that I was slightly nerdy (very nerdy for a woman) because of my early interest in computers (I used to devise quizes in BASIC and teach First Years computer programming when I was a Sixth Form student... and I remember the giant leap forward when Sinclair Spectrums first came out!!)

Well, here is definitive proof: I suspect my score would have been higher if there had been a question about what sex I was...



Mantilla-tip to Fr Tim for this one!

Best of St Blog's UK

Oooh, goody! I've been challenged by 1dayin7 from Blogging the Catholic Church in England and Wales to complete a meme.

He's starting up a new one: the best of St Blog's UK. I have to identify one of my favourite blog posts...

1. From my own blog. Not easy, when I'm such a witty and entertaining blogee (not!)

It's no good: I am just going to have to pick three. I quite enjoyed my first proper post (not counting the "welcome to my blog" post) which was a rant about inclusive language. This was closely linked to another rant on a favourite topic: heretical hymns. And my final choice will have to be my post on wearing the mantilla (so far this post has had the most comments.) Yes, I know I cheated. Be thankful I limited myself to just three...

2. From another UK Catholic Blogger.

Easy: it has to be Fr Tim over at the Hermeneutic of Continuity, but my favourite post is trickier - they're all so good (and no, he hasn't paid me to say that!) Ok, I'll plump for his post on manual work at Parkminster. It was a fascinating insight into the life of a Carthusian monk, and the shots of Fr Tim wielding an axe made me think twice about picking any arguments with him over which hymns I think we should have at Benediction...

3. My favourite UK Catholic Website.

This just has to be the one from the Faith Movement, a group I've been involved with for many years. They have all of their publications available for free download which is simply fantastic. All good, sound stuff, including Faith Magazine.


Right, now I tag Fr Tim, Fr John, Paulinus and Fr Nicholas to complete this meme...

Feeling Neglected

Ok, as I've spent some considerable time reading lots of my favourite blogs in order to catch up, I have decided that I am now going to start sulking...

...I haven't been tagged by anyone for a meme ! Definitely not fair...

:-)

Dressing with Dignity

One of my friends gave me a copy of this book by Colleen Hammond a couple of weeks back: my heart sank when I got it, as right now I don't really need any distractions. Reading material which is nothing to do with either work or my Divinity course right now gets classed as a distraction. So I stuck it in my bag and decided that I'd get round to reading it, out of politeness, but not quite yet.

As luck would have it, I found myself with rather a long wait in Outpatients (I'm finally having physiotherapy on my reluctant-to-heal ankle) and as I'd omitted to empty my handbag for a while, the book was still there. So I started to read...

I showed the book to my Parish Priest - he borrowed it (on the basis that he reads much faster than I do) and he said that he was going to do a post on it. Seeing my one chance at a decent post subject slipping from my grasp, I begged him not to post on it until I had done mine (and shamelessly distracted him with the loan of another book which was more up his street post-wise anyway!) And so, here goes...

Colleen Hammond writes very well - she is a former beauty queen and model who is keen to share her concerns about the way women are forced to dress by the fashion industry, and to encourage modesty in dress. Importantly, she points out that "modest" does not mean "frumpy" and she also talks about femininity and grace, which equally have nothing to do with frills and flounces!

When I started to read the book, I thought that there was little in it for me personally, though I was interested in her views on the driving forces behind the revolution in women's fashions. I thought that, over the years, my choice of clothing had become more modest, especially since my return to the Church.

However, some of what Colleen had written really touched a nerve: I used never to go out without wearing makeup, but in the past few years I had skimped a little on this, with the excuse that I was being vain in making such a fuss, but in fact I was getting too lazy to put the makeup on. Reading Colleen's book made me realise that putting on my makeup (a small amount, nothing excessive) was a sign of respect for myself and respect for other people - neglecting my appearance is not a sign of modesty. And I know that I feel (and act) differently when I have "put my face on."

Colleen's comments about dressing smartly also struck home. Dressing for comfort is fine inside the house, but outside needs a little more attention. And what we wear to Mass is also important: sure, the externals shouldn't concern us too much, but what I wear shouldn't be a distraction to either myself or to others... and dressing in a sloppy, careless manner can draw attention to yourself just as much as being overdressed.

Hmmn. I feel a shopping trip to Bluewater might be in order...

Time to Draw Breath

Well, here I am again, at last. I realised that I've been so busy lately that not only have I not been keeping my own blog up-to-date, but I haven't even been checking out any of my favourites...

The new job is partly to blame - it doesn't matter how well you know your stuff, a new job always takes up more time and effort as you get to grips with the way things are done (invariably it is different from any other place you've ever worked in!) So by the time I have finished lesson planning and preparation, marking, chasing up absences, attending meetings and so on, I haven't got much time for anything else... And then, I actually have to add teaching to that lot!

This week has been particularly fraught: it started badly as I was away for a Residential Weekend at the Maryvale Institute, Birmingham. In my spare time I'm studying for a BA in Divinity, and the Residentials are part of the course requirement. It's probably not a good idea to start my studies again along with the new job, but I've started and stopped a few times now, as each year something seems to crop up. Last year it was breaking my ankle at the end of the summer holiday and then having a major car crash just before Christmas. So, working on the basis that something or other will always happen, I decided to take the bull by the horns and just get on with it...

The week then took a downward turn with the arrival of Section 48 Inspectors. This is the Catholic Church's version of OFSTED inspections. A bit like the Inquisition, only less friendly. Actually they weren't too bad. One of the Inspectors assured me that you have to do something really awful to fail. I had one lesson observed, and luckily for me my students didn't clam up and just sit there (this nightmare scenario did happen in one inspection I went through a while back: the class were pretty silent all the way through, instead of being their normal, boisterous selves. When challenged the next day they protested that they wanted to be "good" for me in front of the inspector!) Anyway, we passed. So now I can breathe again...

However, I notice that readership of my blog is right down: I am under strict orders to get my act together and post at least once a day - and when you get an instruction like that from a successful blogger like Fr Tim (of the Hermeneutic of Continuity), well, you just can't argue with that!

Materialism

Teaching is a very rewarding occupation. The students I get to interact with each day are intelligent and witty (well, usually) and it's a rare day when something they say doesn't make me smile.

But it is a real puzzle to find out just how many of them don't believe in heaven. Quite a few are into the concept of reincarnation, but there's no sense of a final destination... and of course, many are convinced materialists, absolutely sure that when we die that's the end of the matter (literally!)

It will be interesting to see how their ideas develop over the year...

Anniversary

As I mentioned in my last post, I've been rather too busy to do much in the way of blogging lately. I have even neglected reading other people's blogs, which means it's serious neglect - especially for an email and blog addict like myself!

So a retrospective post... I was delighted to have to update my profile slightly: last Saturday was the anniversary of my return to the Church, and I am absolutely astonished when I consider that it has been fourteen years. It feels like it happened yesterday.

I don't remember the date, but I noted that it was the Saturday evening Mass on the 24th Sunday in Ordinary Time, Year C. Having gone to Confession and been reconciled with God, I was so moved that I spent most of the Mass in (thankfully silent) tears. I do recall that the sermon seemed to be directed personally at me... obviously it wasn't, no priest would do such a thing to a penitent, but when I came to look back at the Mass readings, I realised that the Gospel was on the theme of repentance: There is more rejoicing in heaven over one repentent sinner...

...It's nice to think you've been the cause of a major party!!

Pastures New

I have been neglecting my blog over the past couple of weeks. I started a new job at the beginning of September and the first week was totally manic: confusion over subjects, timetables, rooms, resources, plus the added stress of trying to figure out a new building layout and new staff meant that I have had little time to think let alone blog. Things were only made worse when I saw what I would actually be teaching - Philosophy of Religion, General RE, Psychology and Biology, plus I'm a Personal Tutor (to about 20 students)...

The students finally started lessons on Monday morning, and I have begun to feel more settled as a result - put me in front of a class, and I can't help it: a captive audience brings out the exhibitionist in me! Even so, getting the hang of my timetable is going to be tricky.

So the increased workload as I get to grips with all the different exam board requirements will restrict the time I have available for blogging, and my posts will be fairly erratic for some time to come. Spare a prayer for me (and my unfortunate students) as we start the new academic year!

Bavarian Crop Circles

I've been rather preoccupied in the past week or two. I will be posting again shortly. In the meantime, I thought I'd share the following LINK for a bit of amusement!

Advice to Students (And All of Us)

I came across the following post giving advice to Catholic students about to leave for University from Paulinus at +In Hoc Signo Vinces+

He had found it in the Catholic Soldier's Prayerbook (1942) - I found it very moving, but I don't think it needs to be restricted to students and soldiers... I think all of us would do well to keep it in mind. Temptation is not a sin, but in the modern rush to prevent people from getting over-scrupulous, the duty to avoid occasions of sin (where we know we will be tempted) is no longer preached about as often as it should be...

...that's as "theological" as I get, being a laywoman who knows her place! So I guess that's a challenge to all you priests out there to get into the pulpit with some hard-hitting sermons ("homilies" sounds so wishy-washy!!)

"Remember that no amount of prayers will keep you from sin unless you do your part and keep out of temptation. St Paul warns us that Faith without good works is dead. He also tells us that provided temptation is not of our making God will surely give us the grace to master it. Don’t weaken yourself by thinking that you are certain to fall. That is fifth column work against yourself. On the other hand don’t presume; don’t put yourself in danger. He that loveth the danger shall surely perish in the danger."

And a line which hit home hard:

"At heart Pontius Pilate was not a bad man."

BTW, before anyone gets all upset about the idea of a woman knowing her place, there are one or two great women saints of the Church who knew their place too... St Teresa of Avila and St Catherine of Sienna spring immediately to mind (and they were not to be messed with!) I'm no saint, but I like their attitude ! So, Fr Tim, Fr Nicholas, Fr John and Fr Stephanos - consider yourselves "tagged"... I shall look forward to reading the sermons once they've been blogged!

New Disorder Diagnosed

Curt Jester has highlighted a real breakthrough in medical science. Apparently there is a disorder, hitherto undiagnosed, which is similar to colour-blindness and which impairs a person's ability to see rubrics in the Roman Missal, and thus affecting their ability to "say the black, do the red."

Luckily, help is at hand. Click HERE for details of treatment programmes being introduced at a centre near you.

Unfortunately, it would appear that the condition is irreversible in Liturgists. Psychological investigation reveals that,

"For some reason all liturgist given an ink blot test saw liturgical dancers in every pattern. They also had the tendency to move about the furniture in the psychologist's office for no discernable reason."

Variation on a Blonde Joke

I used to send these things out by email (if they made me laugh) but a friend pointed out that really, if I thought they were funny enough, I should put them on the blog and see who bothered to read them rather than adding to voluminous quantities of junk mail... especially since many of them seem to have the "send this to five people and see what happens, you'll have a nice surprise please don't break the chain" line added - which only gets up my nose, and I often delete those ones straight off...

I heard this one as a blonde joke, but was told it shortly after in another version, and it sounded even better, so here goes...

A well-dressed man drives up to a field, gets out and walks over to speak to the farmer. "Excuse me," he said, "but if I can tell you the size of your farm, the type of crops you have in the top field and their productivity, can I have one of your sheep?"

The farmer agrees, so the man continues: "Well, your farm is 150 hectares, the top field contains winter wheat and you're currently at a yield of 75%."

The farmer reluctantly concedes that the information is correct, and invites him to help himself to a sheep. The man picks one up, and starts to walk off.

The farmer stops him, and suggests another wager. "I bet you're one of those hot-shot consultants," he says. "Why yes," replies the man, "But how did you know?"

"Well," replies the farmer, "You turn up uninvited, demand payment for giving me information which I already know, and you don't know the first thing about the subject you're spouting on about...."

"...so can I now please have my sheepdog back!"

Blogging Blues

I was obviously getting too confident, and so it was time for another spanner in the works. I had switched to Beta Blogger, and tried to update my template. Oh dear... big mistake. For some reason the oh-so-easy-to-manage-and rearrange layouts wouldn't allow themselves to be managed and rearranged. I couldn't click and drag and kept getting weird and indecipherable error messages whenever I tried to edit anything...

...even more worryingly, the page elements on the layout then appeared to disappear when I tried to edit them...

...luckily I decided to have a look at the html code (even though this is probably more inaccessible to me than Ancient Greek - or modern Greek for that matter!) and, after I recovered from the first message (ie. html editing is not available, yet) I spotted a button which seemed to promise to revert to the old layout. Phew.

...mind you, I'm such an erratic blogger that most of you probably didn't even notice...

The Little Book of Calm for Cats

A good friend of mine sent me The Little Book of Calm for Cats by Stuart & Linda MacFarlane which she'd spotted in a hospice book sale. It's fun, and everyone who has ever owned a cat will be able to recognise their moggy, so I thought I'd share a few quotes:

"From time to time engage in the seemingly trivial pursuit of frantically
chasing a ball of wool. This frivolous activity will absorb all your
negative energy and fill you with a wonderful sense of inner peace."

Hmmn. Sounds a bit too close to 'liturgical' dance for my liking!

"Practise the art of Feng Shui - rearrange your human's possessions to enhance your mood. Knock car keys and jewellery onto the floor, preferably into a dark corner out of sight, then stretch out and let your mind relax in a clutter-free environment."

Yup. Sylvester's read that bit and taken it to heart. And finally:

"Climb into a box - any box. Inside you will discover a mystical
place where you can escape from all the stresses and strains of the
world."

Thanks for Prayers

A while back I mentioned that my sister was having a few problems with her pregnancy, and I asked for prayers for her and her unborn baby.

Deo gratias - it seems to have paid off ! The bleeding she was experiencing has stopped, and the baby appears to be doing well. Martina has to take things easy, but, God willing, I shall be an Aunt in early January (or thereabouts... )

Family Prayers

Friends of mine invited me round for dinner this evening. I was in for a real treat: the meal was excellent (as always) and the conversation flowed, but the highlight of the evening was being invited to join the family for their night prayers.

Five children (there would have been six, but the eldest is married and doesn't live at home) and their parents knelt down in the living room together to pray a decade of the Rosary, a litany of favourite family saints, an act of contrition and a few other prayers before the younger children scooted off to bed. I couldn't help thinking that if more families prayed together there would be far fewer problems in the world.

I felt so privileged to be with them.

Our Lady, Star of the Sea

One advantage of Fr Tim's temporary absence from the blogging scene is that I get a chance to put up a post on what's been happening in the parish before he does... (his blog is so much better-written than mine, and he says what I'm thinking anyway, so I sort of feel that there's not much point just repeating it all!)

Anyway, on Monday morning the Stella Maris icon from the Apostleship of the Sea arrived in our parish. It's a beautiful icon, and the image I have doesn't really do it justice. It's massive, and comes complete with its own stand, plus another two stands for the explanatory notes - being an icon, all of the component parts have a symbolic meaning.

The icon was carried into the church by some of our parishioners just after the morning Mass, and Braz, one of our deacons, led us in saying three Hail Marys and a prayer to Our Lady, Star of the Sea by Pope John Paul II. We then sang "Hail Queen of heaven" which was particularly appropriate as it repeats the phrase "Star of the sea" and afterwards went in to the parish hall for tea and coffee and the chance for a chat.

There weren't that many people around for the Monday morning Mass, but on both Tuesday and today we had 50-60 parishioners. I was delighted that this happened during my summer holiday, so I was able to attend. Unfortunately, the icon has now moved on, I think to Our Lady of the Angels, Erith.

O Mary, Star of the Sea, light of every ocean, guide seafarers across all dark and stormy seas that they may reach the haven of peace and light prepared in Him who calmed the sea. As we set forth upon the oceans of the world and cross deserts of our time, show us, O Mary, the fruit of your womb, for without your Son we are lost.

Pray that we will never fail on life's journey, that in heart and mind, word and deed, in days of turmoil and in days of calm, we will always look to Christ and say, "Who is this that even wind and sea obey him?" Our Lady of Peace, pray for us! Bright Star of the Sea, guide us!

UPDATE: It would seem that Fr. Tim beat me to it again - he put up a post on the parish blog on Sunday. You can read about the different symbols in the icon HERE.

Servers and Serviettes

I obviously have a little too much free time on my hands this holiday (ie. I'm not spending as much time as I should on preparing for the new term) but I came across Indolent Server's blog. He's been posting some cute cartoons of an altar server called Speck... I was also highly amused by his referring to female altar servers as "serviettes" !

Results Day

Tomorrow is the day that the AS and A Level results are published in England. Students (and teachers) have a pretty awful time of it: if the percentage of pass grades is higher than previous years, then the media have a field day slamming the exams for being too easy; if, on the other hand, the percentage is lower, then teachers, schools and colleges are hammered for failing to provide a decent education...

...there is no doubt that exams have changed drastically - and I do think that the old GCE 'O' and 'A' levels were of a higher standard: there were far fewer structured questions, for example, and the increased number of essay-type questions meant that students had to organise their answers more carefully. However, the breadth of knowledge for each subject has increased drastically (sacrificing depth in many cases), there is far more emphasis on evaluating information rather than recall, and the sheer number of papers taken for each subject is such that today's students have to work incredibly hard, and probably harder than previously.

So spare a thought (and a prayer) for any students who are awaiting their results tomorrow (and the GCSEs next week.)

Warning Signs

To accompany my little rant-ette on hymns modern (I have few problems with hymns ancient, apart from agreeing totally with Dilexit Prior about keeping the traditional Latin hymns in Latin), I thought I'd draw your attention to the following new signs which might, in these days of litigation, be of use in some of our parishes...





More can be found courtesy of the Dumb Ox.

Hat-tip (or should that be mantilla-tip?) to the Moral Highground for this one.

Wearing the Mantilla

Recently I've been asked by a few people why I wear a mantilla. It occurred to me that it might be worth posting a few thoughts on the matter.

I have a problem with one of my knees which prevents me from kneeling. It is difficult to explain why this should cause me any distress, because it's hardly my fault, but I felt very strongly that I wanted (and even needed) to make some outward sign of respect for Our Lord, present in the Blessed Sacrament. As well as kneeling, the traditional sign of respect given by men has always been the removal of their hats, and in the same way, women covered their hair, either wearing a mantilla, another type of headscarf, or a hat.

Once I began to look into the wearing of the mantilla in more detail, I discovered that the reason why women covered their heads (or more accurately, their hair) was because the hair was seen as a woman's "crowning glory" and a sign of her beauty, and therefore to cover her hair is a gesture of humility before God.

I also find that stopping in the church porch to put on my mantilla helps to remind me that I am about to enter God's house, and that I am entering into the presence of God. Because of this, it is a real aid to prayer - we are both body and soul, so outward signs are important (though obviously they can't be the only things we focus on.)

I read in one article the suggestion that wearing a mantilla could be considered a sacramental - I'm not sure whether this is so, and would be interested to hear from any priests out there who have views on the subject.

If there are any women out there who are thinking about wearing the mantilla, but are a little self-conscious, I would really recommend it. It soon becomes second nature, and before you know it, you'll feel positively undressed without one!

Heretical Hymns

While surfing the net this evening (well, ok, it was late when I got in, so it's been more of a brief paddle) I came across the following interesting little snippet from George Weigel (I presume it is the same George Weigel as wrote the biography of John Paul II) on the importance of the hymns we sing... if we are actually going to sing hymns at all.

I know one or two people who would prefer to get rid of all hymns and just stick to Gregorian chant and I have to confess that I am not one of them... but I do like my hymns to be rooted in solid theology, and to have a reasonable melody... and the language has to be poetic (if it's in the vernacular.)

I didn't recognise all the hymns George mentioned (I presume they're American "favourites") but I rather liked his idea about a 50-year ban on the hymns that, while not bad in themselves, have been played and sung to death... I would add "especially in schools" to that, because there only seem to be a handful which are trotted out with painful regularity.

I especially loathe "Here I am, Lord" (if it's played at the wrong speed it can be teeth-achingly bad) "I am the Bread of Life" (especially the PC version, which just clunks) and "Walk in the Light" (ouch !)

So, any other hymns we should expunge from our parish hymn books?

Palliative Care

Following on from my post on the case of Tony Bland and where that has landed us today, Paulinus has written an excellent article on how hydration and feeding should be provided and the role of palliative care.

He put the URL in the comments box, but I think it's much too good to get hidden away there: so click HERE for it !

Sleeping Beauty

Fr Nicholas of Roman Miscellany has put up a post showing the death mask of Mary, Queen of Scots.

Not that I'm obsessed with the way I look, but I couldn't help reflecting that, judging from the death mask, she looked a lot better dead than I do first thing in the morning...

Tempus Fugit

Ever get the impression that life is whizzing by faster and faster as the years pile up? Well the sensation wasn't helped this morning when I heard on the radio that Harrods, the famous store in Knightsbridge, London, UK has just opened its Christmas department... yes, in August !

...Hurry, hurry, hurry !! Only 117 shopping days till Christmas (I refuse to include Sundays in that!)

Book Meme Update

I found that both Fr. Stephanos and Thomas took up my book meme challenge (though Fr. Stephanos saw someone else's tag first.)

I particularly liked Thomas's choice of book for a desert island (Thompson's Practical Guide to Shipbuilding.) However, a comment on his post really impressed me. Dim Bulb declared that the book he'd really wished had been written was The Decline and Fall of the Culture of Death by John Paul II...

Wow. I wish I'd thought of that one!

Death by Dehydration

Reading Fr. Tim's post on NHS patients being denied food and fluids because this was classed as "medical treatment" reminded me about the Bland ruling. It's referred to a lot in Pro-Life circles, but it occurred to me that it happened quite a few years ago, and some readers may not be aware of how awful the case was.

Having worked as an auxiliary nurse to help pay my way through my degree, I had lots of nursing friends. They were able to tell me some of the inside information that didn't seem to make it to the papers.

Tony Bland had been diagnosed as being in a persistent vegetative state after having sustained crush injuries in the Hillsborough Disaster. However, he was not in any pain or distress. It was decided to withdraw food and fluids, and the justification for this was that artificial feeding and hydration constituted medical treatment.

Quite apart from the realisation that this was the thin end of the wedge in allowing euthanasia by neglect, my nursing friends pointed out that dehydration was such a painful way to die that Tony Bland actually needed to be given strong painkillers to alleviate the agony caused (which was clearly visible to the staff nursing him)...

It is a very short step from giving drugs to alleviate the "discomfort" associated with the withdrawal of food and fluids to giving a lethal injection to hasten the death of a patient who isn't being given such basic nursing care. Some people will say that this is scare-mongering, that it's too far-fetched, and that there will be plenty of controls and checks to prevent this... but before Tony Bland, it was unthinkable to deliberately starve a person to death.

The Downside of Owning a Cat

Further to yesterday's post, I have decided that there is one thing worse than treading on a dead mouse first thing in the morning...

...and that is finding the deceased rodent on one's duvet !

Of Mice and Men

Oh dear! I was chatting about my cat to a friend this afternoon, and made the comment that Sylvester was too old and fat to succeed in catching anything other than the bowl of catfood I give him.

Obviously he heard me... this evening I was presented with my very own mouse, and it wasn't even chewed yet. Sylvester obviously felt that I ought to be given lessons in mouse-hunting, because the rodent was still alive, though petrified into immobility. Every few seconds Sylvester would bat the mouse with his paw until it moved, and then put his paw firmly on the mouse's tail to stop it getting away.

Working on the theory that eventually the mouse would make a break for it, and its little mouse-corpse would stink the flat out from behind the fridge, I retrieved the rodent and threw it back out into the garden. Hopefully it's a one-off.

Unfortunately last year Sylvester made a habit of bringing me little presents (although it was earlier in the year, which is why I thought I'd escaped - and so had the mice) many of which were partially chewed. This isn't so bad when you first get given them, but is rather less than pleasant when you wake up in the morning and step in the remains of one which you had been presented with when asleep!

The worst moment was when I rescued one mouse which was being used as a demo. I retrieved it from under Sylvester's paw, but then it bit me before I could pick it up by the tail (mice seem to have a reflex which makes them "freeze" if you pick them up by the tail; I think their mothers carry them like this. Rats on the other hand do not have this reflex, and have been known to shed their tail casings)

So I have to wait and see whether we now have declared open season on mice...

Quiz Time

I spotted the following Quiz to estimate your theological world view courtesy of Dilexit Prior over at Letters from a Young Catholic. Great fun... I was also relieved to see that I am "officially" classed as Catholic!!





You scored as Roman Catholic. You are Roman Catholic. Church tradition and ecclesial authority are hugely important, and the most important part of worship for you is mass. As the Mother of God, Mary is important in your theology, and as the communion of saints includes the living and the dead, you can also ask the saints to intercede for you.

Roman Catholic		100%
Neo orthodox		79%
Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan		68%
Charismatic/Pentecostal		29%
Fundamentalist		25%
Classical Liberal		25%
Reformed Evangelical		18%
Emergent/Postmodern		11%
Modern Liberal		4%

What's your theological worldview?
created with QuizFarm.com

Faith Summer Session Video Update

As promised on my earlier post, Fr. Tim has produced a video showing highlights of the 2006 Summer Session.

Check it out here.

Recharging the Batteries

I'm just back from five days away at the Faith Summer Session, held at Woldingham School in Surrey.

It is incredibly refreshing, especially in the midst of mainly negative press about the state of the Church, to attend a conference about our Catholic faith, and to see that the majority of those present are young, enthusiastic about the practice of their faith and eager to learn more about it. There were well over 200 people present, and being in my late 30s I was actually one of the oldest!

It was also incredibly heartening to see more than 30 priests (mostly young, and all enthusiastic!) concelebrating Mass each day. Morning and Night Prayer from the Divine Office, daily Mass, Exposition of the Blessed Sacrament and Benediction, and the opportunity on one evening to receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation (an opportunity taken by the vast majority of those present) provided the spiritual sustenance often lacking in our everyday lives. Outside the actual talks, it was also encouraging to see a steady movement of people to and from the chapel, taking a few moments to spend with our Lord.

The talks were very instructive - from the proofs of God's existence to the centrality of the Church in God's plan of salvation. A seminar provided more personal accounts of how important the Church is for us. And Fr. Paul Watson, the Director of the Maryvale Institute in Birmingham, gave an excellent talk on the parables of Jesus.

The social side of our human nature was catered for as well... there were plenty of opportunities for spiritual refreshment in the bar, and one night was dedicated to a Quiz Night while a ceilidh formed the basis for another night's entertainment.

One of the final events was a video overview of the Session as seen by Fr. Tim Finigan (ever since he started blogging, nowhere is safe from his camera... it's bound to hit his blog soon so check it out at the Hermeneutic of Continuity)

After such a spiritually uplifting time away it can be hard to return to "real" life... I guess I shall just have to make sure I get to the Winter Conference at Stonyhurst for another recharging of the batteries.

Book Meme

Ok, I've been introduced to the idea of "memes" because Fr. Tim over at the Hermeneutic of Continuity challenged me to complete the book meme by tagging me. It's actually harder to restrict myself to one book for each category than I first thought, but here goes:

1. One book that changed your life.
Cecily Hallack: The Adventure of the Amethyst (Children's book written in the 1940s about four children who become Catholic... I read it the night I experienced my Damascus Road conversion !)

2. One book that you've read more than once.
Robert Graves: I, Claudius

3. One book that you'd want on a desert island.
Divine Office (complete set !)

4. One book that made you laugh.
C.S. Lewis: The Screwtape Letters

5. One book that made you cry.
J.R.R. Tolkien: The Lord of the Rings

6. One book that you wish had been written.
St. Anne Line: Hospitality and Household Management

7. One book that you wish had never been written.
Fr. James Hanvey & Fr. Tony Carroll: On the Way to Life (one of the most turgid pieces of writing I have ever had the misfortune to encounter)

8. One book that you're currently reading.
St. Alphonsus Liguori: The Glories of Mary

9. One book you've been meaning to read.
Eamon Duffy: The Stripping of the Altars (started but never finished)

I'm going to have to consider my tag carefully...


UPDATE: I think I'll try and tag Thomas and Fr. Stephanos... though I suspect they've already been tagged!

Martha in the Soup...

Today being the feast of St. Martha (yes, I know it's technically only a memorial) I was able to reflect on today's Gospel where she gets a ticking off from our Lord.

I always feel a sneaking sympathy with Martha here: if she'd followed Mary's example, I suspect that dinner would not have made itself!

Benedict on Toast

My computer has been acting up over the past week (obviously it's having a holiday), and combined with my own manic schedule, this meant that I hadn't had much of a chance to browse many blogs. I'm now attempting to make up for it, and I came across the following little snippet from Fr. Stephanos showing the latest miracle apparition: the Holy Father on toast.

Even funnier was the picture supposedly showing Pope Benedict's response!

Car Trouble

Finding a good garage can be a challenge, especially if you are a blonde woman without a husband, boyfriend, brother or father in tow. It doesn't matter if the aforementioned male knows diddly-squat about cars and the blonde is a rocket scientist, but mechanics will always assume that the man is a fellow car-enthusiast, and they are less likely to try and pull the wool over a woman's eyes when explaining what exactly is wrong with the car if there is a man in the vicinity.

Just before my last car did somersaults on the motorway last December, it failed its MOT inspection. Apparently it didn't have rear fog lights - it was an import from a country which presumably didn't experience fog, but I didn't discover this until it failed the MOT. After being given the runaround by the franchise garage (the garage which sold me the car three years before having gone into receivership) I decided to try my luck with one in Welling.

The mechanics could have taken me to the cleaners: I know little about cars (there are 4 wheels on the outside, one in the boot and one to hold on to when going round corners) and even less about electrical wiring of fog lights, but they told me that the wiring was actually all in place, just not connected up, and so I only needed to get a red bulb to convert one of the reversing lights rather than having to invest in a new bumper... or even a new car!

So, when my next car was due for its service, I returned to the same garage. Unfortunately, after the service, the occasional quiet grindy-type noise which I'd detected a couple of times became rather less quiet and much less occasional. So back I went. I went with someone for a test drive ("my car is making a grindy noise" not being the most technical of descriptions) and was told that it was probably a heat shield on the exhaust which was vibrating, and it had probably been knocked out of place further by the service.

So, the offending part was knocked back into place. I drove off happily. And then turned round and drove back, because the noise had reappeared.

This time it was decided that brackets were needed to fix the offending item to the underside of the car. I think it was something to do with the exhaust. Or maybe the cat. My look of blank incomprehension must have convinced the garage owner of the futility of explaining further. After an hour, I was assured that all was well, the problem had been sorted and I was free to go.

I drove off happily in the direction of Sidcup to pick up a friend who had volunteered to help me spring clean (she must be barking, but she says she enjoys housework, and who am I to deprive her of her simple pleasures!) By the time I reached the station, I realised that all was not well, the problem hadn't been sorted and I drove back to the garage.

Finally they figured it out. I don't quite understand what the problem was, but the noise has stopped, so it's fixed now!

Hair-Raising Experiences

For most teachers, the start of the summer holiday signals either total collapse or a period of frantic activity. For me, the latter was the case, as I'm finishing at one school and preparing to start at another.

This week I've started spring-cleaning my flat (yes, very overdue), and have been rushing around trying to get various essential jobs completed before the inevitable onset of summer inertia. One such job was getting my car serviced. Having left my car with a garage in Welling, I then had a couple of hours to kill...

...so, rather than trying to find my way home by bus and getting on with housework, I decided to treat myself to a new hairdo. I'm a natural blonde, but my hair is a dark honey shade and I prefer ash. The dye also dries my hair out a bit, so it's less greasy. Generally I do it myself, but occasionally it helps to go to the hairdresser to strip off the build-up of colour.

I hadn't been to the salon in Welling before, but I explained what I wanted, and the stylist gave me her advice as to which colour would suit me. I chose a dark ash, close to my usual, but she persuaded me to go a shade lighter, explaining that she'd start with a bleach wash to remove some of the honey tones.

While the dye was developing, I commented that it seemed rather too light: my concerns were explained away as the white creamy chemicals disguising the true colour. I had my doubts, but decided that I was being paranoid. As the hairdresser washed the preparation out of my hair, I suddenly detected a harsh chemical smell which didn't correspond to anything I'd ever used before. She told me that the Ash colour hadn't quite "taken" and so she was using a toner to modify the colour somewhat...

The toner didn't quite work... my hair was by now custard yellow! I also had to go back and collect my car before the garage closed. Luckily the hairdresser was as unhappy with the result as I was: she told me to go and get the car, and then she'd try adding another colour to correct the mistake. The colour she thought would do the trick? You guessed it: it was the one I'd picked out first of all.

Fortunately it worked. My hair is now a fetching dark ash blonde rather than custard yellow, but it was a close call, and it took over three hours in the salon to achieve what normally takes me 45 minutes.

...I was going to quote something from Ecclesiastes on vanity, but unfortunately the NJB translates it as "futility" which doesn't quite work as well... but you get the general idea!

Thirty Pieces of Silver

Problem: the number of people who actually make the effort to attend the holy Sacrifice of the Mass on a Holyday of Obligation is falling.

Solution: remove the sense of "obligation" by transferring the days to Sunday, when people are going to be attending Mass anyway.

Next Problem: the number of people who actually make the effort to attend the holy Sacrifice of the Mass to fulfil their Sunday obligation is falling.

Solution? remove the sense of "obligation" by making Sunday Mass optional?

Hey, brilliant idea! After all, there isn't such a big thing about attending Mass (sorry, Communion Service) in the Anglican Church, and they don't seem to have any problem with falling attendance...

...and heaven forbid that religion should be demanding... after all, Islam actually is unreasonable enough to demand that its adherents stop for prayers FIVE times, EVERY DAY... and the number of people who'll actually put up with that sort of unreasonable requirement has got to be falling, right?

In England particularly it should be remembered that the martyrs gave their lives for the Mass. We're too constrained by the demands of secular society to give 45 minutes. I do so long to be faithful to the Magisterium, but when the Bishops just roll over in the face of modern secularism instead of standing firm and preaching the truth, I get the feeling that Christ is being sold for thirty shekels all over again.

Girl Power?

I get very frustrated when people start to tell me that there aren't enough women in positions of power in the Church (by which they usually mean that there should be women priests running the parishes). For a start, this completely misses the point about priesthood, which is nothing to do with "power" and everything to do with self-sacrifice...

So I was delighted to come across the following quote from Madeleine Albright, former U.S. Secretary of State, on women in leadership:

"I'm not a person who thinks the world would be entirely different if it was run by women. If you think that, you've forgotten what high-school was like."

Thanks to Fr. Stephanos for highlighting that one.

Holidays !

I noticed that my posting on this blog has been more than a little sporadic. Luckily for me, school is now out for the Summer. This means that I shall have plenty of time to sit in front of my computer and divulge all my personal musings...

Yeah, right! In reality, past experience has taught me that two things are possible: The first is that I shall be so busy visiting friends and catching up on sleep (sometimes simultaneously) that I won't have time to sit in front of the computer. The second is that I shall have plenty of time, but nothing worth writing about...

...ask me again in six weeks!

Baby Update

A short while back I asked for prayers for my sister who is expecting her first child.

Martina is still losing quite a bit of blood, and the hospital are not entirely sure why. The latest theory is that there is some sort of haematoma in amongst the mesh of blood vessels which connect mother and baby...

It's a case of "wait and see" - the baby is active and there's a strong heartbeat, but sometimes the haematoma can make the mesh of vessels tear away, and that can cause a miscarriage.

Martina and her husband have nicknamed the baby "Barney" (Barney Rubble: trouble) - any prayers would be much appreciated, and I'll keep posting updates as things progress.

A "class"-ical education?

I was flicking through the TES (an British paper devoted to educational matters) in the staffroom at breaktime, when I spotted a cartoon which made me laugh out loud. It was at the bottom of an item on how teachers judge the social class of parents at parents' evenings. The picture wasn't that good, but the caption was priceless:

One teacher to another about a young mother: "It's difficult to place her socially: she's got a tattoo on her bum... but it's in Latin!"

DIY Liturgy Kit

While checking out the Hermeneutic of Continuity's posts on the Worldwide Blessing Generator and health warnings on cigarette packets to frighten Traditionalists, I was inspired to try my hand at marketing the DIY Liturgy Kit.

The kit will be available shortly at all outlets which currently market aromatherapy candles, crystals, and books on Enneagrams....

It will consist of three candles, an assortment of pebbles (various shapes and sizes), a length of cotton material with hand-painted decorative symbols (tie-dyed cotton is also available), a CD of whale song and a box of tissues. I might also include an optional extra of a CD of pan-pipe music (it is notoriously difficult to choreograph liturgical dance to whale song)

I anticipate brisk trading...

UPDATE
I forgot to include a tambourine. And a water feature.

Blonde Joke

As a natural blonde myself, I find "blonde" jokes rather amusing. Along with Dolly Parton, I know they're not true (apparently she also knew she wasn't blonde!)

So, for the office party, a bunch of blondes and brunettes decide to hire a double-decker bus to go on a tour of London. The blondes end up on the top deck, while the brunettes stay below.

The brunettes are having a whale of a time, and the party spirit is flowing freely. Then, someone notices that things are surprisingly quiet up top, and there's not so much as a squeak from the normally bubbly blonde contingent.

One of the brunettes is dispatched upstairs to check it out. On arrival, she finds all the blondes sitting frozen in their seats, absolute terror etched on every face. "What's the matter?" asks the brunette, "why aren't you having fun? We're really enjoying this!"

"It's ok for you lot downstairs," retorts one of the petrified blondes, "you've got a driver..."

A Little Liturgical Interlude

Ok. Time to see how many of you out there are paying attention.

I've been responsible for sorting out the prayer sheets for the Faith Summer Session for several years now. However, this year (just to keep me on my toes) we're actually into the first week of August rather than the last week of July or the second week of August. So we don't get to celebrate the Transfiguration, or the Feasts of St Teresa Benedicta and St Laurence (which means I have to sort out the psalms, as we can't just use the ones for the Sunday!!)

We do get to celebrate St Alphonsus Mary de Liguori on the Tuesday and St John Mary Vianney (aka the Cure d'Ars) on the Friday. We don't have morning prayer on Monday, but Mass will be St Ignatius Loyola. The Thursday is a feria. So far, so straightforward - I just have a bit of typing to do.

The problem is actually Wednesday 2nd August. It's an Optional Memorial, and there's a choice. Should I go for St Eusebius of Vercelli (safely in my Breviary, no tricky decisions) or for St Peter Julian Eymard (who's been added to the Universal Calendar according to my Directory, but all I know is that he was a priest)...

...or I could be really naughty and decide to plump for St. Mary of the Angels who gets a mention in the Directory in brackets. This means that the feast is either liturgically impeded or of diocesan interest... probably the former!

So, any comments?

Ain't technology great?

Modern technology has certainly come on quite a bit in the past few years. I was talking to my sister earlier, and she told me about all the scans and tests she's had because of the problems she's having with bleeding.

She's in her thirteenth week, and should be in the "safe" zone, as far as any pregnancy can be considered safe, but the bleeding can't be explained by any of the doctors. She was a little scathing about a medical student who couldn't locate her cervix (I mean, how difficult can it be to find the end of what is effectively a cul-de-sac??) which wasn't exactly reassurring.

Anyway, I asked if she had any pictures from the scans. "Oh no," was the offhand reply, "but we got the DVD"

No doubt it's titled "Womb with a View"...

Feeling sorry for myself...

...Of course, I have no right to feel sorry for myself. There are lots of people who are much worse off than me. Or so I keep telling myself.

The problem is, it isn't easy to believe this when your head is throbbing from a point just inside your lower jaw! Yes, I have toothache. I have spent the last two days curled up on my sofa under the duvet (yes, I did say "under" - I have a very cold flat) with my head on a hot water bottle. I wouldn't mind, but there's nothing on TV (watching tennis ranks, in my humble opinion, somewhere below watching paint dry for entertainment value) and I the pain means I can't focus properly, so reading isn't much of an option. Eating, one of my other favourite occupations, is also not on the menu, for fairly obvious reasons.

I know it's self-inflicted. I should have gone to the dentist as soon as the filling fell out. But, it didn't hurt then. And I am frankly so terrified of dentists that I have to be in real pain before I can bear to cross the threshold of a dental surgery. It's stupid, it's irrational. But it's real. I am reduced to a howling, shaking lump. Once, I was so frightened that I clamped my jaw shut as a sort of reflex. Unfortunately the dentist's fingers were inside my mouth at the time. He wasn't happy.

The irrational part comes in when I consider that I've had bits of my body cauterised, biopsied, stitched and cut out, and I've demanded to watch. I react badly to general anaesthesia, and so I've had my tibia sawn open and screwed back in a different position while cracking jokes with the anaesthetist and the surgeon (not sensible behaviour when the latter is wielding what looks like a Black and Decker with a little fancy attachment on it!) But the minute I sit in a dentist's chair, I want to start screaming. And that's just for the initial examination...

The upshot of all this is that I left the hole in my tooth until I got an infection. And the pain got bad. The downside is that now no self-respecting dentist will go anywhere near the offending tooth until the infection has cleared up.... and by then, it might just have stopped hurting....

An early birthday present

Today started off badly, but rapidly improved. And now, I think I can say that it's finished on a real high note. My sister phoned: she'd been travelling round the world with her husband since Christmas, but had come home early.

The reason for cutting short her tour: she's expecting her first child! So, if all goes well, some time in the New Year I will be an "Auntie" My mother then admonished me to behave like a real auntie, and not like her sister. I was forced to point out that her sister was only 7 years older than me, so it was hardly her fault if she didn't behave in a very "aunt-like" fashion... and being in a different country also puts a bit of a crimp in aunt-visitations.

There is just one little cloud: my sister has been experiencing some complications and bleeding, so as the "church-goer" I've been assigned the task of getting some serious praying done. Working on the principle that you can never have too many prayers said for you, I'll ask for as many as possible.

O great Saint Gerard, beloved servant of Jesus Christ, perfect imitator of your meek and humble Saviour, and devoted child of the Mother of God, enkindle within my heart one spark of that heavenly fire of charity which glowed in your heart and made you an angel of love.
O glorious Saint Gerard, because when falsely accused of crime, you did bear, like your Divine Master, without murmur or complaint, the calumnies of wicked men, you have been raised up by God as the patron and protector of expectant mothers.
Preserve them from danger and from the excessive pains accompanying childbirth, and shield the children which they now carry, that they may see the light of day and receive the purifying and life-giving waters of baptism through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Amen.

Catechesis

I've been asked by my Parish Priest to help prepare a couple of boys for their First Holy Communion. I think the usual suspect was too busy, or was able to think on her feet a little more quickly than me: I was nabbed after evening Mass just over a week ago, and my mouth said "yes" before my brain kicked in.

The first session was to have been last Tuesday: on hearing that there was some sort of football event on, I decided that it might not be the best time to dicuss the finer points of our Faith. So this evening I waited for the two boys to arrive for our first class.

We started off in the church, with me trying to find out how much they knew already: I taught them how to genuflect and then we looked at a statue - after a heated debate between them as to how it couldn't be Jesus' dad because he was God and there weren't any statues of him, we found the shamrock and succesfully identified St Patrick. I intervened briefly to prevent any actual bloodshed...

We then spent some time in the Sacristy learning how to make the Sign of the Cross with reverence; this led to some interesting questions on the nature of the Trinity. Finally the elder brother appeared to have cracked it. "It's like that CD" (he did mention the name of the singer, but I didn't quite catch it) "you know... you open up the box, and there are three CDs inside..." Not quite the accepted theological terminology, but I've heard a lot worse!

We also amused ourselves by looking at vestments and the sacred vessels used for Mass: being an assistant sacristan has its advantages. The gold cope attracted most attention, especially when they got to hold it: "wow, it's well heavy!" There was also much speculation as to how much all those things must have cost. I think the greatest compliment came at the end: when I announced that the lesson was over, the boys were shocked - the time had gone so quickly. I just hope next week doesn't clash with the football!

One of those days...

When I woke up this morning, I had a feeling it was going to be one of those days...

Sure enough, everything seemed to conspire against me: tights, contact lenses, traffic... To make matters worse, I just couldn't seem to settle down to any of the (boring) paperwork sitting on my desk.

We have a custom at my school: whenever anyone has a birthday (or other significant celebration) that person provides chocolates, doughnuts, cakes or some little treat for the rest of the staffroom. Occasionally someone will just go for it because there is the consensus that we need cheering up. Tomorrow is my birthday, and because I wasn't in the mood to shuffle paper (Year 13 have left, so I have a little free time) I started to discuss the relative merits of chocolates vs. doughnuts as a birthday staffroom treat with another teacher.

We came to the conclusion that supermarket doughnuts just don't cut the mustard. Fresh, hot Krispy Kreme donuts, on the other hand, were the business. Unfortunately, I opined, Krispy Kreme at Bluewater don't open before we start school. Buying doughnuts the night before was fraught with difficulties, assuming that they survived the journey home (unlikely) but tomorrow is a full teaching day for me, and there wouldn't be any opportunities for scooting out in search of fresh doughnuts... I resigned myself to the idea of a large box of Celebrations.

Then, an astonishing insight hit me. I could celebrate my birthday a day early and drive down to Bluewater in my Year 13 lesson...

...I shall draw a discreet veil over the details of who had how many and what variety. Such a shame that birthdays only happen once a year!

Dancing Priests

Fr. Nicholas of Roman Miscellany put up this post about Fr. Saju George, the Dancing Jesuit.

Looking at the picture, I can't help wondering if Fr. Saju has taken the idea of rejecting clerical attire a little too far: I would never go so far as to say that a priest should always wear a cassock, or even a clerical shirt and collar, but I don't really want to be confronted with hairy chests and bare nipples at Mass...

...and then there is the question as to whether it is really appropriate to have anyone perform a dance more usually associated with Hindu temple prostitution as a Gospel meditation or thanksgiving after Communion.

The Need for Fertility Treatment?

Listening to the radio this morning (I really shouldn't... it's invariably bad for my blood pressure) I was interested to hear that there is a population crisis in Europe: apparently not enough babies are being born, and this will result in an increasingly aging population being supported by a decreasing number of young workers.

Nothing new here. The bit that really had me gasping for breath was the proposed solution. Some mastermind suggested that if fertility treatment was offered to couples for free, the increased birth-rate would solve all the problems... and incidentally, the increased tax revenue would actually cover the cost of the treatment...

...I've had a blinder of an idea! How about we stop killing little babies in the hundreds of abortions that happen in Europe, and encourage infertile couples to adopt instead? We save the money from the surgical and pharmacological abortions, we save the money from the post-abortion counselling, we don't need to splash out any dosh for the fertility treatment AND we get the increased tax revenue from all those extra working people in a couple of decades.

...it's not exactly rocket science, is it?

Happy Father's Day

Today is Father's Day in the UK. Unlike Mothering Sunday, which is a Church Feast Day, Father's Day is a piece of shameless commercialism aimed at increasing sales of beer, aftershave, chocolate (well, I suppose men like chocolate too... there's certainly lots of it on sale in Supermarkets with "Don't Forget Father's Day" plastered all over the shelves) and greetings cards.

I don't really have a problem with this sort of thing... though I draw the line at celebrating "Grandparents' Day". But it did occur to me that it would be a great day to say a "thank you" to our priests - our spiritual fathers.

I don't think we say "thank you" to them often enough, and we also take them for granted. This was brought home to me when I helped to start up a demonstration at the Chrism Mass at St. George's Cathedral, Southwark. It was quite a simple idea - a group of women from the diocese who wanted to show their loyalty to the Magisterium and their appreciation for everything that our priests do for the Church. As we handed out little prayer cards, one priest was almost in tears as he said that no-one had ever thanked him for being a priest before.

It's important. I have been privileged to meet many, many good and holy priests since my return to the Church. These dedicated, prayerful and hard-working men give up their lives for God and the Church - that's us. Without their self-sacrifice, there would be no Sacraments, no Church.

The prayer cards we gave out at last year's Chrism Mass had a quote from Pope John Paul II:

"The priest is someone who, despite the passing of years, continues to radiate youthfulness, spreading it almost contagiously among those he meets along the way. His secret lies in his passion for Christ...

"If he is able to offer himself as a gift, placing himself at the service
of anyone in need, his life takes on its true meaning."

(Maundy Thursday, March 2005)

So take the opportunity to wish your Parish Priest (and/or Curate) a Happy Father's Day.

What About the Office?

What I really want to know is this: now there will be a new translation of the Missal, what about the Divine Office?

As I said in my last post, I don't actually speak Latin. The collects for saints days and seasonal propers are slightly different from the ones used at the Mass (of the relevant day) but similar enough for me to assume that they're actually translations of the same Latin prayer, and the phrasing is more elegant, so it's probably a better translation...

...the reason I need to know if a new translation is likely is purely and simply a financial one. The Divine Office is in 3 volumes. Each volume is about £50. My copies are about 13 years old, and because liturgical books and bibles always seem to be very badly bound, they are falling to bits. It's a bit distracting in prayer when your book suddenly disintegrates in your hands, and I'm easily distracted at the best of times! So I need to think about getting new copies...

...but £150 or thereabouts is rather a lot to spend if the whole thing is due for a re-vamp in the next year or so...

Any thoughts?

New Translations

There is an air of barely supressed excitement on the blogs and in the Catholic Press...

...well, ok, I'm exaggerating a little. Fine... I'm exaggerating a lot. But even I have noticed that rather a lot of people have made references to a new English translation of the Mass. And the upshot of it all seems to be that we shall soon be learning new versions of the prayers said at Mass. Or rather, we shall be learning the correct versions of the prayers said at Mass. About time too...

...Some time ago I managed to get my paws on an old Missal, and being the sort of person who reads instruction booklets, I settled down to have a good look at it. It has the Latin in one column, and the English in the next. Now, I don't actually know any Latin, but from attending the odd Mass at Westminster Cathedral, and from singing, I have gradually come to recognise the main prayers of the Mass: Confiteor, Gloria, Sanctus, etc. etc. So you can imagine my surprise when, finding the "familiar" Latin prayers, I noticed that the English translations were so very different from the phrases I was used to trotting out at church.

Take the Confiteor: the bit which I know simply as

"I have sinned through my own fault,
in my thoughts and in my words,
in what I have done, and in what I have failed to do"

is actually translated in my old missal as:

"I have sinned exceedingly
in thought, word and deed,
through my fault, through my fault,
through my most grievous fault"

Although this isn't a particularly good example, it still demonstrates that the translations we have been expected to use up until now have a real paucity of expression. Even allowing for the fact that the English language has changed over the past 50 years, I get the distinct impression that somewhere along the line we've been short-changed...

Photo Album

I finally managed to get my photos from Lourdes uploaded from my mobile phone (I don't have a digital camera)...

This is slightly more difficult than it might at first appear: my home computer was chucked out by Noah when he built the ark. It doesn't have the socket thingy (my use of technical terminology is somewhat limited... I blame the fact on my blonde hair) for sticking the phone's connection doobrey-whatsit into.

So, I have to upload the photos onto my school laptop. School computers are notoriously temperamental, and rarely up-to-date, so this is a major undertaking. However, I finally got the thing to work, more by luck than judgement.

The next step was to email the photos home - the school has a filter system which means I can't blog. I can't even look at a blog. On reflection, this is probably just as well...

Once the emails arrived, I downloaded the photos, and uploaded them onto the blog. Success! All of this is, of course, to explain why I didn't put the photos up when I got back from Lourdes just over a week ago!!

The first photo here actually is a little dark - it looked better on the phone. It is the spring uncovered by St. Bernadette when Our Lady appeared to her in the grotto at Massabielle. It's covered with glass or perspex, and the water is now piped to the baths and the drinking fountains. But there is something very moving about walking into the cave...





The mosaics inside the Rosary Basilica are really spectacular. The first time I saw the main mosaic of Our Lady, I found it very unsettling... it's partly the way she looms over you, and partly because the face is so very child-like. Once you remember that St. Bernadette described her as a girl of about 14 years old, it actually makes more sense. And now, I am very attached to this image.

This photo of the main basilicas taken from the esplanade shows how lucky we were with the weather... and no, I promise I haven't touched up the photos in any way!











Here's a photo of the grotto itself, showing the niche where Our Lady appeared to St. Bernadette. I think I took this one from the position of the plaque on the ground showing where St. Bernadette was kneeling, but I can't quite remember... next time I shall be more careful about labelling my photos!

And finally, a shot of the Domaine area taken from the benches by the Forum Information.

As you can see, I haven't quite got the hang of how to position my photos in an interesting and varied way... I shall have to work on it! But I'm rather pleased with my dinky little mobile phone!

Persecution Complex ?

It's not that I'm paranoid, but...

I'm beginning to think that Blogger has it in for me. I think it senses that I know absolutely nothing about the codes used to create the blog, and it's decided to teach me a lesson. For some reason, when I try and look at the blog, the margin, with all my links and profile and everything appears to have disappeared.

I found it eventually, lurking with intent at the bottom of my blog, after all my posts... but it's not actually much use down there. My problem is that I don't know what I've done to make it go into hiding, or how to entice it back to its proper location. Even more confusing, I've been told that it appears completely normal by another blogger.

So it must be me... Blogger is out to get me....