Friday, 1 January 2010

The Seventh Day of Christmas...

Customer Relations Department
Ye Olde True Love Gift Shoppe
Santa's Grotto, North Pole

Dear Sir,

Seven swans a-swimming? Are you outta your mind? Don't you realise that those birds can break a man's arm? I mean, swans are not cuddly little feather dusters... Quite apart from the fact that all swans are the property of the Crown...

And how, pray, did you plan for us to deliver the water? One litre of water weighs 1 kg... that's one hell of a lot of stamps to lick.

With all due respect, I don't think you really thought through the implications. If you wish to amend your order, we will be happy to oblige.

Yours faithfully,
Mr. E. Guest.


Dominic Mary said...

Dear Mr Guest;

I'm afraid you appear to be raising gratuitous difficulties.

First, as I am a long-standing member of the Worshipful Company of Vintners there should be no problem about availability of swans.

Secondly, I live close to the Thames, and will be happy to have the swans sent by river - which thereby provides the necessary water at no cost to yourselves.

Finally, might I point out that there must be a question about Trade Descriptions here. Your store maintains that it can provide anything : but if you have so much difficulty with something as traditional as these swans, I am not sure how credible your claim is.

Yours &c.

Mulier Fortis said...

??? I thought vintners were into wine... where do swans come in?


Dominic Mary said...

Certainly Vintners are into wine : but they, with the Dyers, are also permitted to own Swans on the Thames (and S. John's College, Cambridge are allowed to own some on the Cam, I understand).

See for further details.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...