It's All That Pope's Fault...!

I do get soooooo tired of all that "HIV/AIDS is increasing because the Catholic Church won't allow condoms" malarkey.

It is, after all, obvious to anyone with half a brain cell, that people who openly flout Church teaching on sex and marriage are going to be so very concerned about the Church's ban on condom use. Not.

Someone will, no doubt, trot out the excuse that it's the innocent wives, who get infected by their errant husbands, who need condoms. I doubt very much that the innocent wives get offered the option of condom use anyway, and if hubby is so careless of his wife's health that he's sleeping around, then he's hardly going to worry about a little thing like infecting her with a killer disease...

...because, knowing that condoms are not a guaranteed protection against HIV/AIDS, to sleep with her at all is to play Russian Roulette with her life.

Anyhow, the Curt Jester has a brilliant commentary on the statistical evidence that abstinence works and condoms don't, while Ma Beck has a very, very amusing rant along the lines of obedience to Church teaching. Check them out.

Online Petition

I mentioned a programme on abortion which was to be shown on Channel 4: Dispatches. I didn't get to see it as I was totally shattered, and I don't have a video recorder. Someone put a link to part of the programme in the combox, and I'm embedding it here... It isn't for the squeamish!



Anyway, now there's a petition to Gordon Brown asking for the time-limit on abortion to be brought down from 24 weeks to 16 weeks, in line with other European countries. I've signed, but I'm not entirely convinced that this is the best way to go... my fear is that, in order to gain agreement on the lower limit, political campaigners will agree to lifting the current requirement for a second doctor's signature, effectively ensuring abortion "on demand." I know it is, to all intents and purposes, effectively guaranteed anyway, but I feel it is important that the law is there. Maybe I'm wrong on this one. Comments gratefully received...

The petition can be found HERE.

Just A Blonde Having Fun...

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from Heathrow to New York. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap. Politely she declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.

He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vice versa."

Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, very persistent, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00." This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer.

"Okay," says the lawyer," your turn." She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. No answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress. No answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500.00.

The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

Big Brother Has Big Connexions...

Being a teacher, I had heard about "Connexions" a while back with reference to Careers advice in secondary schools. I have little time for "careers advice" as it generally bears little relation, in my opinion, to the abilities and aptitudes of the students I have come across. The number of students who seemed to think they could become doctors when they would, in reality, be lucky to scrape 5 GCSEs, always left me speechless, for example. And I never heard any of the brighter pupils being encouraged to think of Oxbridge applications.

Then, a friend with teenage children told me some of the stuff that Connexions wanted to know: the child's mobile phone number being the most worrying. They also seemed to be gearing up to offer "healthcare" advice, which, as we all know, is a convenient euphemism for contraceptive advice, abortion services and STD checks. Then I changed jobs, and went to a Sixth Form College: the Connexions advisor came in, and seemed very keen to get the teenagers to visit the Connextions centre in the High Street, with emphasis on the fact that it was all confidential. Students were also told that, if they preferred, any meetings could be arranged in a local coffee shop or fast food outlet of their choice.

I doubt that parents were being told of the arrangements being made to meet with their children...

Now I read that the WhiteStone Name Seeker has run into the Connexions posse: only this time they have taken the liberty of "following up" the progress of her 16-year-old son by calling at his home and demanding information. Apparently the government "requires" it.

Orwell didn't know how right he was...

How To Really Mess Up Your Day...

I have no idea where this is. I am relieved to note that it must be somewhere on the other side of the pond (I spotted the Stars & Stripes) but I hope to goodness that we never get it happening here.

What the woman thinks she's doing with the scallop shell is anyone's guess...


Twitch of the mantilla to Gillibrand at Catholic Church Conservation.

UPDATE: A few people seem to have gotten the wrong end of the stick... the woman appears to be acting as some sort of "stealth priestess" here, as is shown in one or two of the other photos, which, to avoid further confusion, I will post below... I was hoping to avoid doing so, because I wanted to retain my dinner, but...

Bloggers Choice Awards

Ok, I'm done with being modest and reticent... I did that last year and it didn't get me anywhere. The Bloggers' Choice Awards 2008 are up and running. You can vote for the big hitters, such as the excellent Fr. Zuhlsdorf, and the British Catholic Blogmeister, Fr. Tim, but you can vote for me as well...

So far I'm on Page 60 because I haven't got any votes, and my blog name begins with "M" !!

Ma's Music Meme

Ok, Ma Beck tagged anyone who has prayed the Rosary in the past week... which means I'm "it"... especially as I'm short on profound thoughts (hence the ham bush!)

What song is in your head?

Requiem for Evita - the opening (and closing) refrains from Evita - the original cast recording with Elaine Paige and David Essex, I hasten to add, not the rather poor imitation mangled by Madonna. The opening lines (after "Requiem aeternum") are actually the words to the Salve Regina. Quite catchy!

What is the newest album in your collection?

"Newest" as in "most recently acquired" or "newest" as in most recently published? Because if it's the former, then Annie Lennox's Diva (I had the album on cassette for years, but finally got round to getting the CD last month); most recently published, Schola Cantamus Plainsong for Parishes.

What is the top album on your wish list?

Don't have one. I'm more of an impulse music buyer... and a very infrequent one at that.

What is the most recent live music event you have attended?

Hmmmn. Does a Christmas carol concert count? Actually, I did attend a parish music evening back in August where some young people played various instruments and sang. They were pretty good, so I guess that counts as "live music."

What is the top live music event on your wish list?

Again, I don't really have a live music wish list... though it would be great to hear Leutgeb play her new viola...

What are the top three albums currently in rotation at your house?

The music from Evita (original cast recording as explained earlier), Abba's Voulez Vous and Annie Lennox's Diva.

Ok, I'm going to tag Mark (because he's suffering winter blues and needs distracting), Fr. Justin (because he's been awfully quiet of late), Fr. Paul (so that he doesn't feel lonely now he's back in the Lune Valley) and Leutgeb (as she's a musician, her answers should be worth reading.)

Time For Another Joke...

Two Mexicans were in the desert. They had been lost for days, and were on their last legs. Suddenly Pepe stopped short and sniffed.

"Hey, José, do you smell sometheeng?"

"Si, Pepe... what do you theenk eet ees?"

"I don't know, José... let's go look..."

The two of them crawl over the next sand dune. There up ahead is a large tree with different cuts of meat hanging off the branches. There is gammon, back bacon, rashers of streaky bacon and Pepe points excitedly: "There!" he says, "José, we are saved... over there is a bacon tree!"

José cautions his friend: "Pepe, we are in the desert. How do you know thees ees not a meerage?"

Pepe pats José on the shoulder. "My friend, when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smelt so good... I tell you, we are saved!"

He crawled rapidly towards the tree. Suddenly, a barrage of gunfire breaks out, and Pepe collapses. With his last breath, he attempts to warn his friend...

"José, my friend... do not come any closer... you was right...! Thees ees not a bacon tree..."

"Pepe, Pepe!" José shouted, "What ees eet?"

"José, ees not a bacon tree... ees a ham bush!"

The "If I Were Cardinal" Meme...

Heheheheh... the campaign to get Fr. Ray Blake a red hat in Westminster has really taken off, and is providing no little amusement for all concerned. However, Fr. Ray also managed to get his revenge by starting a new meme: If I were Cardinal Archbishop of Westminster I would...

Fr. Ray challenged me. I protested that I was exempt, as there was no way a woman could be a priest, let alone a Cardinal Archbishop. Ha!

My triumph was short-lived: Fr. Ray told me to imagine that I was the power behind the throne, a trusted advisor. My comment that this was the problem in the first place (too many wimmins' libbers putting the boot in) fell on deaf ears.

So, in order to avoid being given "Wimmins' Ishoos" as a portfolio, I shall have to knuckle down and do some hard thinking...

Ok, If I was advisor to the Cardinal Archbishop of Westminster, I would recommend that...

- the immediate consecration of the diocese to the Immaculate Heart of Mary take place.

- all hymn books should be burned. An authorised Catholic Hymnal would be issued, containing all the original un-pc versions of hymns written before 1950. Any hymns written after 1950 would have to obtain the Nihil obstat and Imprimatur before being added to the Hymnal.

- all Holy Days of Obligation should be restored to their original days. These days would be reinstated as major religious holidays.

- liturgical dance and "acting out of the Gospel" at Mass should be banned.

- euphemistic monsters would be prohibited at Mass. Extraordinary Ministers of Holy Communion would only be permitted in order to take Communion to the Sick and Housebound.

- Catholic schools would have to demonstrate that they had more than 90% pupils and staff going to Sunday Mass. Schools which failed to fulfil this requirement would be closed. The money saved could be used for the schools which remained, and for parish catechesis. The smaller number of Catholic schools which remained would be exempted from the National Curriculum. Holy Days of Obligation would be days off school. The Easter Holiday would be Holy Week and the Octave of Easter.

- plus all the stuff on Fr. Ray's manifesto...

Hair Update...

I had a few requests to show my "new" hair colour... and since I'm quite pleased with it, I thought I'd post the photo I took...

What?? You wanted to see the hair colour! I don't need to show the rest of me!

Lune Valley Thinking in Blackfen

Fr. Paul Harrison came to Blackfen this morning for a little visitation. Unfortunately, I completely forgot my mobile phone this morning, so didn't manage to snap a photo for the blog. He and Fr. Tim tootled off somewhere nice for lunch, so I hope that Fr. Paul's absent gallbladder didn't impinge on the menu options available...

Quiz Time Again...

What Kind of Reader Are You? Your Result: Obsessive-Compulsive Bookworm You're probably in the final stages of a Ph.D. or otherwise finding a way to make your living out of reading. You are one of the literati. Other people's grammatical mistakes make you insane.
Dedicated Reader
Literate Good Citizen
Book Snob
Non-Reader
Fad Reader
What Kind of Reader Are You? Create Your Own Quiz

Twitch of the mantilla to Ttony of the Muniment Room

Confession

I am very lucky: Confessions are available in my parish at a time which suits me very well, and my PP is good when it comes to hearing Confessions and dealing with the issues which arise.

I haven't always been so lucky. I have had comments which have discouraged me ("Do you always go to Confession this often?") and comments which have been completely off the wall ("It's not good to be alone. You should get married!") It is also disconcerting to be told to confess only one sin, and to ignore the others.

Despite plenty of practice, easy availability and a good Confessor, I still find it very difficult to go to Confession: I don't really like to admit that I've been in the wrong. So it's helpful to look at the Sacrament in detail every now and then, in order to ensure that things aren't being skipped over too lightly.

Fr Zuhlsdorf has, very helpfully, put up a re-post of his 20 rules for penitents. And Fr. Ray Blake has taken the opportunity to post a few recommendations for priests hearing Confession. Definitely well worth a read.

Wooohooo !

Half term holidays have begun. Not a moment too soon - I was perilously close to oversleeping this morning!

I haven't really planned very much for this holiday, knowing that I need all the sleep I can get.

I Love Teaching...

...Something I really missed last year: the sheer enthusiasm of Year 7 kids! These are the 11-12 year-olds who started at "Big School" back in September.

Today I taught them how to make a microscope slide with onion epidermis. Each group had to set up their own microscope, extract the layer of onion epidermis, put it on the slide, add iodine, put on a cover slip (avoiding air bubbles) and then have a look at their slide down the microscope.

"Proper" science stuff. The kids loved it, and were terribly excited when they actually saw the results - and then went round looking at everyone else's slides. Suddenly all the stuff in the textbook became real for them.

Lucky For Me...

...Very lucky indeed, that I have found a hairdresser who understands what I mean when I describe the hair colour I want to achieve. After falling asleep during a staff meeting this afternoon, (well, it was very tedious!) I went on to fall asleep (briefly) in the salon while waiting for my hair colour to develop.

My hair looks pretty good (even if I do say so myself!)

It might, however, be a good idea for me to go and have a very early night.

Half-term cannot come quickly enough!

Idle Speculations...

It would appear that a few fellow bloggers have weighed in on the Westminster Sweepstakes with the consideration of Fr. Ray Blake for the top job!

Fr. Ray, true to form, has thrown down the gauntlet by publishing his very own "to-do" list if such a miracle ever came to pass. Of course, the list is such a good one that he has totally scuppered any chances he may or may not have had...

Several friends of mine have muttered for years that Fr. Tim Finigan (of Hermeneutic fame) would make an excellent Bishop... IMHO, for what it's worth, this is another case of flying pigs... I think that Fr. Tim would be far too frightening a prospect for the current Bishops' Conference to countenance such a move. And I suspect that, after reading his list, their Lordships will immediately put Fr. Ray into the same category...

As for the proposal to put me in charge of RE teaching in schools, I demand to know what I have done to deserve such a poisoned chalice... I thought Fr. Ray liked me...

UPDATE: Through some careless mistake, Fr. Ray forgot to appoint Karen H. as his Campaign and Publicity Co-ordinator. Luckily Karen accepted the job anyway. Check out her excellent campaign material HERE.

Dinner & Dance...

I needed a little light relief this evening: I've been immersed in exercise books and red pen for several days (apart from weekends: I'm trying not to bring home books, just lots of lesson planning... still, every little helps!)

Anyway, I could have phoned out for a take-away, but I felt I needed a change of scene. Added to which, I fancied a glass of wine with dinner, and didn't have anything suitable in the flat. I hate to open a bottle of wine when I know that I'm just going to have a single glass and then nothing for several days... So I ventured out into my local neighbourhood, as there are a few eateries along my local High Street.

The nearest one to me was closed for refurbishment, so I was forced to go a little further afield.

The restaurant in which I finally fetched up was one I hadn't visited before, and it was a bit of a shock. There was a doorman, dressed completely in white (including a turban) looking remarkably like one of the Indian servants from "It Ain't Half Hot Mum." I was fascinated: he spent the entire duration of my stay by the door, almost like a nightclub bouncer. Come to think of it, given the fact that there are some very roudy teenagers who go round in gangs near where I live, that could be his actual role...!

There were a few other diners in evidence, but the place was mostly empty: not surprising for the middle of the working week. I had brought a book, and settled down to enjoy my lamb pasanda with a glass of very good house white.

To my surprise, even though it was mid-week, there was live entertainment. Apparently it is different each night. Tonight we had a belly dancer. Not a real one - the young lady concerned had the sort of figure favoured by Western culture, and there wasn't much "belly" although her abdominal region was very much on display. A friend of mine from a few years back trained as a belly dancer, and watching her abdominal muscles gyrate was quite an eye-opener... this evening's dancer didn't attempt anything of the sort, but there was much waving of arms, legs and chest.

I noticed that she ventured round to a couple of tables when there were male diners in evidence, but she sort of lost interest and stuck firmly to the dance floor once they'd left. It occurred to me that dancing round the tables could actually be quite intrusive. I'd be interested to hear what my male readers thought about this sort of thing...

...And It's Only The Start Of The Week...

I have been busy today. While teaching about polymers (*big yawn*), I've been getting my Year 10 classes to make "silly putty" out of PVA glue and borax solution.

...but this does not make for a peaceful and uneventful lesson...

...the stuff bounces...

...and now I'm pretty much pooped! No more blogging for today... I'll be back tomorrow.

When Kitty Wants Breakfast...

A friend sent me this by email, and it was just soooooo like Sylvester's morning routine that I just had to upload it to YouTube...


...now if I could just train Sylvester to wake me at a specific time...