Baby Boom

Two of my friends have just had their baby a couple of weeks ago - a gorgeous baby boy named Max. I've been told he's gorgeous by the proud grandparents - I haven't seen him yet, but knowing the parents I'd say they're probably right!!

Two more friends emailed to say that they are expecting baby number five in April. And on Saturday another friend said she was expecting her second baby around April/May time.

Wow !

Blogger Bother

I don't quite understand what is going on. Each time I try to upload an image so that I can add it to my post, the little triangle beside the "Uploading Image to Blogger" message gets blocked out by a grey-ish square and after a minute or two more I get a "Cannot find server" message.

This is patently stupid, because I can still put up posts, which presumably go to the same server...

...then again, maybe not.

Anyway, I've tried refreshing the page, emptying my cache, re-booting my computer... all to no avail. This is irritating, as just for once I have some decent pictures I want to put up.

I've contacted Blogger Help but haven't heard anything yet...

In a minute I'm going to start sulking...

Debunking the Myths

Miles Jesu are visiting our parish each evening this week - and in addition to a Holy Hour we've been treated to talks from various speakers.

Yesterday Fr Richard Whinder gave a fascinating (and enlightening) talk on the Church in the Middle Ages. He pointed out that England was noted throughout Christendom for its devotion to Our Lady (hence the title Dowry of Mary), for its many great saints, for its Universities and for its great Religious houses.

He painted a picture of the medieval Church which was very much at odds with the popular ideas promoted in the media. In view of my last post, I was very entertained by Fr Richard's comments on the role and status of women in Christian Europe: a position not held under the rule of the Roman Empire, and lost again at the Renaissance when Roman law was "rediscovered" and reimposed.

Fr Tim managed to put up a post before me YESTERDAY, but he didn't have his camera handy and so didn't get a shot of Fr Richard (it has become a bit of an in-joke: for a priest who doesn't have a blog himself, he seems to crop up with amazing regularity in posts by UK Catholic bloggers, usually in the photos!) I didn't have my phone with me (I don't have a digital camera, but my phone works pretty well!) BUT Fr Richard kindly sent me a photo I could use to adorn this post... and so get one over on Fr Tim!!

(Unfortunately, the best-laid plans and all that... Blogger seems to be throwing a strop at the moment, so I can't upload the photo. I shall put the photo up as soon as the system sorts itself out.)

UPDATE: I've finally sorted the problem... by changing both the computer and the browser... so here is the picture:

The True Mulier Fortis

I get more than a little annoyed when people criticise the Church for not giving enough "power" to women. Of course, what they really mean is that women are not "allowed" to be priests. I'm not proposing to go into the theological justification for this (although I might give my opinion another time), just suffice it to say that I totally concur with the teaching of our Holy Mother the Church (funny, but none of the PC crowd ever object to that use of gender-specific nomenclature!)

Quite apart from the fact that those misguided souls who are calling for women to be admitted to the priesthood obviously have a very warped conception of what the priesthood actually is (because they equate being a priest with being "powerful") but they also rather miss the point when it comes to the attitude of the Church towards women.

Yes, there have in the past been some individuals in the Catholic Church who had a rather ambivalent view of sex and women, etc. etc. I'm no historian, and I don't know all the ins and outs of gender politics during the past two millennia (but let it be noted that the Protestant Church has had an even more ambivalent attitude - burning (female) witches being a more predominantly Protestant activity!) But whatever may have been said by individuals, the fact remains that the most powerful human being throughout the history of the Catholic Church is a woman.

Our Lord and Saviour was born of a woman. He was carried for nine months in the womb of a woman. Our God became incarnate, and he asked for the co-operation of a woman. Joseph was the foster-father of Jesus. Mary was truly his mother.

Our Blessed Lady is often dismissed as a poor role-model by feminists. They point to the emphasis on her virginity, and use this to claim that the church only approves of women who are either perfect virgins (impossible for most women to imitate) or saintly repentant prostitutes (citing devotion to Mary Magdalene as evidence for the latter). This feminist view ignores the truth: Mary's virginity is not valued because procreation is somehow degraded and sinful - a very Gnostic attitude, and condemned by the Church as heresy - but because it shows that Jesus did not have a human father: he is truly the Son of God, not just a man given divine power.

Another reason for Mary's dismissal as a role-model for modern women is the portrayal of her as a very insipid character. She is a model of humility, of obedience, of total submission to God. Milk-and-water meekness and goodness. Very unfashionable.

I beg to differ. Our Lady appears infrequently in the Gospels, but her character as revealed by those appearances is anything but insipid. When the Angel Gabriel appears, she asks for clarification of what she does not understand. If a supernatural being suddenly appeared to me, I don't think I would have the courage to ask questions! At the wedding feast at Cana, Mary takes the initiative and tells Jesus that the newlyweds are in dire straits. She trusts him to do something about it - and is so confident that she orders the servants to "...do whatever he tells you." Nothing insipid about that.

And then there is Mary's presence during the Passion. Unlike those terribly brave (male) disciples of his, Mary ran off because she was afraid... umm, no, I don't think so!!

I have just finished reading The Glories of Mary by St Alphonsus Liguori (1696-1787). He assembled as much information about Our Lady as he could find from the writings of the Saints, Doctors of the Church and other holy authors as well as from Sacred Scripture. And although he writes much about her mercy towards those who call upon her, especially sinners, the person who emerges from the pages is far from insipid, especially in her attitude to unrepentant and obstinate sinners:

"...he [the sinner] saw the most Blessed Virgin Mary, who said to him: 'Presumptious man that thou art, dost thou dare to appear before me? Depart hence, and go to that fire which thou hast deserved.' "

The book I read just before this one was True Devotion to Mary by St Louis-Marie Grignion de Montfort (1673-1716). In it, St Louis-Marie describes Mary as having power and authority even over the angels:

"...God has made her queen of heaven and earth, leader of his armies... destroyer of his enemies..."

And to leave absolutely no room for doubt,

"...The most fearful enemy that God has set up against the devil is Mary, his holy Mother."

Anyone described as "queen of heaven and earth," "destroyer" and "most fearful enemy" is far from weak. Mary's power, given by God, would make her truly terrifying were it not for her love towards us, her children, entrusted to her by Jesus on the cross. If it were not for this merciful love, we would indeed fear to approach her. Devotion to Mary is not mawkish sentimentality and veneration of spineless subservience. The 12th century hymn, "Daily, daily, sing to Mary," ascribed to St Bernard of Cluny, makes this very clear:

"All our joys do flow from Mary, all then join her praise to sing;
trembling, sing the virgin mother, mother of our Lord and King,
while we sing her awful glory, far above our fancy's reach,
let our hearts be quick to offer love the heart alone can teach."

As a woman, I would count myself blessed if I could imitate even some of Mary's virtues. The true Mulier Fortis is a role-model to rejoice in.

On the Vow of Chastity

I thought I'd put up a copy of the reading I had from the Introduction to the Devout Life by St Francis de Sales. I also had a Gospel reading (Matthew 16:24-27).

"She must offer God her body and chastity by means of a vow. After making her vow she no longer has the power to give up chastity without giving up her title to heaven. Hence she will watch over her vow so jealously that not for a single moment will she let the least thought of marriage enter her heart. In this way her holy vow will serve as a strong barrier between her soul and every project contrary to her resolution.

"A vow not only makes good works done as a result of it more acceptable to God but it also encourages us to put them into practice. It gives God not only the good works that are the fruits of our good will but likewise dedicates to him the will itself, the tree on which all our actions grow.

"By simple chastity we lend our body to God while still retaining the liberty to use it for sensual pleasure at some other time. By the vow of chastity we make him an absolute and irrevocable gift of our body without reserving to ourselves any power of recall. In this way we happily make ourselves slaves of him whose service is better than all royal power.

"Souls who are so happy as to desire to follow this advice should do so prudently, devoutly and firmly, having first examined their resolutions, invoked God’s divine inspiration, and taken counsel of a wise and devout director. Moreover, this renunciation must be made purely and simply with the single intention of turning all the affection of one’s soul toward God and uniting one’s heart wholly with that of his Divine Majesty.

"In God’s eyes nothing can truly merit praise except what is done for his sake."

(St. Francis de Sales, Introduction to the Devout Life, Third Part. No. 40)

A Day to Celebrate

I had a lovely day today.

It started with a card in the post and a few text messages conveying best wishes. And there was one text which was from a friend who had managed to get lost when leaving Sidcup Station.

There was a card in the sacristy for me (which had been sent c/o the PP) with best wishes from fellow-blogger Paulinus (of In Hoc Signo Vinces fame) - this made me laugh out loud, because the picture on the front of the card was thought to be one "Blackadder"... the first Archbishop of Glasgow, that is, not the character played by Rowan Atkinson! I hadn't realised that there really was someone of that name!!

The morning progressed as I indicated in my last post: Mass, Exposition, Benediction and then the Servers' Latin lesson (it was to learn the Classical Rite, not the Novus Ordo as I thought) and then it was time for me to renew my vows.

It took much less time than the half-hour I had predicted... partly due to the fact that this year, instead of a homily, Fr Tim read an extract I'd picked from St. Francis de Sales' Introduction to the Devout Life. It could have been written especially for me, and I liked it so much I've had the same reading for a couple of years.

Then we went to the Large Hall, where the UCM had really gone to town preparing a beautiful spread. Just for once I allowed myself a few drinks (I'll have to pick the car up tomorrow) and had a relaxing afternoon chatting away to my friends.

The blueberry pound cake baked by Ma Beck made its appearance, and was a great success - its demise was duly photographed by Fr Tim - the evidence will appear either on his blog or mine (if he sends me copies of the photos!) It really was delicious.

To finish off my day, I got a comment from those great guys at Orthfully Catholic: they've sent me a spiritual bouquet of prayers from all of them - Masses, Rosaries and Holy Hours - and that was a wonderfully uplifting thought. The knowledge that people are praying for you is just awesome.

Last Minute Preparations

Well, I think I'm almost ready for tomorrow. I prepared a leaflet with the order of service on it, but then realised that there wasn't much point printing it out, because the Litany of Saints will be in Latin rather than English - and my Latin wasn't up to the task of translation (Fr Tim will translate "on the hoof") and the other readings and prayers are pretty straightforward... and I am firmly of the opinion that the less paper being waved about the better (that goes for Mass as well!!)

Because I want to fit in with the usual Saturday devotions in the Parish, I will be in church pretty much all morning. There will be Mass (Novus Ordo, but in Latin and ad orientem at the Lady Altar) then Exposition for an hour, and Benediction. Then Fr Tim will be teaching a couple of youngsters some Latin so that they can serve Mass (Classical Rite eventually, but Novus Ordo to start with) and I help to fulfil the child protection requirements by being there... as well as getting to learn some Latin, hopefully! And then my Renewal of Vows is at 1pm.

And of course, I haven't neglected the more secular side of things: the UCM will have the catering well in hand, and tomorrow the bar will be open in the Parish Club. I've got my outfit sorted, and I've treated myself to a DIY facial. I am also attempting to do my nails... they've all reached a decent length for once, and I decided to go for the "French Manicure" look. Easier said than done - painting all the tips white on my left hand was ok, but getting the edges straight on my right hand is proving more problematic. Vanity, vanity... well, yes, maybe so, but a girl has got to try and look her best on her "wedding anniversary" !! And to counteract the very secular nature of my activities I am listening to a CD of Mass chants - Missa de Angelis to be precise.

Sylvester, my cat, is obviously determined to distract me from such frivolous pursuits... he brought me in a mouse to play with. Trying to retrieve a mouse from your cat when your nails are wet is a real challenge. I thought that this year's mousing season was over - obviously the warm weather has confused more than flowering plants...

Another Anniversary to Celebrate?

This time last year I had a pretty major car crash - and when I say major, I mean I really stopped traffic, six lanes, both sides of the A2 (it's actually more like a motorway at that point.) Getting hit twice by an articulated lorry, spinning across three lanes in the middle of the morning rush hour, colliding with (and denting) the central reservation barrier and flipping over onto your roof doesn't do much for the bodywork. Especially when those nice men from the fire brigade promptly cut the car open like a tin can in order to get you out...

...none of the people from the emergency services (police, ambulance and fire brigade) could believe that I'd survived the crash, and with nothing more than bad bruising and a tiny cut on one finger from a fragment of glass. The insurance assessor bluntly told me that he'd double-checked with the company when he'd seen the state of the car, because he was sure that the driver would be "out of the picture" and he needed to know who to speak to.

I thought I was going to die after the first impact, and I started to pray the Hail Mary as I wanted to die with those words on my lips. Our Lady and my Guardian Angel obviously had other ideas...

The Traveller Returns...

I note from his latest post on the Hermeneutic of Continuity that Fr Tim has made it back to Blighty in spite of being fog-bound on his travels to foreign climes...

He really should know better. The year of my first anniversary he managed to get himself stranded somewhere like Geneva. Fog. The night before my Renewal of Vows I got a phone call telling me that he was on his way to Belgium and hoped to get back to England by Eurostar in time for the ceremony (at which he was presiding!) but he thought he'd better warn me that he might not make it...

At least that won't be happening this year... unless he's planned another trip for tomorrow!

In Search of St. Anne Line

St. Anne Line is the particular patron saint I chose when I first took my vows. I thought that, in the run-up to my Renewal of Vows, it might be an idea to put up a description of a pilgrimage I made a few years ago, in her honour... I wrote it up, and Joanna (of Auntie Joanna Writes fame) persuaded me to submit it for the ACW Review. It was published in June 2004...

...unfortunately I don't know how to put up a longer version of a post somewhere else, so the whole thing will be posted here.

I was attracted to St. Anne Line as a patron because of her feisty retort at her trial when charged with harbouring a priest, where, totally unrepentant, she declared that her only regret was not harbouring a thousand of them. However, I had been unable to find out very much else about St Anne, and even hours of surfing the web had only resulted in three very sketchy accounts.

I was talking to Joanna, about the lack of information available, and it was then that one of those spooky coincidences occurred. She told me that she had recently met a priest at Tyburn Convent, and he was the Parish Priest of a church dedicated to Saint Anne Line. We both agreed that this was amazing, and agreed to make a pilgrimage to the church to see if we could find out more.

The day we picked for the pilgrimage was a Saturday. We both wanted to get to Mass, but although the idea of attending Mass at the church dedicated to St Anne was an attractive one, the idea of getting up early enough to find it was somewhat less so. Instead, I drove over to Joanna’s parish to meet her, and we attended Mass there. Then, very excited, we jumped into the car, and tried to work out the best route. This was when we hit our first snag. Neither of us knew the address of the church. We decided that we might try to locate it by looking through the Catholic Directory.

The first one we came across was in Dunmow, which made sense because this was where St Anne was born. We looked at the name of the parish priest, and this wasn’t the priest Joanna had met at Tyburn. Eventually we found the one she was looking for, in South Woodford. This lead to the second snag: which one should we visit? We decided to look at distances, and consulted our map. Third snag: Dunmow wasn’t listed in the map index. We then rang the number listed in the directory, and I spoke to an elderly man (presumably the Parish Priest) to ask for directions. After a few acidic comments about the poor quality of our map, he told us the name of a nearby town. Then I realised that Dunmow was on the map…. but it was listed as Great Dunmow in the index. Silly me!

We still were torn between the two places: the church in Dunmow was named for Our Lady and St. Anne Line, and was the older of the two churches, as well as being in the town where she was born; the church in South Woodford was dedicated to St. Anne Line alone, and was the parish of the priest Joanna had met at Tyburn. Intrepid explorers that we were, we hit on a compromise... and decided to visit both.

The journey itself was very enjoyable, with both of us chatting merrily away. In fact, we were chatting so much that we missed the turn-off for the M25 (only coming to our senses when we passed Guildford) and later took a wrong-turning onto the M11 (we suspected that we were going the wrong way when Joanna spotted Canary Wharf dead ahead!) But the weather was gorgeous, traffic, for once, was minimal, and we hardly noticed the time. Before long, we had arrived in Dunmow.

We found a car park in the centre of the town, and checked out the map for the location of the Catholic Church. It was only a few streets away, and so we strolled off to find it. It didn’t take us long, but it didn’t look much like a church from the outside. Both of us gazed at it in horror, but we decided to go and have a look inside.

The church itself was locked, but as we stood there considering our next move, a woman appeared at a side door. She explained that the church was normally locked during the day, but that she was cleaning in preparation for the Sunday services, and we were welcome to have a look inside. We followed her through a community hall and stepped into the church.

The contrast with the dismal exterior was so great we were almost speechless. The walls were faced with beautiful wood panelling and there were some really lovely paintings on the walls, including a huge one of St Anne Line, probably painted around the time of her beatification. We started to chat to the lady who had let us in, and she told us a bit about the parish and how it had developed over the years. She also brought us several large pieces of card which had information about St. Anne pasted to them. I asked if she had access to a photocopier, and she explained that there were several places in the High Street that did photocopies, and we were welcome to borrow the information until we could get it copied.

Having looked around for a bit longer, we lit a couple of candles and said a prayer or two. We then went in search of a photocopier and lunch, in that order. We found a bar with a garden, and sat outside enjoying good food and good conversation. We were tempted to linger over coffees, but it was getting late, and we still had another church to find. Reluctantly, we bade farewell to Dunmow, amazed at the contrast between the outside and the inside of the church, delighted with the information gleaned about St. Anne and marvelling at our luck at finding the lady in the church.

The journey to South Woodford was even easier than the one to Dunmow, and with fewer unintentional detours. We located the church easily, but again were appalled at its appearance: it looked like some sort of concrete bunker. The church was closed, and we wandered across to the presbytery which was nearby. The parish priest welcomed us, and invited us in for a cup of tea. He was just back from an Ordination, and would shortly have to go in to hear Confessions, but he said he would be delighted to show us the statue of St. Anne. This, he explained apologetically, was actually being stored in his garage, because it had been vandalised. He was hoping to set it up inside the church, but hadn’t yet prepared a suitable spot.

The inside of the church was again in complete contrast to the exterior. A passage about St Anne from the Martyrology was framed on the wall, but it was in Latin. I copied down a Latin inscription from a stone in the wall, hoping to get my own Parish Priest to translate it for me later. We stayed for a while to say another prayer, and then started off for home, praying the Rosary together in the car.

I felt sure that St. Anne was watching over our little pilgrimage, and was helping us along. I felt it very strongly when we met the lady cleaning the church in Dunmow, quietly preparing everything for the celebration of Mass, much as St. Anne herself must have done. And I felt it again when we turned up at just the right time to meet the Parish Priest in South Woodford. I used to think of pilgrimages as long journeys to big shrines in foreign countries, but every time we make a special journey to a church or other place associated with a saint it is a pilgrimage of faith. I hope and pray that I will be able to make many more.

Lost Opportunities

I was glancing through The Secret of the Rosary by St. Louis-Marie Grignion de Montfort this evening, and as sometimes happens, a paragraph sort of "jumped out" at me.

"Take great care to avoid the two pitfalls that most people fall into during the Rosary. The first is the danger of not asking for any graces at all, so that if some good people were asked their Rosary intention they would not know what to say."

Mea culpa, mea culpa...

"So, whenever you say your Rosary, be sure to ask for some special grace or virtue, or strength to overcome some sin."

Countdown to the Big Day

I'm getting excited... there is now less than a week until I renew my vows. I've said it before: I know I do not need to renew them - as far as I am concerned, I have chosen my path in life, and that is that. But it helps to remind myself (and my friends) of why I have made this choice, and what it involves. Having to print out the order of service also helps to focus the mind somewhat!

Someone asked me fairly recently what vows I had taken. They are private vows (this means that they are not received formally in the name of the Church, and not that no-one else knows about them!) and they are:

1) to live a life of prayer and self-denial, following Christ’s teaching that "anyone who wishes to be a follower of mine must take up his cross and follow me;"

2) to live a life of chastity in the single state so as to witness to Christ with an undivided heart and be a sign of spiritual fruitfulness in the world; and,

3) to live in obedience to the teaching and authority of Christ and his Church so as to accord with the will of Christ who was himself obedient even unto death on the cross.

I was discussing things with the Vicar General of the Diocese at the beginning of the year, and he asked me which vow I found to be most difficult to keep. It may come as a surprise to many people that the vows of chastity and obedience are actually reasonably straightforward to live out in everyday life. Prayer and self-denial are far more difficult. But more on that some other time.

More on the Birthday Meme

Fr. Tim at the Hermeneutic of Continuity tried out the Wikipedia birthday meme, and if you haven't already spotted it, you can find it HERE.

Gildas, one of those super seminarians at Orthfully Catholic has also taken up the challenge, but decided to avoid using his own birthday... he used a saint's day instead (and I suspect it is something to do with St. Gildas... though maybe I am jumping to conclusions....) and you can check it out HERE.

So, of my original tag-ees, that leaves only Auntie Joanna...

Blogging Blooper

Oh dear, I've been given a (gentle) ticking off... Apparently the chaps at Orthfully Catholic might want to preserve an aura of mystery... and birth dates would rather put the kybosh on that ! So, ok guys, consider yourselves "un-tagged"... unless you fancy using a favourite saint's day instead (Classical or Novus Ordo calendar!!)
;-)

Blogging From Over the Border

I like to explore the blogosphere, but rarely have the time (or patience) needed to do more than check out my favourites: my computer is so slow that it can take me an hour or more just to keep up. I tend to "discover" blogs through recommendations on my favourites. However, occasionally I spot that someone has linked back to me, and I'm vain enough to want to know who that discerning individual is...

Tonight I spotted that PF over at Laus Crucis succumbed to the lure of the How English Are You? test that I put up the other day. PF congratulates me on my good fortune in having a Scottish father, but laments the fact that this doesn't stop me being rated as 90% English... personally I blame my German mother: well, the Queen has German relatives...

Apart from the fact that PF appears to be based in (or near) Glasgow, I haven't been able to find out anything else: the site isn't a Blogger one, so there's no helpful profile to check out. I shall have to explore further... but not tonight.

Dissenters' and Hippies' Prayer Cards

Paulinus posed a question: do dissenters and hippies have blogs? It's hard to imagine that they do... after all, they might actually offend someone if they said something definite... by implication, if you make a hard-and-fast statement of belief, then you imply that other beliefs are, well... wrong!!

They may have blogs, of course, but generally, all the disenters and hippies I have come across have tended to be from the baby-boomer generation... and they are therefore rather unfamiliar with blogs... or email... or the internet... or computers...

...and often seem to have problems with setting video recorders...

Paulinus did put up a very amusing post where he speculated on what a dissenter's version of a prayer card might look like!!

Taking up the Gauntlet...

Looks like Paulinus has taken up the challenge I set him - you can read the results of his birthday meme HERE. He seems to have taken it as a personal affront that so many rock stars have died on his birthday. Could be worse... I had a whole series of wars and battles to choose from!!

My other three tag-ees haven't completed their memes yet...

Birthday Meme

I was challenged by one of those illustrious and captivating Catholic Cavemen to complete this birthday meme (I was so surprised to be tagged that I had to double-check that it was me that he meant!!)

1) Go to Wikipedia

2) In the search box, type your birth month and day but not the year.

3) List three events that happened on your birthday

4) List two important birthdays and one death

5) One holiday or observance (if any)


Ok, here goes:

Three events which happened (decisions, decisions):

1243 - Innocent IV becomes Pope.
1838 - The coronation of Victoria of the United Kingdom.
1919 - The Treaty of Versailles is signed in Paris, formally ending World War I between Britain, France, Italy, the United States and allies on the one side and Germany and Austria Hungary on the other side.

Two births…

1491 - King Henry VIII of England
1577 - Peter Paul Rubens, Belgian painter - the chap who went in for painting women who were on the generously-endowed side and chubby babies. Ok, ok, I’ll stop being so PC… fat women and babies.

…and a death
1914 - Franz Ferdinand, Archduke of Austria (and his wife Sophia) were assassinated in Sarajevo by young Serbian nationalist Gavrilo Princip, kicking off World War I

One Holiday or Observance

It’s the memorial of St Irenaeus of Lyons. I would also like to point out that actually it’s the Vigil of St Peter and St Paul as well, the next day being the Solemnity. I’m never one to miss out on an extra patron saint or two…

That's me sorted. Now I tag Fr Tim at Hermeneutic of Continuity, Paulinus at +In Hoc Signo Vinces+, Joanna at Auntie Joanna Writes and any one of those fantastic chaps over at Orthfully Catholic (or all of them if they want!!)

Oooh... A film about Christmas !

Antonia has put up a post about "Nativity Story" - a new film about... (well, you can probably figure it out!!)

Check out the trailer HERE.

How English are You?

You are 90% English.

Congratulations! You may now take your place as a subject of Her Majesty.

"And did those feet
In ancient times,
Walk upon England's mountains green?
And was the holy Lamb of God
In England's pleasant pastures seen?"

Well, no, but it's a cracking good tune.

How English are you?
Create a Quiz

That's it. My mother (German) will never speak to me again if she finds out. My father (Scottish) will be revolving somewhere (his ashes were scattered over a rosebush somewhere in West London)... so there will be a tornado happening sometime soon...

...either that or he'll be back to haunt me. I remember a brief and pointed conversation with him after I'd been on a school trip to France (I must have been about 12 or 13)...

Dad, fiercely: " What nationality did you tell them you were?"

Me, proudly: "Je suis anglaise"

Dad, incensed: "You're not bloody English"

Me, confused: "I was born in England..."

Dad, tersely: "Just because you're born in a pigsty doesn't make you a pig"

Me, getting bolshie: "So what am I then?"

Dad, firmly: "Half German, half Scot"

Me, tearfully: "But I don't know the French for that...."