Je Suis Arrivée...

Fr. Steven Fisher kindly alerted me to the fact that I have "arrived" in the world of Catholic Blogdom... I rated a mention on Holy Smoke, Damian Thompson's excellent Telegraph blog.

It must be a quiet news week...

;-)

So, if you have popped over from Mr. Thompson's blog, Welcome! Please take note: I have a very high opinion of women, their intelligence and their characteristics. Hardly surprising, given that I am one. I do, however, hold a pretty poor opinion of the type of woman who, while dissenting from everything the Church has taught for nigh on 2000 years, claims to be a faithful member of that Church.

I hold a pretty poor opinion of that type of man too. Hey, does that mean I have an "equal opportunities" policy on my blog??

Another note of caution: comments which are abusive or demonstrate that the writer has had a sense-of-humour bypass will be deleted, as will those with poor grammar, punctuation or spelling. Of course, I could be being wildly over-optimistic in assuming that I'll get any comments...

Lies, Damned Lies & Dentistry...

Yes, I went. Yes, it WAS as bad as I feared. The jury is still out on whether or not it was actually worse than I anticipated. Yes, it was painful. Yes, I do have to go again...

Why is it that, when dentists say "Now, raise your hand if you get any pain," and you then dutifully raise your hand, they look surprised and demand to know what is wrong?

I then yelped (involuntarily) when I got a sharp pain in my gum. The dentist protested that he hadn't touched the gum, he was drilling away the tooth... but I noticed that I spat out a load of blood afterwards... and later inspection in my rear-view mirror revealed that the gum had been nicked. I'm still bleeding.

Grrrrrr.

I now have to wait for the crown to be made. I also need to go back and get some more fillings sorted out. This had better equate to time off Purgatory...

Thanks for all the prayers!

Prayers Needed... (Again!)

*sigh*

I have to go back to the dentist in the morning. My temporary fillings (from a fortnight ago) need to be made into permanent ones. I got to this stage once before (a few years ago) and didn't complete the treatment, and the temporary fillings disintegrated...

...and the fillings I had put in this time feel very temporary, as I can detect the rough edges where the filling ends and the tooth begins with my tongue...

...but I'm not in pain...

...and so the thought of going along to put myself into the chair so that the dentist can inflict all sorts of nasties isn't very appealing.

I know, I know... I'll regret it if I don't go.

And yes, I shall use the time to contemplate the Four Last Things. And I will offer it up.

But a prayer or two would be greatly appreciated... mostly to ensure that I don't find an excuse not to go... like oversleeping (and missing the appointment) or not finding a parking space (and missing the appointment) or forgetting about the appointment (and missing the appointment)...

(I figured that, if you all knew about it, then I wouldn't be able to chicken out...!)

Women: An Interpreter's Guide...

After having battled with an office printer and a photocopier last week, I went out for lunch. After some considerable time had elapsed, I went to the Ladies... and caught sight of myself in the mirror. I had large black toner thumbprints on my nose, cheek and chin.

Horrified, I challenged my lunch companion: "Why didn't you tell me? Don't try to tell me you didn't notice... We've been sitting here for ages..."

Apparently, he didn't want to offend me.

The implication was that, for men, commenting on a woman's appearance is a bit of a minefield.

So I thought the occasional bit of advice might be in order.

First of all, gentlemen, please note that responses are often context-dependant. Take the simple question, "Does this look ok?" occasionally phrased, "How do I look?"

It usually means something along the lines of "Does my bum look big in this?" or "Do I look like mutton dressed as lamb?"

The reply given depends on the context... if the question is being asked at home (before going out), or in a shop's changing room (before purchasing the item concerned) then an honest answer is called for. If, on the other hand, the question is asked while "out" (at a party or other public situation) then the answer should always indicate that the item looks very nice indeed. If there are concerns that female friends might indicate a contrary view, it is advisable to preface the comment with "I think" or "In my opinion," which suggests that any contrary opinion is purely a subjective one... and you won't be accused of lying, but merely considered to have very poor taste.

Ok, that's a start. I think there's a book just waiting to be written... so, all you chaps, this is your chance to get the questions which have you flummoxed into the com-box, and girls, here's your opportunity to air the most glaring misunderstandings you've encountered...

Mea Culpa, Mea Culpa...

... Oh dear, what have I done? I may have led other traddy womyn astray! I wonder if that's an excommunicable offence?

Ekurlowa must be seriously traddy... she not only understands Latin, she can blog in Latin too!

She wants to join me as a traddy womynpriest. To that end, she suggests sending the following petition to the Bishops. It's in Latin verse, so we shall have to enlist the services of Fr. Z to find out what it means...

Feminarum personant saepius clamores:

sumusne servitio sancto digniores?

Quaesumus te, optime antistite domne

te petentes feminas ordinare omnes.

You can read the rest of it HERE.

The Faith, The Family… The Future

25th-26th October 2008 at All Saints Pastoral Centre, London Colney, St. Albans, UK.

A conference of hope for young people and families, focusing on:

- Fostering and exploring the beauty of the Church’s vision for marriage and the family
- Passing on the faith to the next generation and the role of the family in this work
- Promoting the growth of Catholic culture and vocations through the family
- Celebrating the fortieth anniversary of Humanae Vitae

Over the weekend there will be many eminent speakers, representing a broad panorama of Catholic thought and culture. With programs specially tailored to each age group, combined with the opportunity for retreat, spiritual reflection and renewal, the weekend provides a great opportunity for Catholics to renew their spiritual life, strengthening their families through meeting other young Catholics who share their hopes and views.

For details and booking, see the dedicated website or email HERE.

Who's In Line For The Hat?

Ttony of the Muniment Room seems to think that an announcement will be forthcoming pretty soon. I'm not so sure... I have been assured that all rumours of a terna are exactly that... just rumours...

So, unless things have moved very quickly indeed, we've still got a wee bit of a wait.

Of course, I make no claim to infallibility. And, occasionally, events (even at the Vatican) can get up a real head of steam.

In the meantime, speculation is rife. Someone apparently tried to put £40,000 on Monsignor Curry. Paddy Power don't accept bets of that size, but they have been tempted to add the Monsignor to the list with tantalising odds of 40-1.

If you fancy a flutter, you can check it out HERE, and Ttony has a list of the runners (with previous and current odds) HERE.

Blog Power ?

ICEL has finally decided that it will not charge royalties on any music downloads, providing that the source is acknowledged.

I found this statement on the New Liturgical Movement site slightly confusing, until I realised that it was a reference to written music (along with the texts of the new translation of the Mass!)

That is very good news indeed.

The cloud attached to this silver lining is that ICEL wants all copies of music for the new translation removed from the blogosphere until the texts are ready for release, and ALL music publishers are ready to go with it. ICEL will make an announcement when this happens. How long will we have to wait? Well, how long is a piece of string?

I'm feeling ever so slightly cynical this evening... and so I am probably being totally uncharitable in wondering if this is rather a neat bit of damage limitation: the blogs had been positively scathing in their condemnation of ICEL's ridiculous stance, and more and more of the text was finding its way to the blogosphere despite the threats of copyright legislation being brought to bear; furthermore, the NLM site has now taken down all the music it had put up already, in order to comply with ICEL's wishes...

No... I shall be charitable and focus on the silver lining: once the text is approved and finalised, it will be free of royalty charges...

eventually...

Return Of The Prodigal...

Joee Blogs has found the lure of the Blogosphere just too much to resist, and he's decided to make a comeback! He has, however, had to use a new URL for the blog, so anyone who still has Joee on their blogroll needs to update the link, which you can find HERE.

He starts, in typical Joee fashion, with a great quote:

"...a new version of Into The Great Silence is being filmed in Ireland.

It's about the bishops' commemoration of the 40th Anniversary of Humanae Vitae..."

Ba-da-boom!

How NOT To Start Sunday Morning...

Ok. This is actually just me having a rant. You can skip this post if you want! Of course, when I find out, I will never speak to you again and/or delete you from my blogroll...

I really should know better. After many years of ill-health, I've gotten used to having the radio playing all night. When I was younger, I often had a music station on... now, given that much of the popular stuff really gets on my nerves, I generally listen to BBC Radio 4... which switches to the BBC World Service at 1am, and then switches back to Radio 4 at about 5:20am.

During term time, I should get up at 6am for morning prayer. I set the alarm for 6am, at any rate. And, obviously, the radio gets switched off for the prayers... and then goes back on again as I get ready for work. Occasionally, something from the Today program will put me into a foul mood, but there isn't too much time for any really irritating stuff to register before I reach for the "off" switch. I'm good at getting to the "off" switch whenever I hear key phrases which indicate something of a hypertensive and/or anti-Catholic nature is about to be broadcast... words like "Catholic," "Dr. Lavinia Byrne" and "leading Catholic spokesperson, Cristina Odone"...

Sundays are different. I allow myself to wake up more gently (ie. I set only two alarms instead of the usual 4... and usually ignore them!) and I get up later.

On Sunday mornings, Radio 4 has a special religious program scheduled... imaginatively called "Sunday," this is a mish-mash of everything to do with anything even vaguely religious in the news. It starts at 7:10am and so, just as I am regaining full consciousness (well, as much consciousness as I generally indulge in before 11am) I get to hear someone or other burbling on about Sharia Law or the Archbishop of Canterbury.

Neither of these subjects are actually problematic, though the question occasionally crosses my mind as to why, when the Muslim holy day is Friday, they should be relegated to the religion slot on Sunday. The real problem is that, more and more, I seem to wake up in the middle of a piece on Catholicism. But it isn't actually Catholicism as taught by Christ and handed down by the Apostles... no. It's Catholicism as explained by dissenting Catholics. The BBC rarely manage to find faithful Catholics... which, I suppose, is only to be expected. "Catholics believe Church teaching on sexuality/marriage/priesthood/abortion to be completely true!" doesn't make much of a headline... in fact it's a close third behind "Pope is Catholic" and "Bears Defecate in Woods!"

So, as I say, I really should know better.

This morning was a case in point. The BBC have grasped the idea that Cardinal Newman is about to be beatified, and this involves digging him up. Ok, not too controversial... So far we're still in the "Ursine mammals fertilising forests" region, news-wise. But they then discover that the Cardinal left a request, in his Will, that he be buried in the same grave as his best friend.

Oooooooooooooh.

His best friend was another man. And they were best friends. So there must have been something sexual between them... it's obvious, innit? So let's find a homosexual man to draw the obvious link...

*Sigh*

I know that the BBC has some excellent reporters and researchers working for them. They do... I've actually met some. So why can't the BBC do its homework on matters concerning the Catholic Church?

I've been round a few cemeteries... (I've even visited a crematorium, but I digress...) Many times, I've noticed that several members of a family have been buried together. Husbands and wives are the most common combination, but groupings of parents and children occur, as do brothers and sisters. It's not unheard of. Similarly, people can go to great lengths to make sure that Granny is transported "back home" so that she can be laid to rest with others from her family.

Why is there such a fuss over Cardinal Newman's desire to be buried with his brother Oratorians (not just his friend Ambrose St John, but also Edward Caswall and John Joseph Gordon, as explained by Fr. Tim Finigan) - especially as, in Victorian times, it was not unusual for a man, staying at a travellers' inn overnight, to find himself sharing a bed with a complete stranger... and nothing sexual would have been involved. And, please note, the Cardinal was merely wanting to be buried in the same plot of ground, not the same coffin!

Ahhh, but Newman expressed great love for his best friend...

Oh, get a grip! I love my cat, but I assure you, I have no wish to indulge in bestiality. I love my friends too, but I don't want to have sex with them, either. Love does not have to mean "sexual love" - but, as Fr. Ray Blake has pointed out, modern society has a debased notion of love and friendship. In addition, the Victorians had a very sentimental view of friendship... read St. Thérèse of Lisieux's Autobiography if you want to get the idea of Victorian sentimentality.

This sort of twisted and miserable journalistic clap-trap isn't good for my blood pressure, but it is par for the course where the BBC is concerned. I really ought to make sure the radio is very firmly switched off on Saturday nights...

UPDATE: Prompted by an email reminder by William on the Hill, I forced myself to listen to the piece again... Peter Tatchell actually claims that this is a "human rights" issue. What about my "human right" not to have my faith spoken of in such a disparaging fashion, referred to, as it was, as the "Vatican" Church??

Frustration...

I need to try to learn square chant notation to help with singing parts of the Mass. By searching the Musica Sacra site, I discovered "An Idiot's Guide to Square Notes."

This is a start, because it tells me whether the neumes start up and go down or start down and go up, or start up, go down and go back up again, or start down, go up and... well, you get the picture!

I didn't really have a problem with that bit... I can follow modern notation to that extent, and the squiggles in square notation are fairly straightforward...

What actually has me chewing the table leg is trying to work out how much a note goes up and down... I know the do-re-mi-fa-sol-la-ti-do thingy, but can't quite work out the jump from, say, do to sol in my head without going through the whole lot...

*sigh*

I took Leutgeb's advice, and tried looking at a piece of music I knew well. I decided to try the Kyrie from the Missa de Angelis, figuring that I knew the tune quite well, and could follow the notation... Alas, I found that there were notes where I wasn't expecting notes, which suggests that I've been singing it all wrong for months...

I think I must be a musical dunce. At least it's a Low Mass tomorrow morning!

The Technology Rat-Race

Heheheheheheh. For a short while, I find that I am ahead of "Fr. Gadget" in the technology rat-race: His Hermeneuticalness is in possession of a mobile phone with a lower specification than mine. Not that I'm competitive or anything...

I suspect that this superiority will be short-lived: after checking out my Xda Orbit 2 after Benediction this morning, he muttered something about comparison websites for iPhones and alternatives...

...no doubt whatever model he gets will have the tea-making attachment as standard!

Safe At School...

One of SPUC's latest initiatives is the "Safe at School" campaign. I believe that this is more necessary than ever... one of the most recent education drives of the Government is the "Every Child Matters" agenda... of course, every child does matter, though with the emphasis on targets and A*-C grades obtained at GCSE, you'd never think so! However, one of the areas covered by the ECM agenda is that of "Health."

That sounds all fine and dandy. We want our children to be healthy. But this also includes things like sexual health... and children being given information without their parents or guardians being aware of it. Information such as how to masturbate, how to use a condom, how to get hold of the morning-after pill, and how to arrange a surgical abortion... all completely confidential... and with the emphasis on "not telling parents."

This advice is sometimes given by the school nurse: many people do not realise that, under the current child protection policies in our schools, while teachers have a legal responsibility to inform the child protection co-ordinator of any concerns they may have, (for example, if a child is engaging in sexual activity) the school nurse is able to offer complete confidentiality, and has no such obligation to pass on any information. The school nurse can even administer the morning-after pill to students.

Even more worrying is the provision of such advice under the cloak of "careers" advice. Parents might be vigilant when it comes to the curriculum for PSHE, but "careers" sounds pretty innocuous. However, Connexions, which provides careers advice in most schools in England & Wales, include questions on sexual health and behaviour in their careers questionnaires, and encourage students to go and visit their advisors to discuss sexual health, the morning-after pill and abortion.

The Government also appears to be pushing another agenda: to make homosexual lifestyles and relationships appear to be as "normal" and acceptable as heterosexual ones.

Faith schools are not immune. Because Ofsted measure compliance with the ECM policy as part of its inspection process, all schools in the maintained sector are forced to show how they are implementing the sex education requirements. And, even though they can prevent outside agencies coming in to the school, most Catholic schools find it easier to "go with the flow" - and some, indeed, don't see anything wrong with providing contraceptive advice to children...

This isn't just scare-mongering. I had to speak out about the sex education lessons given by the school nurse at one Catholic secondary school in which I worked. They were given information on contraception which was factually inaccurate and totally unsuitable for the age-group of the majority of the children, the teaching of the Church was mentioned in passing (and very dismissively) as "something you might want to consider," and cards explaining where the morning-after pill and abortions could be obtained were handed out. Having discussed this with many colleagues, I discovered that this was not an unusual state of affairs, even in a Catholic school.

I would advise every parent to obtain a copy of the Safe at School leaflet by emailing Liz Foody, and to follow its recommendations.

Award...

...about time I won something...

Anyhow, Jackie nominated me for the "Blogging Friends Forever" award.

The Blogging Friends Forever Rules are:

1. Only five people allowed.
2. Four have to be dedicated followers of your blog.
3. One has to be someone new, or recently new to your blog, or live in another part of the world.
4. You must link back to whoever gave you the 'Blogging Friends Forever' award.

Hmmmmmm.

Ok, not sure about the "dedicated followers" bit, but these four certainly check me out occasionally: Mark from Rise and Pray, His Beatitude the Owl of the Remove, the Hound of Heaven (I'm tempted to nominate Oliver Badcat, but that might be considered divisive!) and Leutgeb of Bara Brith. The "recently new" blog will be Roses and Jessamine.

Sat Nav...

My new, super-snazzy, can-do-anything-except-make-the-tea* mobile phone came with free sat-nav.

I had to go to Woldingham again on Tuesday (I'd been talked into helping out at the Southwark Diocese Altar Servers' Break ("Summertime") so, as I knew the route pretty well, I decided to try it out.

The sat-nav program is called "Co-pilot." I had a few problems setting it up, but that might be because I couldn't seem to get a fix on my starting location... something about the construction of my block of flats appears to interfere with the GPS signal. Maybe I'm just being blonde.

Anyway, once I was outside the flat, sitting in my car, the phone managed to locate me. I was directed to the A2, though it wasn't the route I usually take... and I discovered that I really have no idea of distance. I mean, what is 500 yards? "In 500 yards, turn left" proved to be a little difficult to interpret... luckily, I spotted that the road I had assumed to be 500 yards ahead was actually a cul-de-sac, so I guessed that it wasn't my proposed route!

Once I'd gotten over the distance issue (if I use this more regularly, I might actually learn what 500 yards is!!) it seemed to go swimmingly. I was directed to the A2, and then to the M25... and that was fine... I even got a warning to "bear left" when the M25 split off from the A21.

My faith in the program began to wane when, as I approached the roundabout on Junction 6, I was told to take the first exit. Now, I had had problems inputting my destination, because Woldingham School's postcode covers a wide area, and I couldn't pin it down (not having the exact address to hand), so it is possible that the sat-nav was directing me in a round-about way to the main centre of the postal code. All I knew was that the first exit at that roundabout is the A22 heading towards Eastbourne... and the route to Woldingham I usually take goes towards London... the third (or possibly fourth) exit.

I decided that I didn't actually have time to explore where the sat-nav was heading, and so ignored it. Amusingly, as I drove down the dual carriageway towards London, I was told to turn around... and then the sat-nav gave up, and re-calculated its route... However, as I turned in towards the school drive, I entered the Communications Bermuda Triangle, and the sat-nav died, as did my phone signal.

Because I couldn't enter my start location at Woldingham, I didn't bother switching on the sat-nav for my route home.

...I am curious as to where I'd have ended up if I had followed instructions though...

*To be honest, I suspect my phone could make the tea if I had the right attachment...

Feeling Melancholy...

It's the anniversary of my father's death, and so, of your charity, can you spare a prayer for the repose of his soul.

Daniel Gerard McLernon
d. 20th August, 1982
52 years

Requiescat in pace

New CD...

I learned to pray the Rosary in Latin by praying it in my car to the accompaniment of Pope John Paul II's Rosary CD.

I am delighted to see that Pope Benedict has released a new version (presumably including the luminous mysteries as there are 4 CDs in the collection) so I will be able to recite the Rosary in Latin with a German accent, as well as in Latin with a Polish accent!!

Mantilla-twitch to Fr. Z.

UPDATE: I have been taken to task pretty swiftly, and I guess I really should have known better! If I manage to get the CD, I will be able to recite the Rosary in Latin with a Bavarian accent!

New Blog...

Ekurlowa is from Russia, but she blogs in English (using Latin for the words she's not sure of! *gulp*) and she plays the organ at Mass three times a week.

Her blog is called Levabo oculos meos ad caelum. Pop on over and say "hallo"...

New Phones For Old...

About 17 months ago, I was gloating over my new PDA/mobile-phone thingy. I was very impressed that I could now keep my diary, my address book, my notebook, my MP3 player, and my camera all in one handy device which was easily synchronised with my home PC.

Well, ok, those of you with better memories might just remember my cri de coeur when I thought I'd lost absolutely everything after my computer threw a hissy fit...

But, to be fair, I've had a great deal of fun... especially with the camera.

Then Fr. Z came to England. With his new iPhone. I saw. I coveted. I contemplated relieving him of the burden of such a secular item... I even considered (briefly) the possibility of shelling out hard cash to buy one. Finally, I decided to wait until the new iPhone was released... an event which was due to coincide with the renewal of my contract and upgrade possibilities.

The main consideration here was cost. I didn't fancy having to pay for my phone. Having a phone contract is more than enough, thank you. I was also influenced by my students when they (occasionally) caught sight of me using it... "Miss, you know you're not allowed to use mobile phones in school !" "No, you aren't allowed to use mobiles in school. I am... and anyway, it's a PDA..." "Ooooh, it's really nice... can you get the internet on it too? Sweet... Hey, Charlene, Miss's got Facebook on her phone..."

Yes, the students were actually impressed. I suspected that they'd be even more impressed by an iPhone, but that was a side-issue.

My contract came up for renewal, and I popped along to various phone retailers to see what was on offer. I'd had a look on the internet, but there's nothing quite like getting your paws on a phone to see if you actually like the feel of it. I looked at the iPhone, but realised that there was no stylus, and it wasn't really geared up for note-taking and what-have-you... it's more of an entertainment device.

A very, very nice piece of kit. But not really me...

So I decided to check out the Xda Orbit 2 - the new version of the phone I already had. Strangely, for an upgrade, it's actually bigger (by a few millimeters - well, actually, longer. It's marginally less wide.) The screen resembles that of the iPhone, in that there's no "raised edge" which is handy, because it always collected gunk. The casing at the back feels sort of rubbery and velvety at the same time... it's very touchable. The loading time for programs is much faster, and there's a finger-touch action on the screen similar to the iPhone. But there's also a built in stylus.

The O2 shop wanted to make me pay nearly £200 for the phone as I was trying to reduce my monthly bill at the same time. I smiled sweetly, said I'd think about it, popped to the coffee shop round the corner and phoned O2 customer services while having a coffee. Asking for one's PAC code produces a most gratifying response: I was promised the phone for free as well as a £10 per month reduction in my bill...

The Power Of Prayer...?

Ok. I've had toothache for a while. Thursday night, it got so bad that I went to the dentist on Friday. I was loathe to do so, because I realised that I'd probably need major root canal work done, and I wasn't sure that I could sing at the Missa Cantata for the Assumption with numb lips, tongue and gums... rather a vital consideration, as there were only three of us in the "schola" !

Anyway, it turned out that the dentist was unwilling to do anything until I'd taken some antibiotics. Then I could have the root canal work done, a crown added, and whatever else needed sorting. So I had a reprieve until Monday morning. But the pain was still bad enough to ensure that I kept the appointment...

After a bad night, this morning started off with Mass in the Extraordinary Form. I then asked if there was an Old Rite blessing available for poor suffering souls about to visit the dentist. I don't feel this was an unreasonable question to ask, because there is an Old Rite blessing of beer... and I think drinking beer is a far less risky occupation than visiting the dentist... but, apparently, there is no blessing of dental patients.

I had blogged about the appointment, and my fear, and several of you said that you'd pray for me. Thanks for that!

I went off, full of trepidation. The dentist explained what he was going to do. I've had a root canal or two done in the past, and he encouragingly told me that this was a much bigger tooth, and so it would be a much worse experience. The only reason I didn't run out of the surgery right then and there was that I was horizontal and he already had a needle in my gum...

He drilled quite a bit. Then hummed and hawed. He stopped, looking puzzled. Then he shoved more instruments in my mouth...

and finally he admitted that, surprisingly, the nerve didn't seem to be exposed. He'd cleaned out the rest of the tooth and put a temporary filling in, but that, if I survived the next two weeks without any pain, I wouldn't need a root canal filling after all!

The power of prayer, perhaps...?

Just For Karen...

... and also because I need to distract myself while awaiting my doom in the dentist's chair! Karen playfully asked me the following question...

"If you should pass from our presence, what picture of you shall we use for your saint's card, should you be so elevated, and of what do you want to be patroness?"

(I took the liberty of tidying up the grammar!)

My answer: The picture would have to be my blog profile picture: the back of my mantilla-draped head. As to patronage, I think I'd probably be invoked by hairdressers (especially before a permanent colour was applied), people who need to wake up on time (and have a tendency to oversleep) and cat-lovers!

I thought this was rather a good subject for a meme (and a blessedly short one at that!) so, I'll tag Karen (obviously), Fr. Tim (if he bothers to check the blogs before he goes off on holiday), Mark, Fr. Ray, Paulinus, Ttony and Leutgeb.

Put a note in the combox to say you're done, and tag 7 people. And anyone else who wants to play, feel free!

OK... Too Much Serious Stuff...

What with toothache, the Mahoneyfest and ICEL, I need cheering up! Luckily, Adrienne was on hand to find the funny cat posters!

Some of my favourites:







You can find more cat pictures via the link.

Say a prayer for me Monday morning. There's an early Mass at the parish (7:00 am - *whimper*) then time for a cup of tea before heading off to see the dentist (*double whimper*) This time there WILL be drilling... I guess I won't need any help meditating on the Four Last Things...

Copyright...

ICEL are dragging their feet with regard to making the new translation of Mass texts available because of copyright "issues." They claim that this is to protect the integrity of the texts. Rubbish. I heard that it was precisely to avoid copyright issues that composers mucked about with many of the words of the Mass, and that is the reason that we have such ghastly versions of the Gloria and Sanctus, etc. etc...

But Jeffrey Tucker of NLM fame informed ICEL that he could get ten or so professional musicians to compose musical settings of the Mass and make them freely available on the web... provided they wouldn't be accused of infringing copyright. However, it looks as though ICEL aren't at all keen to make use of this generous offer...

The Pastor in Valle thinks he might be being overly cynical: he suspects that "approved" musicians and liturgists have been in possession of the texts for some time, and that they are being given first bite of the cherry with regard to getting their Mass settings published (and, presumably, copyrighted to the hilt!)

Sadly, this sounds like an all too likely scenario... why else would one turn down the offer of free, uncopyrighted musical settings for Mass?

Cardinal Arinze On Liturgical Dance...

...why is it that Tabletista liberal types always want to have bongo drums and liturgical dance, and claim that this is more "inclusive" because dance as worship is the culture of Africa and Asia?

In my experience, some of the more respectful, reverent, and traditionally minded people I have encountered are African or Asian. They can appreciate the beauty of liturgical vestments, Latin and plainchant just as well as us Western types. And Western church acoustics are not suited to bongo drums, however reverently they're played! Western churches are not suitably adapted for dance either...

Cardinal Arinze sets the record straight: the graceful movements of both African and Asian peoples is part of worship, and is an expression of joy... it is NOT "dance," and the Latin Rite should have no truck with so-called liturgical dance during the celebration of Mass and the Sacraments. Definitive answer. End of.



The bit about dance starts at 3:18

"Dance is not known in the Latin Rite of the Mass... Our Congregation has considered it for years... the directive we give from our Congregation is this: in the strict Liturgy, that means the Mass, the sacraments, Europe and America should not talk of Liturgical Dance at all..."

This Is What Happens...

...when you forget that Liturgy is the official worship of the Church, and is given to us by God. It is not something we "do" for God, it all comes from Him.

There are rubrics for a reason. The Mass is the supreme prayer: adoration, contrition, thanksgiving, supplication, and this is offered on our behalf by Christ. He is the mediator through whom our prayer becomes acceptable. The priest is in persona Christi.

At least, that's what should happen.

And when you forget that, when you think that Liturgy is really what makes us feel good, inducing soft, warm fuzzies in everyone, then you get this sort of cringe-making spectacle... men in pyjamas walking through the congregation with large incense-filled woks held aloft, (whom, exactly, are they incensing, and why?) and women in tight tops and flowing skirts doing "meaningful" stretching exercises for no discernible reason. There also seems to be a great deal of unexplained banner waving... at one point I thought they were waving giant feathers, and I wondered what sort of hormones they'd been feeding the chickens...



Twitch of the mantilla to Fr. Ray Blake... when I stop feeling queasy, I might be able to forgive him.

Feast Of The Assumption

I love this Feast of Our Lady... it's one that "sorts the men from the boys" as far as Catholic teaching goes... as the most common objection of Protestants is that "it isn't Scriptural" !

I love Scott Hahn's comment. If you could make your mother perfect, if you had the power to do that, well, wouldn't you make her the best she could be? Totally sinless? Completely perfect?

Well, Jesus is God. He can do exactly that. And so he did...

On a more mundane note, I survived this evening! There were three of us to sing the propers for the Mass of the Assumption this evening... we used the Rossini propers, as there wasn't enough time to learn the full motets from the Graduale Romanum. Apparently, we sounded ok!

Fear...

I am terrified of dentists.

This is a fact which completely confuses my family... they know my fascination with all things medical, the fact that I've been conscious during the last few major leg operations I had (I react very badly to general anaesthesia) - and that I wanted to watch what they were doing... I have cheerfully observed surgeons cutting suspect lumps from my body (the smell of cauterised human flesh is quite unique) and I have no problem with injections...

...until I see a dentist. Then I am reduced to a quivering wreck. I particularly hate the injections into the gum... but I can't possibly have treatment without the local anaesthetic.

I was so frightened on one occasion, I bit the dentist. I maintain that it was his fault... he didn't move his fingers fast enough!

As a result, my mouth is a bit of a mess. I only go to the dentist when I have no alternative, when the pain of toothache overcomes the fear of the chair. So I always need treatment, which is usually complicated and, well, painful and unpleasant... which reinforces the fear...

Anyway, I lost a filling or two many months ago. By diligent brushing of the teeth, I managed to stave off the inevitable for quite some time, but the holes got bigger, and there are gaps between the remaining fillings and my teeth... and it hurts. I've put up with fairly constant toothache for about a week, but last night I couldn't sleep and my whole head was throbbing.

I did an internet search for a dentist near me, and rang round to see if I could be slotted in as an emergency case. I judge a dentist by the quality of their receptionist - I'm in no fit state to judge anything once I'm in the chair - and I picked a dentist close to me whose receptionist sounded soothing and reassuring. The only appointment slot was for 2:45pm...

...and may God have mercy on my soul... *whimper*

UPDATE: I went. The dentist tapped a few teeth. Then he prescribed antibiotics and painkillers. And I have to go back for possible root canal work. I want to die... preferably before Monday...

Baby Faith

After the highly enjoyable Faith Summer Session, I returned to Woldingham School this week for round 2: the Faith Summer Break, affectionately referred to as "Baby Faith."

Baby Faith, as its name suggests, caters for a younger clientele than the Summer Session: the children are between 11 and 15 years old. The format is pretty similar, though there are more activities planned for each day. It's a pretty gruelling experience for the helpers (it's residential... and you try persuading 43 excited youngsters that they really would rather go to sleep than run riot through the dormitories having midnight feasts and pillow fights!)

I was wary of taking photographs, because of the age of the youngsters - probably unnecessarily so, but I preferred to be cautious. However, these three reprobates insisted that I blog about them!

The chap on the left is Joe Kelly - an RE teacher. He managed to hold the attention of 43 youngsters before and after Mass, as he explained why the Mass was so special and such a vital part of the life of any Catholic who wished to take their faith seriously. The kids were completely captivated. He also led them in praying the Rosary during the time for Confessions - not only were the children totally engaged, but he even coped with the constant movement of helpers and children as they were being shepherded into Confession. Pretty amazing stuff... I wish I had that sort of magnetism!

Dr. Miles Leeson is the shifty looking individual on the right... not only had he given up a week to help with Baby Faith, but he had had an interview for a lectureship the previous week, and was therefore still waiting to hear from the University. He was remarkably phlegmatic - I'd have been phoning home every day to see if any post had arrived! Anyway, I keep waiting for the comments correcting my spelling, punctuation and grammar...

Finally, in the middle is Dermott O'Gorman, whose father is responsible for the Faith website (I think he still does it!) Dermott is about to go off to Valladolid for his first year of seminary. His brother Matt (to be honest, I don't know which one is the eldest) has gone out to the Venerable English College, Rome, also to start training for the priesthood. I think both brothers went to the John Fisher School, Purley, which is where the Faith Movement was started.

As an aside, the number of priestly vocations inspired by contact with the Faith Movement is amazing - have a look at the number of priests and seminarians in the photos on Fr. Tim's post. I have been privileged to become friends with very many of them: fine young men, all of them! It is very heartening to see... and it contrasts starkly with the prevailing view in Tabletista country: that we need to prepare for a Church with fewer priests. No, we don't. We need to pray for vocations and preach about vocations and encourage young men to think about vocations to the priesthood. It is noticeable that the Mass celebrated by Faith priests is always reverent and prayerful, and there's none of the mucking about with the rubrics which I decried in my last post, and no focussing on the personality of the priest, either. It's always very clear that the Mass is about Jesus Christ!

I didn't manage to get many other photos, but this one shows Sister Andrea of the Sisters of the Gospel of Life, a new religious order founded in Glasgow which gives practical and spiritual help to mothers in crisis pregnancies. Both Sister Andrea and Sister Roseann were encouraged and supported in their vocation by their contact with the Faith Movement. You can read more about the Order and their work by going to their blog... In case you're wondering, the priest is Fr. Chris Findlay-Wilson, who brought a minibus-load of children all the way from Cornwall. Hopefully they've arrived home by now!

Silence Is Golden...

...at least, that's what I suspect the majority of my readers will conclude, once I get back into the swing of things blog-wise!

On a more serious note, I actually want to blog about the place of silence at Mass.

I have only been attending the Extraordinary Form of Mass for a relatively short period. I went to a High Mass at St. Bede's about ten years ago, although I had no real idea what was going on: I was invited by a member of the choir, and so was with them for most of it... and the only thing I recall from the experience was wondering when the Mass was going to begin, and then discovering that we'd reached the Gospel! The choir had been singing continuously, as they do at a Solemn High Mass, and I'd been waiting for them to stop so that the priest could make the sign of the cross...

I also gathered that this "Old" Mass was something frowned upon by the majority of Catholics, and so it was spoken about in very circumspect tones "among friends." It wasn't forbidden, but one didn't really advertise it. As a result, I wasn't too keen: I hadn't been long back within the fold, and I didn't fancy the idea of becoming involved with a clique... and a slightly frowned-upon clique at that!

I eventually ended up as a parishioner at Blackfen, where Fr. Tim Finigan is Parish Priest. One of his parishioners had requested that her Requiem Mass be celebrated in the Extraordinary Form, and, after agreeing to this, Fr. Tim got to grips with the rubrics. He then switched to praying the TLM whenever he had a private Mass (private as in "not the usual Parish Mass.")

I would occasionally be able to attend these private Masses if they were before or after school, and so I experienced Low Mass. I loved the silences, the very careful movements which were laid down in the rubrics, the feeling that this was the Mass celebrated for centuries, and the Mass with which many of the Martyrs would have been familiar.

I joined the Latin Mass Society (alas, lack of organisation meant that my subscription soon lapsed, and I kept forgetting to renew it!) and bought myself a St. Andrew's Missal... and that's when I got very angry. I suddenly realised how very poor the translations of many of the prayers of the Mass were, and how much ICEL had dumbed down the Novus Ordo. I had bought into the legend that, pre-Vatican II, everyone had failed to understand the Latin, and had just sat in silence and ignorance while the priest and server "got on with it." Here, in my hands, I had proof that this was far from the case.

My St. Andrew's Missal was beautiful. The prayers were side-by-side in Latin and English, and so I could follow the Mass word-for-word if I wished. But there was so much more: the major feasts had short essays, descriptions of various stationed churches in Rome, and doctrinal, historical and liturgical notes... pages and pages of the stuff. A veritable catechism in itself! The Novus Ordo Missal was pretty small beer by comparison...

I found myself being drawn in by the TLM, and I gradually discovered the beauty of silence. It took a while before I realised that I didn't need to follow every word of the Mass as it was spoken - that, instead, I could read the readings and prayers beforehand as preparation, and then, during the Mass, just reflect on what I had read. Or pray the rosary. Or just watch the actions at the altar. Or just bring myself and my worries to God and sit there while the priest, in persona Christi, interceded for the rest of us, and offered the supreme Sacrifice.

The silent Canon is awesome. Whichever method of praying the Mass I adopted, each time I found myself holding my breath during the Consecration, almost as if I might disturb the descent of Jesus to the altar... and I'd heave a huge sigh after the second genuflection. And it seems that I'm not the only one to react this way... demonstrated by comments made on Fr. Tim's blog, first by Fr. Seán Coyle:

"It was the communal coughing that was a release of the tension among people who knew they were present at something truly awesome."

and then by David:

"I refer to the coughing and shuffling which immediately followed the elevations. Nothing could have better highlighted the riveting attention, prolonged ever so slightly by the pause before the last bell as the pall was replaced on the chalice."

I still attend the Novus Ordo Mass. I understand that there are some adherents to the TLM who consider the Novus Ordo invalid. This is complete nonsense: if the words of Consecration are spoken with the right intention by a validly ordained priest, then we have the Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity of Our Lord Jesus Christ made present on the altar. And so I wear my mantilla at Novus Ordo Masses as well as at the TLM.

But, given a free choice in the matter, I prefer to attend Mass in the Extraordinary Form. I have come to appreciate the value of silence, something sorely missing from the Novus Ordo... oh, a priest might include a period of silence, but it's entirely at his whim. There's no telling when it might occur, or how long it will go on for.

And then there are the Novus Ordo Masses (like one I attended recently) where there is no silence allowed at all: where the priest insists on talking to "explain" everything. "Now we are going to tell God how sorry we are..." "Now we are going to bring up the gifts of bread and wine"... and worst of all, immediately after the Consecration of the Host, at the Elevation: "Now we say together, 'My Lord and my God'..."

(Mind you, I should have realised this was on the cards when the priest introduced the Mass by telling everyone present that they needed to focus... "First, focus on me... then, focus on the readers... and then focus on Jesus..." I suppose I should be grateful that Jesus got a mention... At least that type of Mass is a rare experience for me!)

In the TLM, the "silences" are actually periods when the priest is praying... and you get to know how long a period of silence is (basically, it ends when the prayers do!) And, in that silence, you can let God touch your heart.

Silence isn't really golden. It's far, far more precious than that!

Blogging Suspended...

I'm going to be back in the communications Bermuda Triangle which is Woldingham School for the next few days - it's "Baby Faith" this week, and I was crazy enough to say that I'd be able to help....

Oh dear Lord, what have I done...?

Another Interview With Fathers Z & T...

Another interview between the two überbloggers, Fr. Z and His Hermeneuticalness, on the recent Merton Conference where priests were learning to celebrate the Extraordinary Form.

The New Translation & Catechesis...

Oh boy. It seems that the new English translation of the Novus Ordo Mass will be available "as early as" 2010. ICEL are really jumping the gun here... I mean, the whole point of the delay in making use of the new translation is to allow us stupid people time to get our heads around the difficult words. Will a whole two years be sufficient for the catechetical materials and training courses to be approved and implemented? I have serious doubts...

The American Bishops' Conference has posted the whole text as a PDF file, but it has "Study Text Only" printed in big letters on each page; no doubt this is just in case anyone should be tempted to study the paper the words are printed on rather than the text...

As a teacher, I want to do my little bit to help. I have a great deal of experience in teaching children strange new words like "photosynthesis" and "chromatography," and so I feel that I am uniquely placed to assist lay people with the return to a more sacred language...

Looking at the Canon of the Mass, I found one immediate change we can get to grips with...

Old translation: "he took the cup." New translation: "he took this precious chalice."

Ok, look at the pictures below.

(1) Cup

(2) Chalice

Now, which word do you think best represents the sacred vessel we use at Mass to hold the Precious Blood? And do you think that two years is long enough to get the hang of this difference?

An Alternative Magisterium... And Another "Exclusive" From The Mulier Fortis!

I mentioned before that Damian Thompson was sitting next to me at the High Mass I attended at Merton College, Oxford. I spoke to him briefly to say how much I enjoyed reading his blog, but forbore to mention that I had a blog of my own: I'm extremely small fry in comparison with the Editor-in-Chief of the Catholic Herald and author of Holy Smoke, one of the Daily Telegraph's blogs. I have, however, been waiting eagerly for his take on the Merton Conference. Thanks to the tireless work of überblogger extraordinaire Fr. Zuhlsdorf, Damian's article on the Conference has been tracked down... somewhat confusingly, it's in the Sunday Times.

It's very interesting. I particularly enjoyed the oblique reference to the snippet of gossip which I was responsible for releasing into the Catholic Blogosphere, namely the discussion by the Bishops of England and Wales at their Low Week meeting on how they should attempt to "rein in" priestly bloggers.

"He [Bishop Malcolm McMahon] also tells Father Tim Finigan, author of the Hermeneutic of Continuity, the most influential of all the conservative blogs, to keep writing. Which is interesting, given that the Bishops’ Conference would dearly like to stop that particular blog."

A further snippet has come to my attention: allegedly, their Lordships are a tad concerned that His Hermeneuticalness is likely to become an "alternative Magisterium."

Heheheheh... Remember, you heard it here first!

Busy, Busy, Busy...

Unusually, I was too tired on Friday to blog about the Faith Summer Session. I like to try and get my blog posts in quickly, especially if His Hermeneuticalness or the South Ashford Priest are at the same event, because otherwise it looks as if I'm just copying them... However, I knew that Saturday was going to be a busy day, and didn't want to risk being tempted to blog past my bedtime.

Saturday was wonderful. It started with a mad dash to the dry-cleaners to get some stuff dropped in, and, after a bit of pleading, they promised to have it ready for me before midday. I then made my way to Mass at Blackfen. The Saturday morning Mass is now always in the Extraordinary Form, and I try not to miss it.

I left earlier than usual, though, so as to get back to the dry-cleaners before they closed (they finish early on Saturdays) and also to give me enough time to primp and fluff! Don't panic... no details about hair or make-up shall be forthcoming.

Then it was off to the Catholic church in Eltham, where the eldest daughter of friends was being married. Natalia looked stunning. Her three younger sisters were bridesmaids - and (unspecified) relatives of Phil (the groom) were also bridesmaids and page boys.

We then made our way round to Natalia's parents' house, where the reception was being held. They had a marquee in the back garden... which had a sort of "tardis" quality to it. I've seen the garden (sans marquee) and I didn't think it was that big. But the marquee seemed to go on forever. There were a couple of trees and bushes in the way, but this wasn't a problem... they were simply incorporated into the marquee, and dressed up with fairy lights. The groundsheet produced a curious illusion - you expected the floor to be flat, and then discovered that you were actually standing on a hillock... as a result, several people were staggering around while holding champagne glasses... at least, that's what they all said...

This worked in my favour: my table was the last to get given the starter - some sort of vegetable and cheese tartlet, and, by the time they reached me, a waiter had fallen foul of the flooring and dropped the last batch. I was asked if I would mind awfully having Parma ham and melon instead... as this was far more to my taste than vegetable tartlet, I was able to reassure the waiter that I didn't mind in the slightest.














I spotted the bride standing surrounded by a bevy of friends, and jokingly accused the groom of having abandoned her already... imagine my horror when, smiling broadly, the "groom" said, "Ummm, actually, I'm Phil's identical twin..." Uh-oh. Time to beat a hasty retreat. I was consoled by the father of the bride, who told me that his brother had made the same mistake... Natalia's uncle had been driving down the road to the house when he spotted Natalia's fiancé walking down the street with his arm around a strange woman. Incensed, he'd ground to a halt and charged out of the car to remonstrate with Phil for such caddish behaviour... only to find that it wasn't Phil at all!

I have to say that portaloos will never be the same for me again. We are not talking about rickety cubicles in which there is barely room to turn around, let alone indulge in a spot of moggy-swinging. These were decidedly up-market portaloos - the ladies' consisted of two washbasins, mirrors, and two cubicles with proper toilet paper on rolls and Monet prints hanging on the walls. I found myself wondering if there was a hotel attached...










I had a wonderful time, and I wish the happy couple every blessing for their life together.

The Ceilidh...

Truthfinder, one of my American readers, left a question on my last post: What's a ceilidh?

Put simply, a ceilidh (pronounced "Kay-lee") is the Gaelic equivalent of the English barn dance, and is very similar to American line dancing. In the ceilidh, people aren't all dancing in rows facing the same way... for some dances you have a partner, while others are danced in groups of eight. Also, (this may apply only to the ceilidh's we have at Faith) there isn't a "caller" during the dances - though there is a brief demonstration by "expert" dancers and a quick run-through for everyone of the steps while someone calls them out... and then, once the music starts, it's a bit of a free-for-all.

Some of the dances, as I've indicated, are danced in groups of eight... The great thing about a ceilidh is that you can just dance with anyone, so you don't get wallflowers abandoned at the side of the room looking wistfully on at the action. Anyone can be asked to dance, without the "loaded" meaning you get at a disco. In fact, it can be quite dangerous trying to watch a ceilidh from the side of a room, as a bunch of people, desperate for another person to make up their set, are likely to press-gang you into joining the fun.

The photos I've shown here are actually from one of the Winter Conferences - as I explained in my last post, my mobile died pretty early on in the proceedings - and these were taken with a much less snazzy phone camera.