Wow... I am now averaging 140 visits a day. Not bad, considering that the content of my blog can be summarised briefly as the vague stream-of-consciousness of a thirty-something blonde.
This snippet from Orthometer is another priceless little gem:I was testing the children in my Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven. I asked them, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?" "NO!" the children answered.
"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?" Again, the answer was, "NO!" By now I was starting to smile.
Hey, this was fun! "Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into Heaven?" I asked them again. Again, they all answered, "NO!" I was just bursting with pride for them.
"Well," I continued, "Then how can I get into Heaven?" A five-year-old boy shouted out, "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD."
Kids, gotta love 'em.
No, believe it or not, the sin is not reading the awful rag... apparently, The Tablet considers denial of global warming to be akin to mortal sin...
This isn't in any hymn book I have come across. It is just so beautiful: we had it at the Confirmation Mass as a second Communion hymn. I think it should be more widely known, and so, in honour of my own Guardian Angel (who is probably white-haired and popping valium under the stress and strain of looking out for me) I'm going to share!Guardian Angel from Heaven so bright,
watching beside me to lead me aright,
fold thy wings round me, O guard me with love,
softly sing songs to me of Heav'n above.
Beautiful Angel, my guardian so mild,
tenderly guide me, for I am thy child.
Angel so holy whom God sends to me -
sinful and lowly - my guardian to be,
wilt thou not cherish the child of thy care?
Let me not perish - my trust is thy care.
Beautiful Angel...
O may I never forget thou art near;
but keep me ever, in love and in fear.
Waking and sleeping, in labour and rest,
in thy sweet keeping my life shall be blessed.
Beautiful Angel...
A comment from Augustinus indicated that he enjoyed hearing all the little details of our Confirmation Mass on Thursday night. I was a little tired, and so I had only given some edited highlights... ...and so now I shall fill in a few more details!O purest of creatures! Sweet mother, sweet maid;
the one spotless womb wherein Jesus was laid.
Dark night hath come down on us, Mother, and we
look out for thy shining, sweet Star of the Sea.
Deep night hath come down on this rough-spoken world,
and the banners of darkness are boldly unfurled;
and the tempest-tossed Church - all her eyes are on thee;
they look to thy shining, sweet Star of the Sea.
He gazed on thy soul; it was spotless and fair;
for the empire of sin - it had never been there;
none ever had owned thee, dear Mother, but he,
and he blessed thy clear shining, sweet Star of the Sea.
Earth gave him one lodging; 'twas deep in thy breast,
and God found a home where the sinner finds rest;
his home and his hiding-place both were in thee;
he was won by thy shining, sweet Star of the Sea.
Oh, blissful and calm was the wonderful rest
that thou gavest thy God in thy virginal breast;
for the heaven he left he found heaven in thee
and he shone in thy shining, sweet Star of the Sea.
So worship we God in these rude latter days;
so worship we Jesus, our Love, when we praise
his wonderful grace in the gifts he gave thee,
the gift of clear shining, sweet Star of the Sea.
Deep night hath come down on us, Mother, deep night,
and we need more than ever the guide of thy light;
for the darker the night is, the brighter should be
thy beautiful shining, sweet Star of the Sea.
Truth is definitely stranger than fiction. The Age of Litigation has resulted in some really weird warnings being seen on various products...
If this is true, then it's priceless. I hadn't spotted it in the English news, but that's hardly surprising as I generally try to avoid the British media as I would a dose of the plague... blogs are much more fun!
I haven't done much blogging today... I've been rather busy helping with our parish Confirmation Mass this evening. Unfortunately I haven't got any photos - there's a policy against photographs being taken during First Communion and Confirmation Masses... we had just under 40 candidates being confirmed, and 80 or so flashbulbs going off at various points would have spoiled the atmosphere (which was awesome!)
I was emailed this blog-post on mantillas, in case I hadn't spotted it. I hadn't. It is an excellent summary of why a woman should wear a mantilla in the presence of Our Lord - pretty much what I've said before, (Mhari seems to have drawn on the same sources I did when looking into the issues surrounding the mantilla) but well-worth revisiting...When a woman veils her head she is shielding her heart to be wooed by the love of God in the Blessed Sacrament. This is a mystical ‘country’ that only the Eternal Father may enter. Her veil is like the lighted lamps of the virgins waiting for the Bridegroom, an indication that she is prepared to receive Him at a moment’s notice; an aureole of her spiritual love for the Bridegroom. Wearing the veil is an act of love of God.
It would appear that the traditional Friday Penance (at least in the season of Lent) is taken far more seriously in the USA than it is over here in the UK. Not eating meat on Fridays has all but died out... and, predictably, the emphasis on an "alternative" Friday penance has likewise died a death.
The "WATCH" sign will be displayed in the parking lots and foyers of all churches participating in the program. It is assumed that the priests in these initial parishes are already celebrating a proper liturgy, so the sign will be more for visiting priests who get the urge to "make it up as they go along."
The Gargoyle Code is being decoded at an ever-increasing rate of knots. It seems that Screwtape's colleague is a devil by the name of Slubgrip, and he is sending advice of a diabolical nature to his junior, who bears the name Hogwart.
It still comes in tiny bottles, to emphasise the fact that it is to be used sparingly. The photo shows the bottle next to a couple of yale keys, just to give you an idea of how small it is.
In my misguided youth, I indulged in a passion for make-up. The more garish, the better. I painted my nails in different colours (I did show a little restraint... I limited myself to five colours at a time, so that my hands would match), and went through the ghastly coloured mascara phase... if I fluttered my eyelashes, it looked like a flock of budgies taking flight! No make-up counter could be passed without some little item catching my fancy.
SiteMeter reveals all sorts of fascinating little details. For example, it would seem that just over 8% of my visitors arrive via a search engine, the most popular one being Google (from lots of different countries too!)
Ouch... I am suffering from toothache. It is not excruciating enough (yet) to warrant a visit to the dentist, but it is bad enough to make me hit the ibuprofen and prop a hot-water bottle on my shoulder...
Sophia is making slow but steady progress - she is back out of Intensive Care. She sounds like the sweetest little girl - I was especially touched to read that, when her feeding tube was removed and she had her first proper food, she stopped to say grace (something I often forget!)
Fr. Zuhlsdorf was very tired last night. That might explain why the following snippet on the long-awaited Motu Proprio was posted in such an understated form...Lastly, Msgr. Perl promised to us soon liturgical peace in the diocese of Rheims! Let’s re-examine this last point to announce a great item of news to you! THE MOTU PROPRIO LIBERALIZING THE MASS KNOWN AS THAT OF ST. PIUS V, SO MUCH AWAITED, WILL BE PUBLISHED BEFORE EASTER SUNDAY.
Our Holy Father is holding fast to this [decision].
I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. I immediately ran over and said "Stop! Don't do it!"
"Why shouldn't I?" he said. I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!"
"Like what?"
"Well ... are you religious or atheist?"
"Religious."
"Me too! Are you Christian or Jewish?"
"Christian."
"Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?"
"Protestant."
"Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"
"Baptist."
"Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?"
"Baptist Church of God."
"What a coincidence... Me too! Are you Original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?"
"Reformed Baptist Church of God."
"Oh, boy... Me too! And are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?"
He answered, "Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915!"
To which I said, "Die, heretic scum!" and pushed him off.
It would seem that Fr Longenecker has identified another associate of our old friend Screwtape... possibly related to Wormwood. 
Here's a sweet little vignette courtesy of Scorpion Stalking Duck:A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They shared everything. They talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.
For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover. In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside.
She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000.
He asked her about the contents. "When we were to be married," she said, "my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll."
The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness.
"Honey," he said, "that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?"
"Oh," she said, "that's the money I made from selling the dolls."
Catholic Warrior informs us that March is traditionally the month dedicated to St. Joseph, foster-father of Jesus. He put up a lovely devotion - the seven sorrows and joys of St. Joseph.In our view the Regulations prohibiting sexual orientation discrimination should clearly apply to the curriculum, so that homosexual pupils are not subjected to teaching, as part of the religious education or other curriculum, that their sexual orientation is sinful or morally wrong.
Fr. Zuhlsdorf has posted a prayer to be said over a new computer... and a prayer to be said before logging onto the internet.Loving God and Father, source of all good and knowledge, we praise you for your loving kindness shown to us through your Son Jesus Christ who became flesh and dwelt among us and through your Holy Spirit poured forth into our hearts.
Grant that this new computer may be used in service to you and all truth. May it be an instrument that serves to lift up and not to tear down. May pornography, hatred or any other such evil never appear on this screen.
May I and all who use this computer do so with purity of heart and free from all evil. May my work on this computer serve to glorify your name and build up your kingdom.
Lead us through this life to share in the perfect love and joy you share with Jesus Christ your Son our Lord and the Holy Spirit, one God for ever and ever. Amen.
Almighty and eternal God,
who created us in Thine image
and bade us to seek after all that is good, true and beautiful,
especially in the divine person of Thine Only-begotten Son, our Lord Jesus Christ,
grant, we beseech Thee,
that, through the intercession of Saint Isidore, Bishop and Doctor,
during our journeys through the internet
we will direct our hands and eyes only to that which is pleasing to Thee
and treat with charity and patience all those souls whom we encounter.
Through Christ our Lord. Amen.
Dominican Idaho identified the following site which can check whether your blog or website is blocked in China...
I spotted this one over on Just Doing My Best - and I rather liked the logic... especially as I like all the wrong things and loathe vegetables...
Oh dear ! My nearly-new nephew had to have his shots today. My sister was refreshingly matter-of-fact about it when she was chatting to me on the phone this evening. I was making "aww, bless him, what a horrible thing to have to watch him go through" sort of noises, and she merely pointed out that, "He'll get over it!"
Carolina Cannonball has been having some fun with her clients... Gee, it's great to know that some people really enjoy their work...In the business I am in I deal with lots of unmarried couples looking to co habit. One of our qualifications to rent a property is that an individuals monthly gross income must be at LEAST 3 xs the rent.
The only time we can combine two people's gross income is if they are married.
Most unmarried couples can afford a particular house, but they do not qualify for it. The reason we enforce this rule is because we have seen, in our years of property management services, that a couple will move in together then 6 months later break up. The one person who chooses to stay usually can't afford the rent alone and then they want to break the lease. So we make darn sure if they aren't married they at least make enough money to handle the rental payments alone.
I get complaints on this rule all the time. Couples balk and homos scream discrimination. But I like to have a little fun with this rule. I especially like to torment the men.
Couple: We don't qualify individually, but together we make 3xs the rent
Cannonball: we can only combine married couples income
Couple: nervous silence
Cannonball: Well, you two could always get married and come back. HA HA HA
Women: Yeah, I guess we could
Man: uh... oh... I... um... what?
Cannonball: How long have you two lovelies been together?
Couple: (insert some random amount of time)
Cannonball: Really? That long? What's wrong (glaring at guy)
Man: (deer in head lights expression)
Cannonball: (insane laughter in my head)
Couple: flee from office. Man usually storming out & women following pleading.
BWA HA HA HA HA
UPDATE: Simon-Peter has posted a few more cats... I must have missed it under the penguins. Or, of course, I was so traumatised by the music that I couldn't see straight !! Anyway, I really enjoyed the following pic:
Fr. Longenecker has an excellent post on the grumps and iritability which can pounce as Lent starts to take hold..."...I believe when we really try to pray more we start stirring up some of the smelly, mucky stuff that has drifted down to the bottom of the pond that is our life.
"The Holy Spirit wants that stuff to get stirred up so it can float to the top and be skimmed off at confession. The process, however, makes us grumpy, irritable, confused and spiritually restless."
Working people frequently ask us retired people what they do to make their days interesting. For example, the other day I went downtown and into a shop. I was only there for about 5 minutes and when I came out there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.
I said to him, "Come on, man, how about giving a retired person a break?" He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a "Nazi." He glared at me and wrote another ticket for having worn tires.
So I called him a "doughnut-eating Gestapo." He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he wrote a third ticket. This went on for about 20-minutes. The more I abused him the more tickets he wrote. Personally, I didn't care. I had come downtown on the bus, and the car that I was standing next to (the one he was putting the tickets on) had a bumper sticker that said "Hillary in '08."
I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. It's important to my health.
Just Doing My Best has a selection of classic one-liners guaranteed to make you smile...
This may surprise you, but I do not consider myself to be a liberal... (oh, ok, you'd figured that already?)
Oho, another major Christian Feast coming up... time to jump on the old heresy bandwagon and get some guaranteed publicity.Two German scripture scholars were touring the Holy Land and they ran across an archaeological dig. They introduced themselves to the lead archaeologist, who, when he found out they were scripture scholars, said that they were about to open a tomb that the scholars would find particularly interesting. When they approached the door of the tomb, they saw that the inscription read: Here Lies Jesus of Nazareth. Breathlessly, they waited for the stone to be removed. Gazing inside, they saw the sarcophagus containing a skeleton. One scholar turned to the other and exclaimed, "Mein Gott! He really did exist!"
I spotted this over at the Curt Jester's place... you've heard of K-Mart? Well, now, for all your Lenten needs, I give you "L-Mart" !!X-Ray Vision Glasses
Some parishes start covering statues, images, and crosses on the first day of Lent instead of at least waiting till after the fourth Sunday of Lent or Holy Week. If your parish deprives you early of these worship aids then but a pair of our Lenten X-Ray Vision glasses. We use the same technology used in the new airport security scanner that can see right through clothes and brought to you at an affordable price. Now obviously it would be quite problematic and a deterrent to holiness to see through every bodies clothes. That is why our product has built-in Infrared technology so that the glasses capability is turned off in area where human body heat is detected. This way you can see right through the material covering statues, images, and crosses and also remain pure at the same time.
Sophia was moved back to intensive care. There are several blood clots, some quite large. They formed in the last 4 days, but they are not sure why so they’ll do more testing. Her fever keeps going up and down, last night around 103-104. Today they are going to do a spinal tap, where they take out a sample of spinal fluid, to check for infections. Because of the clots, she needs to be well hydrated so she’s back with an IV. That has caused her face to get really swollen, but that is the least of the concerns, as they were told. She is getting thinning medication every 12 hours, and that is supposed to help the blood flow so that it can go through the clot and open up more collateral blood vessels. They were surprised that Sophia hadn’t had symptoms of the blood clots; they think that she must have a good amount of collateral blood vessels that has kept a good supply of blood going through the brain. Please pray that she’ll come out of this new hurdle okay, that they will find a reason for the fever so that they can treat it.
A friend of mine has started a new blog... newhousenewjob emailed me to say that, having followed my blog for a couple of months and been totally frustrated by not knowing how to post comments, she just had to start one of her own: Just Doing My Best.
I've just upgraded SiteMeter... it now gives me the exact IP address (unique to each computer) of all my visitors. So, if you've ever sent me an email, I have your number...
My profile photo is definitely taken from my most flattering angle, namely the back of my head! Now I see that Northern Cleric has taken a leaf out of my book and posted his own profile photo... and rather snazzy it looks too! I particularly like the cloak...
The Catholic Warrior has tagged me for this one: I am happy to oblige...
Ironic Catholic mentioned that a friend of hers is having a bit of a problem pregnancy, and has been ordered to stay in hospital for complete bedrest.
