Thursday, 7 February 2008

Foot-In-Mouth Disease...

...or the "they opened their mouths and dropped enough bricks to build a cathedral" award...

'Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,'
-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.

'I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,'
-- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

'That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,'
-- A congressional candidate in Texas.

'It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.'
-- Al Gore, US Vice-President.

'Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas.'
-- Keppel Enderbery.

'Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.'
-- Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina.

'If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record.'
-- Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman.

I don't know how genuine these are: they were sent to me in an email... but they made me chuckle so I'm posting them anyway!


Adrienne said...

Too funny! It reminds me of going with my Mom to renew her army ID card. The officer on base asked if my step-dad was 100% disabled. He had been dead for two years. Duh!

Need some prayers sent our way. Thanks

deb said...

These were funny. I don't know if they are true either but weren't they good for a chuckle.

Anonymous said...

Hey Mac, speaking of great jokes, did you hear the one about the Anglican clergyman who publicly commended sharia law for Britain? He's head of the Church of England!

...I'm honestly not sure if one should laugh or cry. But I'm still glad I'm not in that 'church' anymore.

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