Bloggers At Blackfen...

You can see the photos for the High Mass yesterday, and they are well worth a look. I was amused to see that all the bloggers had been singled out for their own photo-shoot...

Left to right we have the Dúnadan (Cally's Kitchen), Fr. John Zuhlsdorf (What Does The Prayer Really Say?), Fr. Nicholas Schofield (Roman Miscellany), Fr. Tim Finigan (The Hermeneutic of Continuity), and, on the far right of the photo, Fr. John Boyle (South Ashford Priest). This was one occasion when I didn't have to endure being photographed: I had already scooted back to school at this point!

Summorum Pontificum And The Cross

We had a High Mass in Blackfen today to celebrate the full implementation of Summorum Pontificum. I was very upset when I realised that the Mass was going to be in the middle of the day: I didn't think that it would be a good idea to ask for an afternoon off school when we'd only just started...

...Imagine my delight when, on checking my timetable, I realised that this would be "Week B" (we have a two-week timetable) and on Friday of Week B I have a couple of free periods either side of lunch. Technically, one of the free periods is a "cover" - this means I could have to cover another absent teacher's lesson, so getting the opportunity to skip out of school wasn't a certainty: however, on the basis that if you don't ask, you don't get, I put in a request to be kept free. And I was hopeful: at this point in the year there aren't usually too many staff off sick.

So today I was able to attend the Mass. It was well attended, and I took a few little snaps with my dinky phone-camera.

Fr. Zuhlsdorf, the author of the blog "What does the Prayer Really Say?" preached the sermon. He pointed out that the Feast of the Exaltation of the Cross was picked deliberately by the Holy Father for the implementation of Summorum Pontificum; and that we remove the mystery of the Cross from the celebration of Mass at our peril. He said a lot more, and as he appeared to have a recording device at the lectern, I'm hoping that a podcast will be available soon. (Ok, apparently not... technology is great, but only when it works. The text of his sermon is available HERE.)

Unfortunately I had only been "let out" for the free periods and lunch. This meant that I had to get back to teach a Year 7 class, and couldn't stay for the reception. That was a bit of a wrench - the place was positively swarming with fellow bloggers... Fr. Tim, Fr. Zuhlsdorf, Fr. Nicholas Schofield, the Dúnadan, Fr. John Boyle, and non-blogging (but much blogged-about) priest, Fr. Richard Whinder; ...and I was delighted to be greeted by Londiniensis (he doesn't have a blog of his own, but comments occasionally.)

Hopefully there will be some more reports about the day. Watch this space.


UPDATE: The Dúnadan has posted his account of the Mass... he seems to have been first off the mark!
UPDATE 2: Fr. Zuhlsdorf has blogged about the High Mass, as has Fr. Nicholas.

Blackfen Blogger Exclusive!

Heheheheh... After Benediction, Jonathan made a few "altar"ations in the church ready for tomorrow's High Mass... Fr. Tim was busy elsewhere, so I've scooped an exclusive!

Here we have the High Altar before Jonathan got to work...


And here we are afterwards:



I decided to try out a few angles. We weren't entirely sure about the flowers, but Hilda, our Sacristan, wasn't around, so we had to make do. It will be interesting to see what she comes up with tomorrow!

Abortion: Is The Tide Turning At Last?

...Probably not. But I was encouraged to read the following articles.

Amanda Platell from the Daily Mail has a good article on why she, as a feminist, believes that abortion should be a last resort, with a reduction of the upper age limit. I do not agree with much of what she has written - for example, I do not believe that quite so many women were killed through backstreet abortions (the majority of which were carried out by "sympathetic" doctors.) But it is interesting to read her comments on how the ready availability of abortion and the view of it as just another form of contraception have turned her against it. She also makes a pertinent point about how abstinance is the best method of contraception, and that the Catholic Church is vilified for daring to say so.

Steve Doughty, also from the Daily Mail reports how 70% of women want to stop abortion after thirteen weeks. Support for limits to the number and time-limit of abortions is apparently coming mostly from women, young people aged under 24, and pensioners.

Finally, there is a poll by the Daily Mail asking about limits to abortion. The first option is actually 0 weeks, but because of the numbering of options it looks like ten weeks. At the time of writing, the poll stood at 42% at zero weeks (ie. no abortion), 43% at thirteen weeks, and 15% want the limit to remain at 24 weeks.

You can see the poll HERE. Twitch of the mantilla to Chris Hack who set up the Post-Faith Conference Pro-Life Support Group on Facebook.

How To Give Your Cat A Pill...

A friend of mine forwarded some photos of reluctant cats being washed in baths. I wasn't too keen on the pictures (and so won't be posting them) but it did remind me of this great set of instructions which did the rounds by email for many years...

How to Give Your Cat a Pill...

1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call friend.

6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get friend to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down, remove ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered Doulton figures from hearth and set to one side for glueing later.

8) Wrap cat in large towel and get friend to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9) Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply band-aid to friend's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10) Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw Tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12) Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.

13) Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed, hold cat's mouth open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet of steak. Hold head vertically and pour pint of water down throat to wash pill down.

14) Get friend to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15) Arrange for RSPCA to collect cat. Ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

While googling for that one, I stumbled upon this genuine piece of advice... I kept waiting for the photo showing the chewed fingers, but I guess that they didn't post that one!

Ooooh, scary!

Not So Innocent...!

Oh bother! I really enjoy "Innocent Smoothies" - I can even tolerate the fact that I might "catch" a vitamin or two... But, I see on Facebook that:

"The Innocent Foundation is a grant giving charity, set up by Innocent Drinks, that works in partnership with community based projects and NGOs.

One of the charities they support is Womankind, a group that promotes abortion."

It's worth telling Innocent that funding abortion (even second-hand) is likely to lose them customers. Not to mention bringing the "Innocent" trademark into disrepute! It is possible to email Linda@innocentdrinks.co.uk or go to the website.

Just To Prove I'm Still Alive...

...I'm too tired to blog, but I don't want to be accused of hypocrisy after binning some of the more inactive blogs on my roll. So I thought I'd share a little kitty-pic...

...and a great Papal-pic...

Twitch of the mantilla to the Curt Jester for the snap of the Pontiff (and Jeff has a brilliant caption for it too!)

Obviously Working Too Hard...

Life has rather overtaken me this week. The new job is taking up all of my mental and physical energy. The school is really great, and I think I will be very happy... and Half-Term is in six weeks.

The fact that my brain is even more scrambled than usual was brought home to me on Friday. There was a bit of a get-together for the staff, and they had a draw for the Rugby World Cup. I decided that I might as well have a bash, and so put my name in.

When my name was called out along with the country drawn, I looked round at the others in my department: "Ok, I know nothing about rugby. Are they any good?"

I was a little taken aback by the mirth. And then my one surviving brain cell kicked in.

New Zealand... also known as the All Blacks. I believe they're "quite good..."

One In The Eye For The "Experts" !

This is really heartwarming - a real bit of good news. There is a salutary lesson in here though: the experts do not always get it right. It is also quite scary to realise that the so-called experts were really putting Aaliyah Hart's mother under tremendous pressure by "offering" her the chance to abort right up until the time of her birth.

Thank God that Aaliyah's mother ignored the experts. Aaliyah started school this week.

Twitch of the mantilla to Newhousenewjob.

SURPRISE ! (Well, Maybe Not...)

Surprise, surprise! The HFEA has decided to give British scientists the green light on the creation of human-animal hybrid embryos for the purposes of experimentation.

Obviously they only did this after much deliberation, and a lengthy consultation with the public. Yeah, right... and I'm the next Pope.

If you don't already know how much emphasis is given by the HFEA to public consultation, might I suggest reading my previous posts: Consultation?? Oh Really?? and Should We Bother To Listen To The Public? (an actual question asked at the consultation meeting!!) According to the Daily Telegraph, the only reason that the HFEA carried out their consultation was because scientists didn't like the results of the first consultation which resulted in a government white paper banning the research (Too many pro-life groups attended, and "skewed" the results. What a surprise: pro-life groups attended meetings in order to defend human life. How very unreasonable of them! Just not cricket, old boy!).

But never mind... the hybrids will be about 99% human (that 1% means that they're not really human, so it doesn't matter if we experiment on them... but there's not enough animal to make them really yucky hybrids and get the animal rights lobby up in arms...), and at least Britain is kept at the forefront of research on cloning. Given the state of government funding for scientific research, presumably the only way we will be at the forefront of anything is by tackling stuff that most countries consider too immoral or too dangerous to touch with a ten-foot barge pole.

Oh, and I would just like to point out that the scientific research carried out in the Nazi concentration camps was considered to be of vital importance by the scientists too...

Aaaarghhhhh!

Despite my best efforts, and the efforts of my Guardian Angel, my worst fears were realised. I had an awful night, and kept waking up every 45 minutes or so... until 4:30am or thereabouts! And then, predictably, I overslept! It wasn't the spectacular oversleeping I have managed on a previous occasion (I woke up this morning at 7am) but I was too late to attend the early morning Mass...

...Somehow I doubt that the loud exclamation of "Aaaarghhh, God in heaven, no...!" constitutes an acceptable form of morning prayer...

Blond Joke (With A Twist)

Just to prove I'm not sexist...

An Irishman, a Mexican and a blond man were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off this building."

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."

The blond opened his lunch and said, "Boloney again. If I get a boloney sandwich one more time I'm jumping too."

The next day, the Irishman opens his lunch box, sees corned beef and cabbage and jumps to his death. The Mexican opens his lunch, sees a burrito and jumps too. The blond opens his lunch, sees the boloney and jumps to his death also.

At the funeral The Irishman's wife was distraught: "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage I never would have given it to him again!"

The Mexican's wife was also devastated: "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."

Everyone turned and stared at the blond guy's wife. "Hey, don't look at me" she said. "He made his own lunch!"

It's A Quiet Day, So...

...with nothing much happening here at home (and with me trying to avoid the remaining housework) I thought I'd post another blonde joke...

A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman. "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, "I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied. "Darn, he recognized me," she thought.

So, she went for a complete disguise, haircut and new color, new outfit, big sunglasses, and then waited a few days before she again approached the salesman.
"I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied. Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?"

"Because that's a microwave."

Knock, Knock, Knocking On Heaven's Door...

Lots of people need prayers right now. So, of your charity, can you pray:

For Audrey, who is being put under incredible pressure to have an abortion, and who is talking to Sister Roseann.

For Kerry-Anne, who was thinking about an abortion, but so far hasn't gone through with it.

For Jess and her unborn child (Jess took the first dose of the abortion pill and then couldn't continue...)

And finally, for A Thorn in the Pew who is pregnant, but has been experiencing difficulties with the pregnancy.

Time to besiege the Pearly Gates: and we have a few "double agents" who can be called upon to help us storm heaven...

Mary, Mother of God, pray for us.
St. Michael the Archangel, pray for us.
All Guardian Angels, pray for us.
St. Gerard Majella, pray for us.
St. Raymond Nonnatus, pray for us.
St. Margaret of Antioch, pray for us.
St. Catherine of Sweden, pray for us.
St. Gianna Molla, pray for us.

VIRUS ALERT !

There is a particularly virulent computer virus doing the rounds. It is vitally important that the source of this virus is discovered, because it is really awful. Warn all the people in your addressbook to be on the lookout for any suspicious email attachments...



If you don't believe me, just look what it did to my mouse...

Happy Feast Day

Today is the feast day of my patron saint. St. Anne Line shares her feast with two other great martyrs: St Margaret Clitherow and St. Margaret Ward. I was advised to take one of the English women martyrs as my patron when I dedicated my life to God as a single woman living and working in the world. I felt that Margaret Clitherow, as a wife and mother, wasn't quite right as a patron. I knew very little about Margaret Ward, but had the idea (perhaps wrongly) that she was very young.


Anne Line, on the other hand, was a more mature woman. She was a convert, and was disowned by her family. She married Roger Line, another convert, but he was forced to flee the country to avoid arrest, and he died very shortly afterwards, so their married life together was brief. To keep body and soul together, Anne worked as housekeeper for Fr. Gerard - keeping a safehouse for any Catholic priests who needed shelter. She adopted the pseudonym "Mrs Martha" (something I only just found out) and took private vows (in much the same way as I have.) What really drew me to her was the retort she gave on the scaffold before she was hung:

"My Lords, I am accused of harbouring a Catholic priest. So far am I from repenting that I would I could have harboured a thousand."

No chance of her being content with a Church with fewer priests and lots of lay "ministries" - for her, the issue was clear: no priests = no sacraments = no Church = no salvation. We need more women (and men) in the Church who realise that their God-given vocation involves doing things that only lay people can do, not doing the priest's job for him!

(BTW, you can read a previous post I wrote on my pilgrimage to find out more information about St. Anne Line.)

Vatican Airlines

I want to fly Vatican Air. Maybe our Parish Pilgrimage next year can go to Lourdes via Rome... I'm sure no-one will mind having to change planes...

The Curt Jester outlines the advantages of travelling with the Vatican Air Service... I particularly liked:

When boarding you always have to enter through the "narrow gate."

Dominicans, Franciscans, Carmelites and males from some other orders are eligible for Frequent Friar Miles.

Flight insurance includes a fund that will pay stipends to a monastery of your choice that will have Masses said for you in case of a fatal accident.

If Vatican Air loses your luggage St. Anthony is immediately invoked.

More Nightmares...

...but not mine! Yesterday, before going to visit my sister, I went in to school to deposit a few necessities (coffee machine and accoutrements) and to take possession of my desk in the Science Faculty office. Imagine my delight when the three teachers in the office also mentioned that their own pre-term nightmares had started!

Nephew Update

My nephew is now 8 months old, and totally gorgeous. He hasn't quite mastered the art of crawling yet... he can only crawl in reverse, pushing himself backwards with his hands (my sister is toying with the idea of attaching a duster to his bottom and letting him polish the laminate floor for her!)

He is very much "daddy's boy" - there was much cooing and chuckling (he chuckles a lot) for his mother, but he goes into transports of delight when his dad gets home. I was amused to hear this (previously) elegant and sophisticated couple refer to themselves as "mumsy-wumsy and daddy-waddy" but as long as I don't become "auntie-wantie" I'm happy!

A View To A Cull...

Heheheheh... couldn't resist the play on words. But seriously... I decided that the blogrolls were getting to be slightly cumbersome. I have been through the lists, and have ruthlessly deleted any blog which hadn't been posting recently. I was tempted to be even more ruthless, and remove any blog which hadn't recently posted anything of interest to me personally, but then decided that might be a bit foolish - as all of the blogs on my roll have posted at least one item of interest in the past, and they probably would again...

However, if I have deleted your blog, and you think this is unfair, just let me know, and I'll consider re-instating you!

Just A Little Reminder...

...why I love Chemistry so much!


Twitch of the mantilla to Fr. Erik for reminding me about this brilliant series...

Unlucky For Some...

With my cat fixation, no doubt I would have been burned as a witch back in the mists of time... but by the Protestant hordes rather than Catholic ones - it is my understanding that witch-burnings didn't really get under way until the Reformation, and they were by the secular authorities!

If you don't believe me, read the following quote from Jenny Dobbins, a historian (and herself a wiccan)...

"When the Church was at the height of its power (11th-14th centuries) very few witches died. Persecutions did not reach epidemic levels until after the Reformation, when the Catholic Church had lost its position as Europe's indisputable moral authority. Moreover most of the killing was done by secular courts. Church courts tried many witches but they usually imposed non-lethal penalties. A witch might be excommunicated, given penance, or imprisoned, but she was rarely killed. The Inquisition almost invariably pardoned any witch who confessed and repented."

Twitch of the mantilla to David (on whose site I found the quote.)

But I digress. Apparently there is some scare story out (at the Curt Jester's) and about (at Fr. Ray's) blaming the Catholic Church for killing black cats. The Italians are, according to some sources, very superstitious, and consider black cats to be unlucky. Now, maybe I have missed something here, but how, exactly, did "superstitious Italians" suddenly equate to "the Catholic Church"?

Nevertheless, I shan't be bringing any Italians home to meet Sylvester... just in case!

Sisters In The News

I spotted this over on the Sisters' blog... it's an interview given by Sister Andrea Fraile, one of the Sisters of the Gospel of Life, about life as a 30-something woman. Sister Andrea and Sister Roseann are good friends of mine (yes, I'm name-dropping!) and the work they do for women with crisis pregnancies is truly awesome. Keep them both (and their fledgling Order) in your prayers.

More Blonde Jokes...

Dave, a friend who knows my predilection for blonde jokes, sent me the following two nuggets:

A newlywed blonde went to a store to ask how to operate the new coffeemaker received as a wedding gift. The salesman carefully explained how everything worked; how to plug it in, set the timer, go to bed, and upon rising, the coffee would be ready.

A few weeks later she was back in the store, and the salesman asked her how she liked the coffee maker.

"Wonderful!" she replied, "But... it's just awfully inconvenient to have to go to bed every time I want to make a pot of coffee."

And then...

Q: Why is the average IQ so high in Japan?

A: Have you ever seen a Japanese blonde?

I'm blonde. I find blonde jokes funny. Usually I'm feeling slightly smug, because we all know that blondes aren't really thick. But occasionally one of our number perpetuates the blonde myth...


Twitch of the mantilla to the Catholic Caveman.

Heaven Or Hell...?

Fr. Tim is constantly telling me that I wouldn't oversleep (or run the risk thereof) if I went to bed earlier. I'm very much a "Night Owl" so I'm not totally convinced... He's just put up an account of his latest retreat at Pluscarden, noting that the monastic chanting of the psalms is a foretaste of heaven...

...ummm, chanting anything at 4:45am is more like my personal idea of hell!

Woo Hoo !

Yippee... I have finally cracked the 40,000 visitor mark. It should have been earlier in the week, but I wasn't in the mood to post anything much, and numbers tailed off just a wee bit.

Visitor 40,000 was, as you can see from the screen shot below, from Cincinatti, Ohio in the USA, and he/she/it popped over about two-and-a-half hours ago... while I was visiting my friend Leutgeb to give some technical advice. So, whoever you are, welcome to my blog, and thank you for visiting. You win a Hail Mary said for your intentions (or an Ave Maria if you prefer!)

Encouragement

The great thing about the Blogosphere is how encouraging it all is. The trendy-libs haven't got anything to say (on the whole) because they might offend someone if they imply that they have a definite opinion on anything (except for pointing out that everything pre-Vatican II was a disaster and ignorant and superstitious and...)

That leaves the field wide open for the Traddies. Among the Traddies you have all the orthodox clergy and seminarians (mainly because the majority of the trendy clergy are too old to know how to use a computer, and there are very, very few trendy seminarians because the lefty-trendies don't really feel comfortable with a ministerial priesthood which excludes women and condemns gay sex); you also find the Traddy families, which are often silent hymns of praise to the Church's teaching on marriage and the family: ie. more than 2 children.

Twitch of the mantilla to Karen for finding "the Mom," a mother of five who has been lurking around the Blogosphere since January but has only just started her own blog: Shoved to Them. The rather odd title refers to a saying of her Nanna's: "One day God will have enough of your foolishness and demand that you hit your knees before Him. You can either do it willingly or He will put his hand upon your head and shove you to them." I like that quote. It sums up my own Damascus Road conversion (technically a reversion, but you catch my drift!) as I feel that God "lost patience" and finally took me in hand.

Another new blog to surface is written by a young music teacher: Leutgeb is the author of Bara Brith (another strange title for a blog - it refers to some sort of spotty Welsh bread favoured by the author's father.) A particular idiosyncracy of Leutgeb's seems to be the need to mention food in each of her posts (four out of four to date!) so she is obviously a woman after my own heart.

Anyway, new blogs always need more encouragement, so pop on over and say hallo.

Nightmares

As the end of the Summer Holiday approaches, I can feel my anxiety levels increasing. I have a terrible fear of oversleeping, made worse by the fact that, left to my own devices, I would probably spend 20 hours under the duvet, surfacing at about 8pm. This term, my oversleeping anxiety is slightly heightened by the fact that I am due to start at a new school.

I can tell that it's nearly the end of the holiday: I have had my first nightmare... I dreamt that I overslept and completely missed the first day of term. I woke up thanking God that it was at least just an INSET day, so I hadn't actually missed much...

I have the ability to turn off alarm clocks in my sleep. I've tried putting them right next to my head, but that makes it too easy to switch them off. I have put them a reasonable distance across the bedroom so that I have to get up to switch them off, but I then seem to be able to ignore them. Notice that I refer to alarm clocks in the plural. I have a small travel alarm clock (saved for term time and important events), my mobile phone alarm, my old mobile alarm, a radio alarm and an old-fashioned fire-bell type alarm clock. And if it's a really important event, then I can arrange for a wake-up call from my landline phone operator...

Paranoid? Moi?? No, just careful.

The first day back after one Christmas holiday, my then single alarm clock went off. I switched it off, got up, washed, did my makeup and got dressed. I drove in to school, and wearily made my way into my Science lab. The first class came in, and I started to teach them something or other (I forget what.)

In the middle of the lesson, the telephone rang. Now this was a little unusual, not least because I didn't actually have a telephone in my lab, but I answered it anyway. A voice on the other end of the line told me that it was the Head's PA. She asked if I was actually going to come in to school that day...

This was really bizarre. I retorted, "I am in school, I'm..."

It was at this point that I woke up. At home. In my nightdress. On the phone (which was in the spare room) with the Head's PA on the other end of the line...

What Kind Of Sandwich...?

You Are a Club Sandwich

You have a big personality. It's hard for anyone to ignore you! You dream big. You think big. And you eat big. Some people consider you high maintenance, but you just know what you want... and when you want it. Your best friend: The Tuna Fish Sandwich Your mortal enemy: The Salad Sandwich

What Kind of Sandwich Are You?

Mantilla twitch to the Thorn in the Pew.

New Blog...

Mantilla-twitch to Carpe Canem for finding Tigerish Waters, who describes her vocation as being one half of a married couple. She hasn't been going long, but I like what I've seen so far...

How About...

... a little Caption Competition? I thought "Mutton dressed as the Lamb of God" was rather appropriate, but I'm sure you can come up with better ones!

Twitch of the mantilla to A Thorn in the Pew.

Too Tired To Blog?

I seem to be out of ideas today!

Cats & Dogs Compared...

Sylvester, my cat, has just come in and demanded attention from me. He sat on the armchair and miaowed loudly, and then moved to lean on the computer table and head-butt me. I realised at this point that he wanted me to dry him off with a towel or something. I got off lightly - normally he comes in at 3am demanding to be dried off, drenching the bedclothes in the process.

I didn't have my camera handy, so missed the photo opportunity. However, googling "wet cats" brought up some amusing items...

Dear Pet Owner,

Cats and Dogs need different handling techniques...

Dog Washing Instructions

1. Wait for a hot Summer day. (Do not wash in Winter.)
2. Outside, turn on grass sprinkler.
3. When dog finishes playing with sprinkler, give dog big juicy bone to chew on until dog is done drying.

The 12 Step Cat Washing Program

1. First, thoroughly clean the toilet, remove the topmost lid covering the tank of water, and turn off the cold-water hose to the toilet.

2. Next, warm up 4 gallons of water to bath temperature. Flush, and add half the water to the tank.

3. Then, raise both lids, add the rest of the water directly to the toilet bowl, and add an ample amount of shampoo to the water.

4. Find a ball of string and entice the cat into the bathroom.

5. Close the bathroom door, and continue petting the cat.

6. In one swift move, pick up the cat, and drop the cat into the toilet bowl, closing both lids.

7. Jump on top of the toilet lid to prevent the cat from escaping.

8. CAUTION: Avoid placing any of your body parts near the edge of the toilet to avoid flailing claws reaching between the toilet and lid.

9. The cat will self-agitate and generate ample sudsing action. (Ignore ruckus from inside toilet, cat is enjoying this.)

10. Flush the toilet twice for a quick rinse or 4 times for an effective power rinse cycle, depending on the cat's fur cleaning needs.

11. Clear a path of open doors from the toilet to outside, and then jump off of the lid. CAUTION: Jump away from the bathroom door.

12. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet to the outside. Air dry time: about 20 minutes.

Yours sincerely,
The Dog

Another Oldie-But-Goodie...

I have spotted this several times over the years, and I think it's brilliant.

Letter from a 98 year old woman to her bank manager.

Dear Sir,

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my cheque with which I endeavoured to pay my plumber last month.

By my calculation three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his having presented the cheque and the arrival in my account of funds sufficient to honour it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement, I admit, which has only been place for the last 38 years.

You are to be highly commended for siezing this brief window of opportunity and also for debiting my account £20 by way of penalty for the inconvenience experienced by your bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I notice that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.

From now on I, like you, choose only to deal with a 'Flesh and Blood' person. My Mortgage and Loan repayments will herefore and hereafter no longer be automatic but will be presented to an employee of your bank, whom you must nominate.

Be aware that it is an offence under the Postal Act for any person other than the nominee to open such an envelope.

Please find attached an Application Contact Status form which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry that it runs to 12 pages but in order that I know as much about him/her as your bank knows about me there is no alternative.

Please note that all copies of his/her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation must be accompanied by documented proof.
In due course I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in any dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be any shorter than 28 digits, but again, I have modelled it on the number of buttons that I have to press required for me to access my account. As they say, "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery".

Regrettably. but again following your example, I must levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

Your humble client,

Dorothea Lacey-Cotta

Mantilla-twitch to Philip at Carpe Canem.

Latin Grammar And Document Integrity

Heheheheh... a while back, I was chatting about blogging matters, and I happened to mention Philip Andrews' blog, Carpe Canum. It was mentioned that it should read Carpe Canem (something to do with a minor point of grammar, innit?) As I know even less about Latin than Philip, I decided that it was none of my business, and I would keep very, very quiet.

I was amused today to notice that the title bar has been changed, and the blog title is now "Carpe Canem." There have also been a couple of jokes in various com-boxes about accusatives, datives, declensions (or whatever... I said I knew nothing about grammar) so I deduce that someone on the blogosphere finally decided to point out the error...

I find this especially amusing because ICEL claim that they don't want the translations of texts for things such as the new Missal to appear on the internet because they are concerned for the accuracy of translation and preserving the integrity of the texts...

...I'd have said that the one place you can't have typos (there are loads in the Breviary) or inaccurate or misleading translations for any length of time would be the internet... there are always hoardes of people who will be only too happy to comment!

Now I've Seen Everything...

Fr. Justin has pointed out that he saw this sign at a crematorium. He's a priest, so I have to believe him, but...

New Papal Keyboard To Be Issued...

In view of the storm that has been brewing after the publication of a certain book and its endorsement by the Bishops Conference of England and Wales, I thought the Holy Father might appreciate the latest in modern keyboard technology...

Our Lady Altar Yesterday...

Ha, silly me! I was so taken aback by the flat-pack furniture that I completely forgot about the picture I had taken of our Lady Altar, with the statue of Our Lady all decked out for the Feast of the Assumption.

Better late than never, so here you go:

That Time Of Year Again...

This is a blast from my mis-spent youth: I submit it for any youngsters out there who are getting their exam results today (AS and A2 Levels) or next week (GCSEs). They're probably too un-PC for today's television tastes (I think the latest ads for BT show a "typical" modern family - she has children from a previous relationship, he has a wandering eye...) but back in the mists of time, whenever anyone mentioned exams there was sure to be a a chorus of "an 'ology'? You got an 'ology,' you're a scientist..."

I Hate Flat-Pack Furniture !

...well, obviously I don't actually hate it once it's "up and running" - otherwise I wouldn't buy it! I just hate the hassle of having to put it together.

I desperately need more shelf space: I am tired of falling over piles of books. It's not good for the books, and it's not really good for me. The cat is starting to get irritated - I have piles of books on every available surface, including the sofa and the armchairs. This leaves only the chair in front of the computer... and I keep coming along and moving the cat so I can sit down and blog.

I tried looking at ready-made bookcases, but they were all terribly expensive: one bookcase would have cost about £130. And then I would have had to pay the delivery costs. I bought four flat-pack bookcases for £80...

...but now I need to unpack and assemble them... the problem is, first I have to clear enough floor space so that I can lay all the stuff out! Hmmmn... maybe I'll leave it until tomorrow!

Feast Of The Assumption

I love this Feast. Along with the Feast of the Immaculate Conception, I think it shows the most amazing love of Jesus for his Mother.

To paraphrase Scott Hahn, if you could choose your own mother, wouldn't you make her the most perfect human being on earth, and want to preserve her from any stain of Original Sin? Likewise, at the end of her life, wouldn't you want to prevent your mother from experiencing the pain of death (caused by the separation of soul and body)?


Well, Jesus could... and did! Wow, he has style!!

Yes, We Have Some Standards...

As Ttony of the Muniment Room points out, it starts here. At least this Catholic Adoption Agency has decided to stick to its principles, and will refuse to place children with homosexual couples. However, under the current UK legislation, this means that the Agency has to stop placing children with anyone... how very, very sad!

The Point Of Catholic Education?

When I first decided that teaching was my vocation, I was convinced that Catholic schools were a great thing. Good discipline, good results, and good moral standards. And while there were plenty of state schools which could provide good discipline and good results, the Catholic schools won hands down on the moral teaching. After all, they were promoting the teachings of the Church, handed down by Christ to his Apostles...

I wasn't totally naive: I knew that many teachers failed to live up to the teachings of the Church in their everyday lives: but, well, we're all sinners... and at least the party line was that there was an ideal which should be striven for.

I soon realised that this was far from true. In my experience, in most secondary schools, the teaching of the Church was presented, at best, with a rather apologetic air, a sort of "this-is-what-we're-supposed-to-say-but-we-don't-really-believe-it" attitude. At worst, the teaching was derided as "unrealistic and medieval."

Having experienced this first-hand (I was threatened with disciplinary action for bringing the school into disrepute after I protested publicly about the promotion of condoms and the morning-after pill in sex education lessons) I began to have my doubts about the rationale behind our Catholic schools. However, most people assured me that the primary schools were still worth keeping.

The discovery that Channel 4's highly sexually-explicit and quite revolting programme was being used in at least one primary school in Southwark made me question this assumption. And now we have further proof that the raison d'être for our Catholic education system, namely the passing on of the moral teachings of the Catholic Church, has been dealt a body blow.

The Archdiocese of Liverpool has been unable to take action against Charles Coyne, the Head of St Cecilia's primary school, who has registered a partnership with Richard Jones, who is believed to work at a nearby school. Lawyers have told the Church that the Head cannot be sacked. You can read more about it over at the Telegraph.

I was under the impression that, at one time, being in an irregular relationship was a sackable offence for the Head or Deputy Head of a Catholic school (or a Head of RE for that matter.) A civil partnership is, according to the teachings of the Church, a very irregular relationship, and a homosexual civil partnership is even more so.

So, if we can't insist on being allowed to deliver the teachings of the Church to our pupils (as the SORs say this is homophobic and discriminatory... and therefore illegal) and we can't insist on moral standards being passed on by example, then what is the point of Catholic schools?

Ditch them, and use the money for something more worthwhile.

Lump In Throat, Tear In Eye...

Over at the Crescat, Carolina Cannonball and Steve have prepared posts on the martyrdom of St. Maximilian Kolbe and the reactions of Franciszek Gajowniczek (the man saved by the action of Fr. Kolbe) as today is St. Maximilian's feast day. It is very difficult to read either post without getting very, very emotional. Fabulous job guys...

Wow. The Church has such great saints... It makes me proud to be Catholic.

The Wisdom Of Solomon (Or Lack Of It)

I've had quite a few comments indicating disgust, anger, annoyance, disappointment and hurt at the lack of sensitivity demonstrated by the Westminster Cathedral authorities in allowing a film which is so biased against the Catholic Church to be shot in the Cathedral itself, let alone actually saying it is a "must-see" ! I sent a comment to Monsignor Langham, and several others indicated that they had done the same... it would appear that none of these (negative) comments are going to be published...

Now, I wonder: what should one make of a priest who warmly recommends going to see a heretical film?

UPDATE: Not only is the good Monsignor deleting unfavourable comments (I've done that in the past to the occasional rude or completely off-topic comment) but it appears that he's also deleting links - so no-one reading his blog will realise that there is a whole tranch of opposition. How very interesting. Please do go and leave your opinions...

NEW UPDATE: Heheheheh... the links have been re-established. Probably because people are clicking on them from this end (and from Carpe Canum and Gem of the Ocean) - anyone care to lay bets on how long before they get deleted again??

I'm Not A Feminist, But...

...I seriously hope I never meet this chap, or he's going to have to eat his words, teeth, and a knuckle sandwich...

Mantilla twitched in the direction of my favourite Neanderthal, whose attitude to women is actually far less cavemanlike than that of many more liberal types I've encountered... unless those women happen to be the brainless feminazi liberal trendies playing at being stealth-priestesses...!

Animal Or Vegetable...?

Reading Joanna Bogle's post on Bramble Cheese, where she explains the importance of making it clear to children where our food actually comes from, reminded me of a lesson I taught a few years ago.

I was teaching a Year 11 class a unit on something vaguely biological (it was a few years ago, so the exact context escapes me) and I realised that their earlier education had gone seriously astray when I was challenged on the statement that "all food is either plant or animal in origin."

Now Year 11 is the final year of GCSEs, (that's a class of 15-16 year-olds for anyone unfamiliar with the UK educational set-up, or Fifth Year to anyone in Britain who was born before1980!) and since most of this class were planning to leave schooling for ever at the end of the year, I realised that I needed to address the issue before they were let loose on an unsuspecting public...

I ditched the lesson plan and opened a discussion. They weren't having any of it. Food couldn't possibly be from just plants and animals... So, I got them to name some foods, and proceeded to demonstrate that they couldn't find a food which wasn't of plant or animal origin. Pizza was a fairly predictable item. Cornflakes was slightly more worrying. And then one student came up with a blinder: "Hah, tomato ketchup! That's not from animals or plants..." My simple rejoinder, "...And tomato ketchup is made of, well..?" was acknowledged with a triumphant "Tomatoes... Oh, yeah... oops" and a sheepish grin.

I had to restrain myself though. One student wanted to know where spaghetti came from, and I was sorely tempted to say that it grew on spaghetti trees... but they might have believed me!

Solomon's Foot-In-Mouth Saga

Oh boy. The Westminster Cathedral crowd really do seem to have a knack for dropping enough bricks to build... well... a cathedral!

To add to their use of napkins (see my post for a definition) at high-profile events like Corpus Christi processions, the débacle of hosting the launch for Jeffrey Archer's so-called Gospel of Judas, and then the kerfuffle over Taverner's 99 Beautiful Names, they now add another faux pas.

The sequel to the awful film Elizabeth is due out later this year. It will be screened in Canada in September, and over here some time after that. Elizabeth was bad enough: the myths about "good" Queen Bess were perpetuated and a whole bunch of lies about the Catholic Church (including the presentation of a Jesuit priest as a murderous assassin) were presented as absolute fact. The sequel, called The Golden Age, promises to be even worse: it continues with the idea that the Catholic martyrs of the Reformation period were all bloodthirsty murderers, and asserts that the Armada was bringing the Spanish Inquisition along with it (with the implication that this would be a bad thing...)

And now for the rub: they couldn't use the Escorial (not entirely sure why... perhaps the Spanish felt rather more strongly about the lies being perpetuated by the film) so they needed to find a suitable "stand-in." And yes, they picked Westminster Cathedral...

Monsignor Langham actually seems to be pleased about this. And he can't plead ignorance of what was going to be portrayed in the film. The post on his own blog, Solomon, I Have Surpassed Thee, makes this quite clear...

"The trailer is now available; from it one gleans a thrilling, if distorted, version of historical events, and it does appear to perpetuate the myth of 'killer priests'. However, it does look spectacular and evocative, and is a 'must see' for the autumn!"

Oh, right... it distorts the truth and brings the Catholic priesthood into further disrepute among ordinary non-Catholics who don't actually know any history and believe everything they hear on the BBC and read in the papers... but if it's a good film, then it doesn't matter... oh, well, that's okay then...!

Twitch of the mantilla to Carpe Canum.

Brilliant Website Alert

Following my post on the Draft Human Tissues & Embryos Bill, Mark pointed out on his blog that there is a website which allows you to contact your MP directly.

It's a fantastic resource - you type in your postcode, and not only does it tell you who your MP is, it also tells you who your local councillors, London Assembly members (if relevant, obviously), and MEPs are. You can click on the relevant names to send an email. There is also a link to the House of Lords.

The page is called WriteToThem.com, and you can access it HERE, or from the sidebar link.

A Quick Chuckle...

Draft Human Tissues & Embryos Bill

I've already posted my views on the Human Fertilisation & Embryology Authority's so-called consultation about the creation of human-animal hybrid embryos. Now SPUC have produced briefing papers on the Draft Human Tissues & Embryos Bill. I consider it to be diabolical that, in the year of the 40th Anniversary of the 1967 Abortion Act (an Act which allows the killing of 500-600 babies each day), the Government have introduced this new threat against the dignity of the human person.

The briefing papers make it clear why we should fight tooth-and-nail against this bill. The draft bill proposes to:
1. merge the two current authorities (The Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority and the Human Tissue Authority);
2. extend the general scope of in vitro fertilisation;
3. extend the definition of “embryo” to include those created by cloning and other processes;
4. widen grounds for testing of human embryos to decide whether to transfer them to the womb;
5. widen grounds for research on human embryos that are not going to be transferred to the womb;
6. permit the creation of interspecies embryos for experiments;
7. permit gametes (sperm or eggs) to be taken from patients without consent.

In addition, some politicians have indicated that they will try to introduce amendments to this bill aimed at removing current legal restrictions on abortion. Others wish to tighten certain criteria, in particular, the 24 week limit for ‘social’ abortions.

Attempts to link abortion to this bill must be vigorously opposed because:
1. the abortion law could be made even worse than it is at present;
2. the law does contain restrictions and safeguards, which are not, but should be, enforced;
3. there is a large majority of MPs in parliament in favour of extending the availability of abortion even more widely than it is at present;
4. the current Labour government is likely to be sympathetic to attempts to loosen abortion restrictions;
5. attempts to improve abortion law by amendments introduced via a government bill have been tried in the past and have proved disastrous.

Some people might say that it's worth trying for a reduction in the number of abortions. However, I would just like to point out that SPUC's concerns about the Mental Capacity Bill were totally justified by subsequent events: attempts to "agree" to limit legislation of this sort are seen as weakness, and the Government just walk all over any such attempts.

SPUC is asking everyone to write to their MP opposing this legislation. The Briefing Paper which SPUC has prepared can be obtained HERE as a pdf file, and the details of the campaign, and the Annual Conference being held in September can be found HERE.

I'm Just Not In The Mood...

...so I guess blogging will be temporarily suspended until I've caught up on my beauty sleep!