Saturday, 19 December 2009
No, not mine. Much better, trust me!
Patricius, over at Singulare Ingenium, has a Christmas Quiz all about J. R. R. Tolkien, and two of his most famous works, The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings. There are 25 questions, and it's a multiple choice quiz, so you can have a total guess if you're not sure. It's quite a challenge, and there's a prize of a book up for grabs: The Ring of Words: Tolkien and The Oxford English Dictionary.
Go on... you know you want to!
Friday, 18 December 2009
Wednesday, 16 December 2009
Teaching Science can be so much fun...
I was reacquainting myself with this experiment after school today prior to demonstrating it to the students as a special Christmas treat. Despite having done the experiment several times, I have never managed to make the jelly baby scream...
...and yes, that was my evil laugh before dropping the jelly baby into molten potassium chlorate!
Tuesday, 15 December 2009
Earlier in the year, there was an article in The Suppository which was rather uncharitable towards His Hermeneuticalness. So many people felt rather strongly that Damian Thompson and Fr. Z ran campaigns to raise money for some rather nice vestments.
Gaudete Sunday provided the opportunity to bring the vestments out again, and we also were fortunate enough to have a High Mass on the Sunday morning, so the entire kit and caboodle got an airing!
I took photos, keen to see how the "rose" colour would look with my snazzy phone... last year, I had to use my camera phone, and the very small lens has a distorting effect on colour balance.
Monday, 14 December 2009
It seems that the Equalities Commission and the HSE have turned their attention to favourite Christmas songs...
The Rocking Song
Little Jesus, sweetly sleep, do not stir;
We will lend a coat of fur,
We will rock you, rock you, rock you,
We will rock you, rock you, rock you:
Fur is no longer appropriate wear for small infants, both due to risk of allergy to animal fur, and for ethical reasons. Therefore, faux fur, a nice cellular blanket or perhaps micro-fleece material should be considered a suitable alternative. Please note, only persons who have been subject to a Criminal Records Bureau check and have enhanced clearance will be permitted to rock baby Jesus. Persons must carry their CRB disclosure with them at all times and be prepared to provide three forms of identification before rocking commences.
Dashing through the snow
In a one horse open sleigh
O'er the fields we go
Laughing all the way
A risk assessment must be submitted before an open sleigh is considered safe for members of the public to travel in. The risk assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly if passengers are of larger proportions. Please note, permission must be gained from landowners before entering their fields. To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we would request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance.
While Shepherds Watched
While shepherds watched
Their flocks by night
All seated on the ground
The angel of the Lord came down
And glory shone around
The union of Shepherds has complained that it breaches health and safety regulations to insist that shepherds watch their flocks without appropriate seating arrangements being provided, therefore benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available. Shepherds have also requested that due to the inclement weather conditions at this time of year that they should watch their flocks via CCTV cameras from centrally heated shepherd observation huts. Please note, the angel of the lord is reminded that before shining her / his glory all around she / he must ascertain that all shepherds have been issued with glasses capable of filtering out the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and Glory.
Little donkey, little donkey,
on the dusty road,
Got to keep on plodding onwards,
with your precious load
The RSPCA have issued strict guidelines with regard to how heavy a load that a donkey of small stature is permitted to carry, also included in the guidelines is guidance regarding how often to feed the donkey and how many rest breaks are required over a four hour plodding period. Please note that due to the increased risk of pollution from the dusty road, Mary and Joseph are required to wear face masks to prevent inhalation of any airborne particles. The donkey has expressed his discomfort at being labelled 'little' and would prefer just to be simply referred to as Mr. Donkey. To comment upon his height, or lack thereof, may be considered an infringement of his equine rights.
We Three Kings
We three kings of Orient are
Bearing gifts we traverse afar
Field and fountain, moor and mountain
Following yonder star
Whilst the gift of gold is still considered acceptable - as it may be redeemed at a later date through such organisations as 'Cash for Gold' etc., gifts of frankincense and myrrh are not appropriate due to the potential risk of oils and fragrances causing allergic reactions. A suggested gift alternative would be to make a donation to a worthy cause in the recipients name or perhaps give a gift voucher. We would not advise that the traversing kings rely on navigation by stars in order to reach their destinations and suggest the use of RAC routefinder or satellite navigation, which will provide the quickest route and advice regarding fuel consumption. Please note as per the guidelines from the RSPCA for Mr Donkey, the camels carrying the three kings of Orient will require regular food and rest breaks. Facemasks for the three kings are also advisable due to the likelihood of dust from the camels' hooves.
Rudolph the red nosed reindeer
Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer
had a very shiny nose?
And if you ever saw him,
you would even say it glows.
You are advised that under the Equal Opportunities for All policy, it is inappropriate for persons to make comment with regard to the ruddiness of any part of Mr. R. Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr. R. Reindeer from the Reindeer Games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence. A full investigation will be implemented and sanctions - including suspension on full pay - will be considered whilst this investigation takes place.
I do like You Tube. I was chatting with Leutgeb the other day and she reminded me of the quip by St. Thomas More in A Man for All Seasons (it's in the film: I don't know if St. Thomas actually did say it!) where he says to Sir Richard Rich: "Why Richard, it profits a man nothing to give his soul for the whole world... but for Wales?? "
I thought I'd see if I could find the clip, and, sure enough, here it is... among several other witty lines. They don't make films like this any more!