What Goes Around, Comes Around...

I wondered if this would happen.

I have been tagged for the three favourite prayers meme...

It took ten days to make it back to me!

Antidote To The Olympics...

This made me chuckle...



Twitch of the mantilla to the indomitable Anna Arco (although she actually posted it on Facebook!)

Difficulties In Communication...

When I originally got broadband, there was a special offer on the bundle package of internet, phone and cable TV. I soon realised that the TV part of the deal was a complete waste, as I rarely watched it. I then decided that I resented paying the license fee for the anti-Catholic rubbish produced by the BBC. I promptly sent the set-top box and activation card back to the cable company, and gave the TV away.

In common with many teachers, I put off lots of little jobs until the Summer holidays, when I have the time to deal with them. One such item was sorting out the phone and internet package, and I decided that today would be a good time to attend to it.

After negotiating those irritating automated menus (You now have two options. Press 1 if you are ready to gnaw open your radial artery with your own teeth; press 2 if you have given up the will to live...) I got through to a real human being.

I explained that I wanted to arrange the best broadband-only deal, or to arrange a better broadband and phone package deal. I didn't want TV included in the package.

Unfortunately, the human being was working from a pre-arranged script.

"That's ok, the TV package is included free with the phone and the internet. There's no extra charge."

"No, really... I don't want the TV package."

"But it's free. It doesn't cost anything."

"I don't want the TV package. I don't actually have a TV."

"Ummmm...??!  No TV...?? Can I put you on hold for a minute...?"

*Sigh*  We got there... eventually...

Book Alert...

I have a confession to make: I still haven't finished reading Jesus of Nazareth, by the Holy Father. It's on my "to do whilst horizontal" list - unfortunately, if the past few days are anything to go by, I won't get much reading done, as the painkillers tend to make me zonk out as soon as I put my feet up.

The bits I have read are very good, though, so I intend to persevere. I've even downloaded a copy of the audiobook version onto my iPhone, so that if the words start wandering around the page (the painkillers are very good) I can try to listen to it.

Jane, from her Oasis over there in France, reports that the Holy Father is working on a book about the infancy of Jesus. I think that he has a book due out this Autumn - but I wasn't sure if this was the infancy book, or whether it's the third one in the series. I recall reading somewhere that the Holy Father had planned his work to be in three parts, each of which would be capable of being read alone...

Anyway, it looks as if I'm going to have to invest in another bookshelf...

They Made It...!

It seems that the triumphant trio arrived in St. Peter's Square, Rome on Saturday evening.

They made it in 20 days - 19 days if you make allowances for the day they spent in hospital with Gregory after his collision with a lamp-post. I still want to hear how he managed that one.

The trio have been enjoying the sights of Rome, and will be returning to Blighty in a couple of days. There is still time to make a donation via their charity fundraising page, and absolutely all of the money raised will be divided between Mary's Meals and the Cardinal Winning Pro-Life Initiative, as they funded the trip themselves.

Many, many congratulations on this amazing achievement.

Advice From Zephyrinus...

Zephyrinus didn't know how to get the following picture into the com-box. He suggested caution with regard to the painkillers I'm taking...

Ban The Burka?

I didn't comment at the time because I was on a blogging break, but I think it's now time to say my bit on the recent move in France to ban the wearing of the burka.

I have read lots of arguments supporting the ban. The main one seems to be that it's a symbol of the oppression of women. I've also heard the argument that, as it isn't actually prescribed by the Qur'an, the burka should not be seen as an expression of religious observance.

It is true that there may be some women who aren't given a choice as to whether or not they wear a burka. However, I do know that there are women who actively choose this attire. There is a parallel in the wearing of a mantilla in church - an argument against it is that it is a symbol of the Church's oppression of women. I disagree: I understand the wearing of the mantilla to be a sign of reverence and humility before God, and I feel intensely uncomfortable without a mantilla in church. If the burka is being worn for a similar reason, then that freedom of expression should not be taken away.

I think that making the burka illegal is a dangerous route to follow. I wear a crucifix and miraculous medal quite openly over my rollneck jumpers. It is not "required" by the teachings of the Church, however, I would be extremely upset if I were told that I could not wear these symbols of my faith openly, because they might offend someone else's views on what is oppressive.

Today, the burka is being banned. Tomorrow it will be the mantilla, and the day after it will be the crucifix... and then, maybe priests will not be allowed to wear clerical collars in public...

We need to stand up for the right to dress according to our beliefs.

(I might not be expressing myself as clearly as I'd like because of the painkillers I'm on... apologies for the - greater than usual - incoherence!)

How I'm Feeling Today...

'Nuff said...

And Another Blog To Consider...

Catholic of Thule is an interesting blog which has been going since December of last year... though she posts rather infrequently. There isn't much in the way of information about the blog author, but I gather that she likes cats and has a Norwegian connection...

Fantastic Blog...

I have discovered another blog to add to my roll. It is, unfortunately for me, in Portuguese, but Google translate lets me get the general gist of it. Called "The Dignity of Catholic Women," it has all sorts of good stuff on family, modesty, purity and such like.

Go and visit.

Progress Report...

Thank you for all the prayers and good wishes.

I am in a lot less pain than I was two days ago. The painkillers are certainly doing their job, though I'm trying to find that happy medium between not being in too much pain and not being completely zonked. The temptation to do too much is also one to be resisted - I realise that I have to rest my leg, but, living alone means that I have to fend for myself to a certain extent. It's a bit of a balancing act (literally!)

Luckily this happened while I'm on school holidays - therefore my messed-up sleep pattern isn't too much of a problem. I do want to go to daily Mass, so I have the motivation to get up and dressed, but Mass isn't until 10am most weekdays, so no pressure!

In the meantime, when I'm not out of my skull, I can play around with the internet. I managed to set up a small webcam, and now have Skype. I don't make many international calls, and I rarely go over my "free" mobile call allowance, so the money-saving aspect of Skype isn't that useful. However, I do like the ability to see the person to whom I'm speaking, and the opportunity for a conference call has a certain appeal... online Skype blognic, anyone?

Heartfelt Thanks...

I have been overwhelmed by the "get well soon" messages, comments and posts I have received... I feel slightly guilty, because, although it is extremely painful (and inconvenient), a torn muscle isn't actually that serious...

...at least I hope it isn't...

;-)

I shall post again later, but right now the painkillers are doing odd things to my head. I've fallen asleep three times while sitting bolt upright at the computer keyboard trying to write this post. Time for a little nap, I think!

Not A Well Body...

Today was supposed to be the first day of my summer holiday.

I had planned to go to Mass, do some admin to help my Parish Priest (like many teachers, I get a kick out of going through stationery catalogues), sort out some household chores and then have a relaxing afternoon curled up with a book, before heading back to the church to help set things up for a "youth evening" of a talk, Exposition & Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament, Benediction, pizza and a film.

You know what they say about the best-laid plans of mice and men...

The first bit was fine. Fr. Tim had to go off for some appointment or other, and he left me with the aforementioned stationery catalogue, a few files to print out for the Children's Liturgy group on Sunday, and some leaflets for Confession to photocopy and fold... we have three separate leaflets for young children, teenagers and adults, as the examination of conscience is rather different in each case, and I'd noticed that we were running low.

When I finished the tasks, I left the presbytery, locked the door and started to walk towards the church with all the Confession leaflets ready to put into the rack by the confessional. Suddenly, I heard (and felt) a loud "crack" and my right knee gave way. The pain was excruciating, and I couldn't put my foot to the floor. I nearly collapsed, but the wall of the presbytery got in the way, and I manoeuvred myself down onto a step. Out came the trusty mobile phone, and I called for an ambulance.

I was just debating what to do with the leaflets when a parishioner turned up to polish the brasses. I handed them over to her, and she promised to put them in the church

Two hours later, I found myself in the Accident & Emergency department of the local hospital, being introduced to nitrous oxide. As another friend later pointed out, the gas doesn't actually stop the pain, it just ensures that you really don't care about it. I was confronted by a very stern-looking nurse who insisted that I put down the "thing" I was holding (it was my rosary) and take the glass of water and tablets she had brought. I could hear what she was saying, and I really wanted to co-operate, but I couldn't actually get my hands to co-ordinate and I found myself laughing uncontrollably...

The nurse wasn't impressed, and promptly relieved me of the nitrous oxide.

To be fair, she'd probably had a really long and trying day, and a near-hysterical patient who is incapable of coherent speech is probably not the best way to round things off...

Several X-rays and blood tests later, it was decided that it wasn't a fracture or a blood clot, and I'd probably torn a muscle, and I was given a supply of painkillers, anti-inflammatories and muscle relaxants, a pair of crutches, and an appointment at the fracture clinic in seven days, just to see how I'm getting along...

Needless to say, it could have been worse, and I shall endeavour to offer it up for some poor soul... but prayers would be appreciated!

Privileges Of Being A Teacher...

I moan a lot about how hard work is... but then I have days like today, when I realise how much fun teaching can be.

It's the last week of term and we had a visit from a couple of "animal men" who do this sort of educational animal show. I got to see stick insects, cockroaches (ugh... didn't go near them... but at least I managed to stay in the room), scorpions, various hairy spiders of the bird-eating variety (I didn't touch, but I was pretty close), tortoises, turtles, an albino axolotl, cane toads, geckos, a chameleon, a massive lizard that looked like a monitor lizard but wasn't, several large snakes, including a very large boa constrictor which wrapped its tail around my wrist and cut off the blood supply to my hand (it was well over six feet, and took two people to carry it!) and finally a fledgeling tawny owl and a barn owl.

Pretty impressive, and tremendous fun... and I got to help supervise it all morning.

And I get paid for this stuff...

Another Few Blogs For The Roll...

Checking out my Sitemeter stats (and trying not to get too despondent over my recent dip in visitors) I discovered another new blog which shall be added to the roll.

UPDATE: Since I started the post, I've discovered several new blogs (or new-to-me blogs) all of which I feel are worthy of a shout out!

Ecce Homo, written by Clifford Carvalho, has been going since the start of July, so it is a genuinely new blog, and well worth a visit. He had the good taste to take up my prayer meme (he was tagged by none other than Defend Us In Battle.)

While I'm on the subject of new blogs, check out this one too... Protect the Pope is highlighting all the anti-Catholic bias which is building up in anticipation of the Holy Father's visit.

Shadowlands has a great blog, Living In The Shadowlands...

And I have just discovered Once I Was A Clever Boy by John Whitehead - a Catholic historian at Oriel College, Oxford.

Remember to tell them I sent you!

Ouch !

I'm not entirely certain how one of our intrepid trio managed to cycle into a stationary lamp post... no doubt it jumped into Gregory's path...

Seriously, though, Gregory is recovering after a rather nasty collision; he has, however, been told that he cannot cycle for 7-10 days, and so, after a brief stay with some of the Franciscans of the Immaculate, he will be making his way to Rome by train.

Anna-Marie and Joseph, the dynamic duo, will continue to cycle Romewards. You can still donate (out of sympathy) by visiting their fundraising page.

Prayer Meme...

I haven't seen a meme for ages, not counting that one over on Bara Brith, so I decided to start one of my own.

The rules, which need to be posted: Name your three most favourite prayers, and explain why they're your favourites. Then tag five bloggers - give them a link, and then go and tell them they have been tagged. Finally, tell the person who tagged you that you've completed the meme... The Liturgy and the Sacraments are off limits here. I'm more interested in people's favourite devotional prayers.

First prayer choice for me is the Hail Mary - particularly the bit that asks for prayers at the two times we need them most: now and at the hour of our death.

I found myself praying that prayer particularly fervently as I spun round on the motorway after being hit by an articulated lorry... It occurred to me that I wasn't praying to be saved from the accident (which, as it so happens, I was) but rather I wanted Our Lady to be there as I died. After all, one doesn't normally expect to survive turning upside-down on a motorway in the morning rush-hour when one is in a tiny little car. I still don't know which side of the crash barrier I ended up on. I just know that I closed all six lanes of the motorway, both directions... and it took the fire brigade over 45 minutes to cut me out of the wreckage.

Second choice of prayer is the one to St. Michael the archangel. I like the reminder that the angels are fighting to defend us. I also like the reminder that St. Michael triumphs by the power of God - a salutary antidote to the pride of Satan, who would not serve.

My third prayer is the Stations of the Cross - the version by St. Alphonsus, that is. I am not a fan of the modern versions of the Stations which focus on how "some people" are guilty of various sins... usually with a social justice or environmentally friendly slant. "We pray for those who..." is a phrase which annoys me, in what should be a reflection on what I, personally, have done to offend God, and what I, personally, need to address.

Now, limiting myself to five tags will be difficult, but I want to leave plenty of scope for everyone else. I always hate trying to find someone to tag only to discover they've been tagged already... here goes...

First, I shall plump for Leutgeb over at Bara Brith, as she got me thinking about memes in the first place, so it's sort of her fault. Second, I shall pick Dominic Mary from Libera Me, as he's probably at a bit of a loose end now that the elephants have gone. Third is Clare from Battlements of Rubies, for no particular reason other than I'm interested. Fourth blogger is actually a cheat - Joe and Brian from Defend Us In Battle... whichever one of them answers first. Fifth tag goes to Paulinus, In Hoc Signo Vinces, because he used to do lots of memes...

Of course, if you can't wait to see if someone will tag you, you can tag yourself, and mention it in the com-box!

Why?

Why is it that people get so exercised over the Catholic Church's declaration that she cannot ordain women to the Priesthood?

Being a priest is not a simple matter of playing a part, or performing a role. Ordination is a Sacrament which changes the soul for all eternity.

It's got nothing at all to do with power or equal opportunities.

Men and women are equal before God, but that is not to say that they are the same.

What is so difficult to understand about that?

Conform To The Church...

I get so tired of hearing so-called educated people declaring that the Church has to change and move with the times. What they actually mean is that they want the Church to condone whichever sin they have a particular difficulty in overcoming.

I used to have the same attitude. It's what led me away from the Church.

First nail in the coffin: doubting the authority of the Church (I believe in God, I'm a Christian, but the Church just makes this stuff up because it's got a thing about sex being bad... it's just rules made by celibate men in frocks in the Vatican...)

Next nail: the Sacraments are just representations (well, I don't need to go to church, I can pray just as well at home on my own... Jesus is there anywhere I pray)

Next nail: the Bible (don't be silly - that miracle stuff doesn't happen in real life. It's just a myth, a story told to get a point across...)

Then the next nail in the coffin: Jesus is no longer Son of God (you can't believe all that Resurrection from the dead nonsense... Jesus was just a good and holy man... and he wanted us to love each other unconditionally...)

Next nail: morals. (If we love others unconditionally, we won't judge them. It's wrong to judge others. After all, if it isn't hurting anyone, it must be ok...)

And so on, and so on, until finally, God does not exist. We are just the sum of our experiences and biology, and are here for a few years, and that's it. There is no afterlife, therefore the only thing that matters is the here-and-now... and therefore I will do whatever seems good for me, because that's all there is.

My reversion was a bolt from the blue: I knew God existed, I knew Jesus was the Son of God, I knew that he had died for me, I knew that he knew I would reject him, and knowing this he still died for me... and I also knew that he had left the Church as the living deposit of the Truth. I had to make a decision, and it seemed a pretty straightforward one... It's the same decision we all have to make.

Either you believe that Jesus is the second Person of the Trinity, God the Son, or you don't.

If he is the Son of God, then you have to accept what he said, or there are rather serious implications. God cannot lie. So, the Church, founded on St. Peter, has the authority to loose and to bind.

If you call yourself Catholic, you have to accept the teaching of the Church. All of it. No pick 'n' mix. No cafeteria selection of the bits you like and find easy to swallow. It's all or nothing.

If you start to declare that the Church has to change, then you are no longer accepting the word of Jesus Christ... you are effectively calling God a liar.

And you are no longer Catholic.

OSV Great Catholic Sites...

Our Sunday Visitor puts together an annual Catholic Internet Guide, and they are asking for submissions of favourite sites. To encourage participation, if any of your recommended sites are picked, they'll give you credit (either by full name or initials; your choice) and a free copy of the guide.

Note that there is a link at the bottom of the post HERE - I can't give the direct link, as I've completed the survey and you end up on the final acknowledgement page - presumably to avoid multiple entries. Don't leave your answers as a comment on the actual post - they obviously have an automated survey set up. You also need to know the URLs of each of your favourite sites.

Twitch of the mantilla to Joe over at Defend Us In Battle.

Meme With A Twist...

Leutgeb, over at Bara Brith, alerts us to the news that The Suppository is running a series called "What would you say to the Pope, if you had a Private Audience with him?"

She then starts off with what, in my humble opinion, is the most perfect answer.

Definitely Worth A Re-Post...

I posted on this three years ago, and the LOLcat photo caption reminded me of it. I looked up the post on my mobile phone, and started to read it out to some of my colleagues. I didn't get very far, though, because I kept breaking down in tears...

...so I thought I'd share the laughter - it's been a busy day, and I haven't time to blog on anything else.

How to Give Your Cat a Pill...

1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call friend.

6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get friend to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down, remove ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered Doulton figures from hearth and set to one side for glueing later.

8) Wrap cat in large towel and get friend to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9) Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply band-aid to friend's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10) Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw Tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12) Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.

13) Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed, hold cat's mouth open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet of steak. Hold head vertically and pour pint of water down throat to wash pill down.

14) Get friend to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15) Arrange for RSPCA to collect cat. Ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

Pilgrims' Progress...

The intrepid trio are doing pretty well - they crossed the Alps yesterday, hope to be cycling to St Maurice today, and are aiming to be in Italy or somewhere round the border tomorrow.

Wow.

You can check out their progress on the blog, though they are having to use Facebook as well, because the computer they were using wouldn't allow access to the blog.

They have been so encouraged by your support that they have moved the goalposts and upped their fundraising target to £5000... so far they have raised at least £2,407, which is amazing. You can donate online if you still haven't done so.

Juventutem Weekend At Douai Abbey...

I was asked by Damian Barker to advertise a weekend for 18-35 year-olds at Douai Abbey in September.

The weekend will be led by Fr. De Malleray FSSP (head of the international Juventutem Federation) at Douai on 10-12th September 2010. The cost to students will be £25, while for others it is £51; more details can be found on the website, by emailing, or by phoning 07908 105 787.

The Mass on Saturday at 11am promises to be rather special - Ensemble 1685 will be providing the music - and it will be followed by a Marian Procession in honour of Our Lady of Fatima. These events are open to anyone who wishes to attend.

New Blog...

Ok, I'll admit it... it's new to me.

But seriously, this looks like a very good blog indeed... written by Joe and Brian, two "husband-father-attorneys" writing an Alaskan Catholic Blog with a side of Michigan Catholic Blog.

Seeing it was such a good blog, I was heartened to note that my post on angels grabbed their attention.

Anyway, I would advise you to pop on over to Defend Us In Battle, and tell them I sent you!

Moustaches...

I am a tremendous fan of Agatha Christie's novels, especially the ones with Hercule Poirot. I always found Miss Marple a little more difficult to take because of her genteel elderly English spinster ways, but Hercule Poirot, being more Continental, appealed to my nature (I'm half German.)

However, I could never quite picture the moustaches which Christie described as fascinating everyone who saw them. These moustaches made Poirot instantly recognisable... and also made people wonder if he was a hairdresser. Moustaches, in my experience, were simple affairs which adorned a gentleman's upper lip, ranging from Hitler-esque toothbrushes to long caterpillars which extended down to join with a beard. If the moustaches were flourishing, they might be more bushy, as worn by Stalin, but that was pretty much as far as my imagination took me. The film portrayals of Poirot did very little to help. Peter Ustinov, in my opinion, was definitely not Hercule Poirot, and the pictures of him on the cover of my copy of Death on the Nile used to irritate me beyond belief.

When David Suchet started to play Poirot for the TV adaptations, I thought it was a bit closer to the mark. Suchet had succeeded in portraying all the fussiness described by Christie in her novels. But the moustaches still didn't make any sense. Why did Poirot have to struggle to keep his moustaches out of the soup? Suchet's moustaches didn't look as if they would go anywhere near soup unless it was of the cup-a-soup variety...

And then, after the Pontifical High Mass at the end of June, I went to the Buckingham Arms for a little liquid refreshment. As I ordered my pint of "novus ordo Eurofizz" (that's lager, in case you were wondering) I found myself confronted by the most impressive pair of moustaches, I have ever seen... waxed at the points and flourishing profusely... so much so that I asked permission to take a photo.

There is some sort of society for gentlemen who like to grow "proper" moustaches, apparently...