Saturday, 18 August 2007

Cats & Dogs Compared...

Sylvester, my cat, has just come in and demanded attention from me. He sat on the armchair and miaowed loudly, and then moved to lean on the computer table and head-butt me. I realised at this point that he wanted me to dry him off with a towel or something. I got off lightly - normally he comes in at 3am demanding to be dried off, drenching the bedclothes in the process.

I didn't have my camera handy, so missed the photo opportunity. However, googling "wet cats" brought up some amusing items...

Dear Pet Owner,

Cats and Dogs need different handling techniques...

Dog Washing Instructions

1. Wait for a hot Summer day. (Do not wash in Winter.)
2. Outside, turn on grass sprinkler.
3. When dog finishes playing with sprinkler, give dog big juicy bone to chew on until dog is done drying.

The 12 Step Cat Washing Program

1. First, thoroughly clean the toilet, remove the topmost lid covering the tank of water, and turn off the cold-water hose to the toilet.

2. Next, warm up 4 gallons of water to bath temperature. Flush, and add half the water to the tank.

3. Then, raise both lids, add the rest of the water directly to the toilet bowl, and add an ample amount of shampoo to the water.

4. Find a ball of string and entice the cat into the bathroom.

5. Close the bathroom door, and continue petting the cat.

6. In one swift move, pick up the cat, and drop the cat into the toilet bowl, closing both lids.

7. Jump on top of the toilet lid to prevent the cat from escaping.

8. CAUTION: Avoid placing any of your body parts near the edge of the toilet to avoid flailing claws reaching between the toilet and lid.

9. The cat will self-agitate and generate ample sudsing action. (Ignore ruckus from inside toilet, cat is enjoying this.)

10. Flush the toilet twice for a quick rinse or 4 times for an effective power rinse cycle, depending on the cat's fur cleaning needs.

11. Clear a path of open doors from the toilet to outside, and then jump off of the lid. CAUTION: Jump away from the bathroom door.

12. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet to the outside. Air dry time: about 20 minutes.

Yours sincerely,

The Dog

6 comments:

gemoftheocean said...

A "keeper" for sure. MY that is the crossest looking kitty I've ever scene. Good job finding him, you must have had a blast looking through all the candidates to come up with this one!

Mark said...

Oh dear! I just remember the last time we tried to bathe our cat, she seemed to grow legs, length of leg, and supernatural strength.

Philip Andrews said...

Not my Siena - she adores cats and almost all other animals. The only exception are foxes. This leads me to conclude that before being dumped, she had been a farm dog who protected the chickens from the wicked foxes.

Signed: Seize the old man (I love that one!! :-) )

gemoftheocean said...

oops! "Seen" not "scene" - forgive me, I was thinking about the Bard about the same time I posted that!

Adoro te Devote said...

Oh, my goodness! ROFL! Thanks!

I have a dog...she LOVES sprinklers, which means I have to tug her away from thm! I did use one once to clean off a different dog who was somewhat indifferent to them.

I'm pretty sure my dog would destroy the sprinkler if I let her at it unbridled, though.

And I helped a friend bathe her cats a couple times...I like the toilet technique, but of course, CLEANING the toilet first is quite necessary. ! LOL!

PBXVI said...

ROFL!!! This was sooo funny! I guess this could also go as a "blonde IQ Test".

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