Customer Relations DepartmentYe Olde True Love Gift ShoppeSanta's Grotto, North PoleDear Sir,Your increasingly strident demands for various items to be sent to your true love have resulted in Miss L. Toe being signed off sick due to stress.Having seen the latest item you have ordered, I am not surprised. While we would have no problems in supplying you with a goose, your stipulation that the goose should be a-laying is, we feel, somewhat unreasonable. How, for example, is one to prevent the egg from smashing in transit?Even if we could comply with this requirement, the chances of getting six geese in this condition, after so many people have opted for goose as their Christmas dinner, is, I would say, minimal. Ditto turkeys, so don't even consider it.Yours faithfully,Mr. E. Guest.