Time For Dessert...

I like to eat out. Unfortunately, since watching this clip from Smack the Pony, I have developed a tendency to score the waiters and waitresses on their "dessert faces" and try to assess whether they've been on the training course...

...This has the unfortunate consequence of making me dissolve into fits of giggles when I'm asked if I'd like to see the dessert menu.

Women Drivers...

It is a well-known fact that women are terrible at parking cars. Obviously, this is a huge generalisation, but like the so-called "old wives' tale" about wet and windy weather sending children round the bend (even recognised by teaching unions and mentioned in their literature when I was training!), there is enough truth in it to cause insurance companies to offer lower-cost insurance to women. Female drivers are more likely to have low-cost bumps and scrapes when parking, whereas men tend to go in for the higher-speed collisions.

I'm not brilliant at parking. I'm convinced that it is something genetic - women's brains are just wired up differently. We're less spatially aware than men. We are, however, much better at everything else...

Each morning, I walk through a car park (belonging to another organisation.) At the time I walk past, there are no cars parked yet. On two occasions this week, a car has actually driven in, and parked up. Each time something very close to the following scenario actually happened...

Yes, it was a woman driver. Yes, she actually got out to check the lines, and got back in again... She did succeed in parking eventually...

Evangelium 2012...

I see that Evangelium have uploaded a very good video trailer to advertise their Summer Conference. The conference is to be held at the Reading Oratory School Friday 3rd - Sunday 5th August, 2012. The theme is explaining the Catholic faith in the modern world.

You can book online or download a form by visiting the Conference Booking page. It looks marvellous, and I'd love to go, though I doubt I could convince anyone that I fitted into the target age-bracket...

A Chant Training Day & Mass

I've been asked to let people know that the Southwark branch of the Latin Mass Society is having a Mass offered for the intentions of all local LMS members. It will be a Solemn Mass for the Feast of the Apparition of the Blessed Virgin Mary Immaculate in St George's Cathedral, Southwark on Saturday 11 February 2012 at 10:30am, with Gregorian chant sung by the Cathedral Choir.

On the same day, there will be a Gregorian Chant Training Day with tutors Nick Gale and Mark Johnson. The schedule will be as follows:

11:45 Course begins, registration, plenary session with Nick Gale
13:00 Lunch (bring packed lunch)
13:45 Chant Course afternoon sessions (Nick Gale and Mark Johnson)
15:30 Break
15:45 Rehearsal for Vespers
16:30 First Vespers of Sexagesima
17:00 Ends

Cost for Gregorian Chant Course: £15 (£10 LMS members)

To register interest for the Gregorian Chant Training Day please send an email.

Picking The Brains Of The Brethren...

Zephyrinus (the blogger, not the Pope) needs a little help in tracking down some information, and I was sure that someone "out there" in the Blogosphere would be only too eager to share their expertise.

I took the photos with my Galaxy Nexus phone camera, but they're quite good quality, and you can get a proper close-up look by clicking on the photos themselves (I loaded them up onto Flickr, again with my snazzy phone, not a USB cable in sight...)

Zephy acquired the vestments some time ago, and he can't remember where, and doesn't know anything of their history. He has a suspicion that they might be French in origin, but that's it. They are rather fine vestments, and he's keen to find out anything he can...

Any ideas? If you have, pop them in the combox...

The Next Guild Meeting...

The next meeting of the Guild of Catholic Bloggers is to be held on Saturday 18th February 2012, at Our Lady of the Rosary Church, Blackfen.

Details of how to get to Blackfen are on the Parish website. Details of the day can be seen by clicking on the poster...

I love the fact that we're in Blackfen again (it's rather convenient for me, obviously, and we've got everything "on tap" so to speak!) However, we might need to think beyond London for the next meeting. In the interests of ecumenism, I shall suggest a trip to Husborne Crawley, to visit the Beaker Folk. I have a hankering to see what colour the Moot House door actually ended up...

Teacher Talk...

Teachers often get to hear the weirdest things... and sometimes repartee between students and staff can elicit a chuckle or two.

Occasionally things descend to pure slapstick.

For example, I had to help supervise an AS Biology practical when a girl put up her hand for assistance. As I approached, I noticed that she was standing with crossed legs, and appeared to be in some discomfort. I assumed she needed to go and "powder her nose." After all, the practical had been going on for two hours.

I had failed to take modern fashions into account.

"Miss!" she hissed, "Help! My boot chains have become locked together, and I'm stuck..."

I'm afraid that I couldn't help sniggering...

Illegal Activity...

It seems that I am breaking Austrian law...

...I like to tell blonde jokes, which is apparently a no-no in Austria, just in case hordes of blondes feel marginalised and resort to terrorist measures.

Matthew Archbold's view: "Just imagine an army of Miss South Carolinas plotting your demise. Just imagine the fun of what they'd come up with."

It rather reminded me of the old joke: What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
Simple - run like hell, because she's holding the grenade...

Ooops. I think that makes me a repeat offender. I better hope that we don't have an extradition treaty with Austria...

A few more photos...

I took these photos from the monthly Missa Cantata on the first Saturday of the year - the photos are extremely clear compared to ones I've taken on the iPhone, as I said, though these ones are helped by the fact that they were taken in daylight...

The more I play around with the new phone, the more I like it. I did like the iPhone, and I miss the wide selection of apps, but I am just so relieved that iTunes is no longer something with which I have to battle...

Epiphany...

The Epiphany was celebrated over a week ago according to the EF calendar, but that is actually only just over a week ago, so I feel that I can still put up a few photos from the Mass we had at Blackfen...

Given that work has been extremely hectic, I forgot to pack my camera, therefore, I took photos on my dinky new Android phone. The Galaxy Nexus camera is only 5 MP, but the "instant capture" facility it boasts means that the picture is miles better than any of the ones I took on my iPhone...

The first one is taken on the zoom setting, so is slightly blurry...

The Schola Sanctae Scholasticae (that's their unofficial title, as the one they've been using was actually grammatically incorrect) sang the Mass propers - and very beautiful they sounded too.

We were delighted to be able to welcome Fr. Simon Heans. Fr. Simon is a priest of the Ordinariate of Our Lady of Walsingham, and he'll be celebrating Mass at Blackfen every now and then...

After Mass there was the blessing of chalk. The chalk then becomes a sacramental which can be used to bless one's house by writing the year and the initials of the wise men - 20 M+C+B 12 being this year's inscription - while saying some prayers.

I made sure we had plenty of chalk at Blackfen...

A Blogging Hiatus

I've been rather busy this past week, and so, despite having lots to post about, I just have not had the time. I'm putting up this photo as a sort of test of the Android app for Blogger, as a promise of posts to come...

Time & Relativity...

I made a remark to a friend recently about how I felt that time was speeding up. It was pointed out that this is, in fact, perfectly reasonable. When you are a toddler, a year is a huge proportion of your life - perhaps a third of it... and, by the time you are ten, that same year is only a a tenth of your time on earth. In your thirties and forties, that year is a much smaller proportion of the life you have experienced, and so it seems to be shorter... therefore, as you get older, the years pass more rapidly... so time speeds up!

I was reminded of the child's view of time earlier in the week...

Questioned in class by a Year 7 (First year of Secondary School - about 11 years old) "How old are you, Miss?"
My standard reply - "I'm very old... very, very old!"
First child turns to another and remarks as an aside: "Hmmm... very old... so she must be 37."

That child has a future in the diplomatic service if I'm not mistaken...

A Little Diversion...

Occasionally, something hits the news at just the right time to support one's teaching, and suddenly Science seems to be "relevant."

No, my students would not be interested in the annual meteor shower which is visible in the UK at the moment - they're not terribly interested in those sorts of stars.

I was discussing the use of electricity and defibrillators in the treatment of heart attacks. As a slight aside, I was able to mention the British Heart Foundation's latest campaign (which hit the radio news this morning) - hands-only CPR - instead of the more traditionally recognised "mouth-to-mouth" resuscitation. Yes, I know that this involves neither electricity nor defibrillators, but in the classroom one works with whatever comes up on the teenage radar...

Girls Don't Understand The Offside Rule...

Six months to go, and already I'm tired of hearing about the 2012 Olympic Games.

Yes, bah, humbug and all that.

Having said that, I was rather amused to note that the Royal Mint has produced a commemorative set of 50p coins for the occasion. I'm only really interested in one of them - the one designed for girls...

It made me chuckle, and reminded me of this TV advert made a while back for Yorkie chocolate bars.

The chocolate itself was pretty ghastly, actually, being more like the stuff which makes up cheap chocolate coins and Christmas tree decorations. The marketing ploy was brilliant, as was the limited edition "pink" wrapper which followed...

Veni, Creator...

...and, as a companion to my last post of 2011, here is my first post of 2012.

(Yes, I know that technically that was my first post for 2012 and this is therefore my second post, but it felt like the last post...)

We sang the Veni Creator before the Missa Cantata...

Te Deum Laudamus...

I just thought I'd share the last moments of 2011 as seen in Blackfen...

The crib at the Lady Altar. Obviously we're waiting for the Wise Men to arrive...

...and then a little closer...

The Te Deum chanted to see out the old year with a Plenary Indulgence...

...and Benediction given, to the accompaniment of fireworks outside...

So, here's to 2012... Happy New Year to all my blogging buddies - readers, writers and commenters!

(I shall do my best to get a few photos of the Veni Creator to see in the start of 2012 later today!)

On The Horns Of A Dilemma...

The Bishops of England & Wales have declared that Catholics should abstain from meat on all Fridays of the year. This is a very commendable thing for them to have done.

Does the Friday within the Octave of the Nativity count as a "normal" Friday, or, like the Friday within the Easter Octave, is it exempt from the no-meat rule?

This is rather crucial, as I'm going to a party tomorrow night, and I don't like vegetables... or fish... and I suspect that most of the nibbles will be meat-based...

*sigh*

Does anyone know the Canon Law regarding this stuff...?

Blessing Of Wine...

Last year I found out about the Epiphany blessing of chalk for use on the doorframes... but only after the Feast of the Epiphany.

This year, the PP has put a note about it in the parish newsletter, and on the website. This is "A Good Thing" - as Leutgeb would say (with capital letters) - as I do believe we should get as many blessings as possible through the year. They were, after all, put there for a reason. Life revolved around the Church, and the Church, in her turn, reflected life in the cycle of the liturgical year.

I just read, courtesy of the inimitable Fr. Z, that there is a blessing of wine which is traditionally carried out after Mass on the Feast of St. John.

Unfortunately, Mass was this morning at 10am. I was there, but, not knowing about the blessing of wine, I didn't have any with me. I shall add it to my little list for next year...

Liturgical Abuses...

We had Mass for the feast of St. Stephen today, and two of our altar servers were enrolled into the Guild of St. Stephen.

I was on sacristy duty after Mass, and His Hermeneuticalness asked after the health of Monsignors Miaowrini and Furretti. He isn't normally so solicitous of their well-being, and I was instantly suspicious. Sure enough, he pointed out that as the enrolment happened after the sermon, he had forgotten to pick up his maniple when he returned to the altar.

Everyone knows that, when you celebrate Mass without a maniple, God kills a kitten.*

After all, last year Fr. Tim said Mass in Rome without a maniple, and Cardinal Catzinger (Miaowrini's predecessor) died. I did happen to mention that, as both cats were now well over a year old, they technically didn't qualify as "kittens."**

However, I decided to make a bit of an extra fuss of the kitty cats when I got home, and cracked open the packet of smoked salmon I had bought.

Monsignor Furretti was very impressed by the tidbit, and, in her eagerness not to miss a single morsel, she went cross-eyed...

I tried to take another photo, but she wasn't going to pose for any camera. Not when smoked salmon was being proffered. Furretti just moved too quickly, and the photos were just very blurry...

Miaowrini was a little more relaxed, though equally ecstatic with the offering of salmon. She just closed her eyes and nibbled enthusiastically... so enthusiastically that I nearly lost fingers...

And, when I put down a plate of the salmon slivers, the cats decided to tolerate each other - neither wishing to cede her place to the other. Normally they wouldn't be seen dead eating from the same bowl...

*Yes, I know God doesn't really kill kittens...

**His Hermeneuticalness will be getting the vet's bill if anything does happen...

Midnight Mass At Blackfen...

Thanks to Fr. Bernard McNally and Rev. Michael Baldry, we were able to celebrate a Solemn High Mass for Christmas, actually at midnight. Mass was preceded by favourite carols, and a printed sheet ensured that we didn't have to endure any of the politically correct shenanigans introduced by music publishers.

Mass itself was wonderful. I know, I know... Mass is always wonderful, and totally awesome (yes, God became physically present on the altar yet again, like He does at every Mass...) but Midnight Mass is that bit extra-special. After all, there is that whole "entering our world in the silent watches of the night" thing going on...

...the sacred ministers kneeling during "et homo factus est" in the Creed just sends goosebumps down my spine in a very special way at Midnight Mass...

Imagine... Our Lord and God actually consenting to become a baby. To become so vulnerable for our sakes. To rely on fallible human beings for everything. Now, if you wanted to make up a religion, would you ever come up with an idea as preposterous as that?

...and then, to crown it all, our God appears under the form of bread and wine, called down (almost ordered to become present) by the words and actions of more fallible human beings, namely His priests...

What more is there to say...?