He Died For Me...

I've mentioned before that I returned to the practice of the Faith about twenty years ago, after what I like to call my Damascus Road conversion. I was seriously ill at the time, in chronic pain and on crutches. One night I couldn't sleep, and felt impelled to read a children's book I'd been given for my Confirmation - Adventure of the Amethyst by Cecily Hallack. I've described the book in more detail in another post. I finished the book, fell soundly asleep for the first time in months and woke up six hours later, knowing that I simply had to find the nearest Catholic church.

I didn't actually want to go to Confession, or see a priest... I just had to get to the church, without knowing exactly why.

There were plenty of difficulties in this - mostly my lack of mobility and the fact that I didn't actually know where the nearest church was. By the time I found it, it was about 5pm on a grey September Saturday. There wasn't a soul to be seen anywhere, and the church appeared to be closed. I eventually found an open door and found myself in the Nave of the church, staring up at the largest crucifix I had ever seen.

I sank down into a pew, suddenly aware that Christ had died that awful, terrible death on the Cross for my sins. Not only that, but I knew with absolute certainty that it was my sins which had nailed Jesus to the Cross, as surely as if I had wielded the hammer... All the sins I had committed since my Baptism seemed to rise up, forcing me to acknowledge my betrayal, and I also knew that Jesus had known that I would betray him. Despite this, he went to the Cross willingly, even gladly.

And with an awful clarity, I also knew that Jesus would have suffered and died for me even if I had been the only one to be saved.

Often, during Stations of the Cross, the meditations seem to focus on the sins and injustices which are committed by others. Then, to say that Christ died for our sins can seem very glib and easy. In contrast, to recognise that Jesus would have suffered all that just to save one soul is something to treasure for all eternity.

How much must God love each one of us...