Saturday, 20 October 2007

The "If I Were Cardinal" Meme...

Heheheheh... the campaign to get Fr. Ray Blake a red hat in Westminster has really taken off, and is providing no little amusement for all concerned. However, Fr. Ray also managed to get his revenge by starting a new meme: If I were Cardinal Archbishop of Westminster I would...

Fr. Ray challenged me. I protested that I was exempt, as there was no way a woman could be a priest, let alone a Cardinal Archbishop. Ha!

My triumph was short-lived: Fr. Ray told me to imagine that I was the power behind the throne, a trusted advisor. My comment that this was the problem in the first place (too many wimmins' libbers putting the boot in) fell on deaf ears.

So, in order to avoid being given "Wimmins' Ishoos" as a portfolio, I shall have to knuckle down and do some hard thinking...

Ok, If I was advisor to the Cardinal Archbishop of Westminster, I would recommend that...

- the immediate consecration of the diocese to the Immaculate Heart of Mary take place.

- all hymn books should be burned. An authorised Catholic Hymnal would be issued, containing all the original un-pc versions of hymns written before 1950. Any hymns written after 1950 would have to obtain the Nihil obstat and Imprimatur before being added to the Hymnal.

- all Holy Days of Obligation should be restored to their original days. These days would be reinstated as major religious holidays.

- liturgical dance and "acting out of the Gospel" at Mass should be banned.

- euphemistic monsters would be prohibited at Mass. Extraordinary Ministers of Holy Communion would only be permitted in order to take Communion to the Sick and Housebound.

- Catholic schools would have to demonstrate that they had more than 90% pupils and staff going to Sunday Mass. Schools which failed to fulfil this requirement would be closed. The money saved could be used for the schools which remained, and for parish catechesis. The smaller number of Catholic schools which remained would be exempted from the National Curriculum. Holy Days of Obligation would be days off school. The Easter Holiday would be Holy Week and the Octave of Easter.

- plus all the stuff on Fr. Ray's manifesto...

5 comments:

Ttony said...

Are schools allowed to opt out of the National Curriculum? I'd rather catholicise it!

As for hymns written after 1950, apart from their theological qualities, we should also insist that they be written in English. "Colours of Day" may well be theologically sound, but I get such a red mist in front of my eyes when I read just the first line that I've never got any further.

delia said...

If only! Well, a girl can dream ...

What about compulsory mantillas?!

Anonymous said...

You are boring the whole point of the church is celebration

Mac McLernon said...

Really, anonymous? I thought the whole point of the Church was Christ, the Sacraments and our salvation.

I grant you the boring bit... the cure for that is to go elsewhere - I don't force anyone to read my blog.

Clare said...

I'd heard that, prior to Vatican 2, a woman could, in theory at least, be a cardinal!

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