I Could Kick Myself...

I'll explain the blog title later.

It's been a very busy few days. I haven't had a chance to put up any pictures from the Merton LMS Conference. I will do, and will probably do a YouTube video of them, but I just haven't had the time.

On Friday, I went along to see Newhousenewjob. She's an old friend of mine (pre-blogging), and I wanted to hear all about her recent wedding and see the photos... I love looking at photos, but just looking at photos isn't that entertaining - I want to be talked "through" them... you know, what made everyone look round just at this point, why that person is scowling, where so-and-so is now, etc. etc. I was aghast to discover that it's been a whole year since my last visit.

Anyway, Newhousenewjob appears to be blooming... but she's almost as camera-shy as me, so, no photo.

Today we had the monthly Missa Cantata at Blackfen. Fr. Tim gave an excellent sermon about St. Alphonsus Liguori. Afterwards, a few of us went off to a local pub for lunch. I was delighted to make the acquaintance of James Mawdsley - author of the blog Ecce Mater Tua, and ex-prisoner of conscience. It was a real privilege, and a very great pleasure, to meet him. His enthusiasm for the TLM was also very heartwarming.

I have two regrets. One was to do with Novus Ordo Eurofizz, Real Ale, glass vessels and photographs. James' comment was: "It's lucky you haven't got your camera!" or words to that effect. The look of horror which crossed his face as I gleefully brandished my phone camera made me relent, however. So, no photo.

I should, however, have taken the chance to snap James and Fr. Tim together afterwards. I only realised what an opportunity I'd missed once I was back in the car on the way home. And so, no photo.

Like I said, I could kick myself!

Very, Very Good...

One of the funniest captions I've seen in a while. Fr. Dwight Longenecker provided the photo and Christopher Joseph devised the caption...

"Just for one week, Georg. No one will notice."

Merton Traddy-Fest

Fr. Tim laughingly told me that I should attend the Merton Conference in order to discuss the finer points of liturgical apparel and behaviour for a Traddy Womynpriest...

...and, since I'm currently on holiday, I thought that it might be quite an entertaining way to spend a day out. The alternatives were housework and lesson plans. Pretty much a no-brainer, really!

It was absolutely fantastic. The liturgy was superb, and the singing took my breath away. Lots of bloggers were in evidence... which explains why the Catholic Blogosphere is so quiet at the moment... anyway, I was able to amuse myself with a game of spot-the-blogger...

I was sitting next to Damian Thompson during Mass. Bloggers in choir included Fr. Tim Finigan, Fr. Ray Blake, Fr. John Boyle, Fr. Paul Harrison, Fr. Seán Finnigan, Br. Lawrence Lew and Fr. Guy Nicholls (even though he doesn't blog himself, so many pictures appear on Jackie's blog that it feels as if he does!)

More posts (and photos) tomorrow...

Maybe I Have No Soul...

No, it's ok. I haven't gone all weird and atheistic. I'm referring to my (lack of) artistic sensibilities.

After rearranging my prospective classroom the other day, my friend Angela and I decided to go out for a little drive. She happened to mention that she hadn't seen Ebbsfleet International, and she was intrigued by my description of it. So, off we went. Angela was as bemused as I had been by the architectural design, and both of us were completely flummoxed as to why the grassy areas outside the terminal were arranged in troughs and peaks... a sort of ripple-effect, only bigger. Imagine a lawn with row after row of speed humps (the "sleeping policeman" type) and you get the idea.

Whatever the reasoning behind it, the result is that some poor individual is going to find cutting the grass extremely hard work... and it'll have to be done with a hand mower because you can't get a sit-down one to cope with all the bumps: they're too close together.

We then drove on down to Bluewater. In the entrance foyer below the cinema ticket office (I think it's called the Water Circus, only they've just gone and filled in all the fountains) there is a display area. And at the moment, the display they have up is of the proposals for a new sculpture which is intended, as one person remarked, " to put Ebbsfleet on the map!"

There are five proposed options on display, small models and postcards, and a picture and video simulation of what the installation will look like in situ, and shoppers are being encouraged to make comments on little postcards for each one. Actually, I think some of the comments are of more artistic merit than the sculptures.

The idea is that the chosen sculpture will be twice the size of the Angel of the North. And it will be visible from the A2. This latter point is, in my opinion, rather important...

The most popular option, as far as I can work out, is a horse. A white stallion, to be exact. Now, horses in fields are quite a common sight as one drives down the A2. However, this one will be 50m high, and almost the same height as the electricity pylons beside it. As the computer simulation made clear, this results in a curious visual illusion type effect. Inducing visual illusions related to perspective and distance in drivers along a busy stretch of motorway is probably not the best of ideas.

I speak from experience. This is very close to the spot where I got smashed into by an articulated lorry whose driver didn't quite appreciate the perspectives in his driving mirror...

The least popular option (and thus probably the most likely to win) seems to be a pile of scaffolding. An expensive pile of scaffolding. Oh, I'm sure it's very carefully arranged, and not actually real scaffolding... but it does look rather like a child's Meccano set construction which has been sat on by mistake.

The other three options are an open cube-on-cube building-block arrangement with a laser shining straight up through the top (maybe it's actually a disguised homing beacon for spaceships to land at Ebbsfleet Pan-Gallactic International!), the inside of a large building on top of a hill (all made of concrete) which resembles an abandoned Lego demolition site, and a large Sky satellite dish with a feather in front of it.

Art? Ummm, if you say so...

Another Of My Spectacularly Blonde Moments...

Uh-oh. They do say that the devil makes work for idle hands. I think I've just proved it...

I have posted previously on the things I tend to do to my hair. In the past year or so I have been pretty restrained, and have gone to the same hairdresser most of the time. This has cut down on some of my more hair-raising experiences.

Unfortunately for me, my hairdresser chose to go away on holiday round about the time I was due for my roots to be re-touched. This is more of a problem than it sounds: my hairdresser only works on Wednesdays and Fridays. She also gets booked up pretty early. I couldn't get an appointment for this week - she's busy. Last week, I was busy. Next week I'm on the Faith Summer Session. The week after that, I'm on the Faith Summer Break. The week after that, my roots will look really disgusting, and there's no way I can leave them that long...

So, today being relatively quiet, I thought I would fix the problem myself. I've done it often enough before...

However, being blonde, it would seem that I suffer from a particular type of amnesia, namely "blonde-shade-itis." This results in my forgetting exactly which shade of blonde looks best. I just grabbed a pack of hair dye out of my cupboard, and applied it.

In other words, I forgot "Lesson 1." Having actually blogged about it, it is particularly galling to find I have repeated the mistake!

Tomorrow I shall try damage limitation. The way I'm feeling right now, this may involve hair clippers and a wig.

Classroom Psychology

Yesterday was a good day. I went to a very early (almost indecently early for a holiday) Mass courtesy of His Hermeneuticalness. I then dropped him off at the station as it was en route to school. Yes, you read that correctly... I went to school.

Last (academic) year was my first at my current school, and, as the newbie, I drew the short-straw as far as timetabling and rooming went: most days were characterised by the need for me to move from classroom to classroom every lesson.

This doesn't sound so bad: after all, it's what the students have to do... the difference is, however, that, as the teacher, you have to clear up the classroom once the class is dismissed (you can get the kids to do some of it, but there's always something missed), unplug the laptop, disconnect the interactive whiteboard, switch off the projector, grab your books, notes, register, computer and keys, lock the classroom, go to the new classroom, unlock the door, set up the laptop, switch on the projector and whiteboard, calibrate the whiteboard so that the writing appears where you want it, give out books, download the class register, check to see that the correct practical equipment is where you expected it to be and then settle the class down so that you can start the lesson. This takes time.

Meanwhile, the class demands to know why you are late and asks if there is going to be a practical. You often get a handful of children all suddenly trying to explain why they haven't done their homework, and why, despite it being set a week before, they haven't managed to see you any sooner. And the rest of the class is starting to climb the light fittings... and play with the gas taps. I have occasionally entertained wistful fantasies about telling them NOT to stick bits of metal into the live pin of the electric sockets (on the basis that they will often do exactly what you tell them not to) but I have to banish such thoughts as being unprofessional...

Then, and only then, can you actually start to teach.

I have been very tired for most of the year.

This coming year, as a "reward" for surviving the timetable equivalent of hell, I have been promised that most of my lessons will be in one room. The cloud to my silver lining is the warning that I will be "responsible" for the state of that room.

Now, the physical environment of any classroom has a huge impact on classroom management. The arrangement of the room in question was less than desirable from a teaching point of view: the tables were arranged in such a way that only 20 students could be seated comfortably at desks.

Most classes have considerably more than 20 students. Quite a few have 30. With the desks arranged in a sort of horseshoe, the extra students were dotted around the back of the room, where they were able to block sinks and gas taps with items such as sweet wrappers and chewing gum, secure in the knowledge that the teacher couldn't see them.

The horseshoe arrangement also encouraged noise, as the students could talk to each other across the room. Students are far less inclined to have a conversation with someone if they have to turn around to do so. Students sitting in small groups will still talk, but the noise level is considerably less, and it's easier to control: divide and conquer has always been a useful ploy!

Hence my willingness to go in and play "house" during the Summer. I was joined by a good friend of mine, also a Science teacher, and together we discussed various options. Eventually, I decided on a "five dots-on-dice" arrangement of tables: this allows me room to move round all the tables while students are working, everyone can see the board (and me) without having to turn right around, and no-one is near the sinks, gas taps or electric plug sockets...

I will let you all know how the experiment works out!

Aha ! All Has Been Revealed...

When Cardinal Castrillon Hoyos celebrated a Pontifical High Mass at the throne in Westminster Cathedral, those in the know made a few comments about the lack of buskins. I had no idea what buskins were. His Hermeneuticalness, when challenged, said that they were some sort of stocking put on with the other vestments at a Pontifical High Mass... and he admitted that he'd never seen any, so couldn't describe them...

All has now been revealed! Shawn Tribe of The New Liturgical Movement has posted descriptions of buskins (ordinary and liturgical) and explanations of colour, decoration and manner of wearing them. He's even got photos!

I see that I shall have to work hard as a Womynpriest to educate my brother clerics as to the best way to avoid wrinkled stockings gathering around the ankles...

Sylvester...

A couple of people have asked me how Sylvester is doing. YES ! See, Fr. Tim... some people actually like to read about cats!!

Anyway, most of the corneal sequestrum seems to have sloughed off (yuck... nasty dead eye tissue, gross!) and he doesn't appear to be in any discomfort, though there is still a small, discoloured area on his eye. I'm almost certain that he won't need any further treatment.

In the meantime, Sylvester is doing his best to eat me out of house and home. On school days, he gets fed pretty early and then heads out through the catflap as I head on out through the door. I often muse on how long he actually spends outside: this week I can say "virtually none" ! He has divided his time between eating, popping outside briefly to do the necessaries, grooming, nudging my leg with his head (when he wants feeding or attention), sitting on the arm of the armchair behind me and miaowing plaintively (when he wants feeding or attention) and actually sleeping on the armchair. The latter activity takes up by far the greatest proportion of his time...

Some Of The Recent Additions...

I haven't always had time to draw your attention to my blogroll additions, so, I thought a quick round-up of the most recent ones might be in order...

Roses and Jessamine writes a blog of the same name - one which evokes gently scented eau de toilette. She hails from the same neck of the woods as Fr. Ray. I'd love to know why she chose that particular name!

Benedict Ambrose writes Tremendous Trifles - "yet another Scottish blog" (his description, not mine, I hasten to add!) which contains musings on, well, just about everything.

Australia Incognita is a blog from Down Under; Terra, the author, describes herself as deeply attached to the Traditional Latin Mass... of course, Terra might actually be a "himself" - neither the Blogger profile, nor the Facebook one, offer any clues!

Hearts at Home is a blog written by Penny and Pillarclimber, two homeschoolers from North Carolina.

Saint Louis Catholic is written by Thetimman, who is unclear about why he started blogging, but he has an interesting selection of posts on various snippets of Catholic news.

And finally, the Pious Sodality of Church Ladies held me up as an exemplar of what happens when Church Ladies "go bad" after I expressed my womynpriest vocation. A very entertaining blog.