I Wish I Could Use This...

...unfortunately, I doubt that it would be possible.  English Grammar doesn't appear to be on the curriculum (judging by the books I mark... "But Miss, this is Science... why do you correct our spelling and grammar?")

Just a taster of the letter the kids have to write if they swear in the hearing of Paul Cat...

"I am here after school with Mr. Catalanotto because I have a small and very limited vocabulary that is not repetitive of the education I am and have been receiving at Jesuit High School. Because I have expressed such a limited vocabulary in the ear-shot of Mr. Catalanotto, it has been deemed by him that I have been wasting the $6450 my parents or guardians spend on my yearly tuition so that my vocabulary won’t be limited; in other words, I have been stealing from my parents by not developing my verbal skills to their maximum capacity and taking full advantage of my educational time here at Jesuit."

10/10 for ingenuity.  I think "representative" would be better than "repetitive" though!

Mantilla twitched in the direction of Kasia of The Clam Rampant.

All Good Things Must Come To An End...

...but I'm still making the most of my holiday.  One day left.  I did seem to spend the first part of the week sleeping!

On Friday I went to Corpus Christi, Maiden Lane.  I'd been told by a couple of the chaps from our visiting schola that Corpus Christi were having a "Quarant'Ore" (I think that's how it's spelt) and it seemed a particularly good way to spend All Hallow's Eve (I am not of the "it's all good, harmless fun" opinion.)

Unfortunately, Friday was the middle of the three days, and so Mass was very low-key, and there wasn't a procession or a Litany.  Even more unfortunately, the church itself was very dark, except for a few very bright spots, which meant that the photos I took were totally useless.

The Mass itself was very moving, of course.  The more I attend Mass in the Extraordinary Form, the more I love it.  Every movement, every gesture, seems to be laden with meaning, spanning two millennia.  It truly is the "Mass of Ages."

Today was the first Saturday of the month, and so we had our regular Missa Cantata with the visiting schola... but there was an added bonus: as it was the Feast of All Saints, it was decided that we should have sung Vespers in the afternoon... and as it would be mean to make the schola hang around doing nothing, we had lunch in the parish hall... lasagna and garlic bread (with side salad for the health-freaks!)

I had a nasty scare at the beginning of lunch: I'd deliberately left my car at home so that I could indulge in a pint or two of Novus Ordo Eurofizz - but when I got to the hall, the bar was locked up!  Luckily, it didn't stay that way for very long...

Vespers was brilliant.  I did manage to take a few photos, but they were, unfortunately, on Fr. Tim's camera, so I haven't seen them yet.  No doubt they will appear on his blog in due course.  I couldn't resist taking this shot, though: there had been lots of young families at the Mass, several of whom stayed for Vespers... and these two twins were totally engrossed by the new booklets they'd found at the back of the church explaining the "Old" Mass... I believe that they'll be making their First Communion this year, and after that they're keen to learn to serve...

Now It's November...

...and assuming that you haven't done so already, you might want to give a thought to Christmas cards.

Yes, I know that it's almost indecently early, but the problem is finding any good Christmas cards nearer the time.  First of all, most of the cards in the shop have very little to do with Christmas... robins, snowmen and holly abound, as do Christmas trees.  But trying to find actual Christmas cards is like trying to find hens' teeth. The variety packs in various shops might have a small handful of religious cards among the dross, but if, like me, you refuse on principle to send any non-religious cards, then that's rather a lot of variety pack cards heading for the dustbin (sorry, did I say dustbin?  I meant "recycling centre"!)

The other problem is that "charriddy" cards have become very, very popular. This seems like a good idea... until you look a little more closely at the charities concerned.  The majority are the sort of organisations with which, as a practising Catholic, I do not wish to be associated.  The Parkinson's Disease Society, for example, supports embryonic stem cell research.  The Cystic Fibrosis Society supports pre-natal testing.  I could go on, but you'll have got the general drift...

Hence the need to get the cards sorted early... last year I left it too late, and all the best designs were out of stock.  This year I noticed that Aid to the Church in Need has a good selection of cards, as well as small decorations and rosaries made by Christians in Bethlehem and the Holy Land (and they've been having a tough time of it lately.)  You can even order them online!

And, of course, SPUC has a great selection of cards available, a particularly apposite charity to consider when preparing to celebrate the birthday of the God who became a baby for our salvation.

So, go on... you know you want to... And don't worry, you don't need to start writing them just yet...!

Paulinus Has Done It Again...

The great Paulinus has been busy lately.  First up, he has succeeded in persuading the Bishops of England & Wales to adopt one of his Rocky-Horror Liturgies as a serious proposal for "Yoof" Sunday.*  Then he challenged the atheists' bus advert campaign with an excellent rebuttal.  But now it seems that he has, in true ecumaniacal fashion**, thought about how other believers might want to challenge Dawkins et al...

*  Ok, ok, I know he didn't actually do any such thing... but a sheep and goats comedy skit after the Gospel and prayers of contrition for over-filling our kettles does read like one of his Rocky Horror liturgies...

**  Yes, before you comment in the box, I do know how to spell ecumenical.  Read the word again, and you might get the joke...

Car-Related Conversations...

I explained about the last little run-in I've had with my car.  Locking wheel nuts are quite pricey, it seems.  Anyway, I had the following exchange on the phone with an unusually frank mechanic...

"Well, you don't have to have locking wheel nuts... Ordinary ones would do.  I mean, you would have seen how easy the locking wheel nuts were to remove when they did your spare tyre..."

"Ummm... actually it took the chap two hours..."

"Did it really??!  Wow, so they do work then..."

I've survived without locking wheel nuts before... and given my propensity for losing things (like wheel nut keys) I might just decide to give them a miss...

New Vestments...

I occasionally get to help out in the Sacristy.  Mostly this consists of setting up the vestments and sacred vessels after the Sunday evening Mass ready for Monday morning... an occasion of some regret, as the regular Monday morning supply priest doesn't like "fuss" - so, no amice, no maniple, no cincture, no chalice veil, no burse and no paten (he uses a "dish" instead.)

Occasionally there are little rewards, though!  Like being first on the scene to see Fr. Tim's latest acquisitions...  I spotted that the lads who serve on Saturday were going to be allowed to open the parcel of goodies, and, knowing that the lads in question were actually away at the beginning of their half term hols, promptly went in to the sacristy on Saturday morning for a nose around.

They are seriously nice vestments.

Unfortunately, this Sunday was the feast of Christ the King, so Hilda (the Sacristan) was instructed to get them out for next Sunday.

However, Fr. Tim was due to say an early Mass this morning, before leaving for the APGL Conference... and today was a feria according to the 1962 Calendar... so I asked if I should put out the green vestments...

Fr. Tim was originally going to say a votive Mass, I think, but took pity on me, and said that the new green vestments should probably get given a dress rehearsal before Sunday...

Laying out the vestments, I noticed something was missing.  It took me a minute to identify that there are usually ties for a Roman chasuble... Further exploration revealed that there was a rather bulky bit behind the front panel.  I was almost certain that these were the missing ties, but wasn't absolutely sure.  

Figuring that if I didn't use sharp implements, I wouldn't be causing any major damage, I unpicked the stitches... et voilá!

I took photos this morning at Mass, but the lighting at the Lady Altar completely messes up my mobile phone camera, so the proper photos will have to wait until Sunday after all...

Calling A Spade A Shovel...

Cardinal O'Brien has really taken the HFE Bill to heart... one wonders if the debacles over the Mental Capacity Act and then the gay adoption stuff have helped him to see that British Government promises and reassurances aren't worth diddly-squat...

Anyway, the Cardinal has published an open letter to Gordon Brown, warning him that the provisions of the HFE Bill will open the door to some of the most horrific abuses ever seen since the atrocities committed by the Nazis.

I do like a man who tells it straight...

You can read the full letter HERE.  Twitch of the mantilla to Fr. Ray Blake.

Happy Feast Day...

...yes, I know it's nearly over, but I'm still celebrating, as St. Jude is one of my favourite saints.

Actually, St. Jude was the first saint I really "discovered" - I had rather dismissed devotion to the saints as "medieval" and ok for the plebs, but not for an intellectual research scientist type... the fact that many of my fellow scientists would have dismissed any sort of faith in God as medieval and not for intellectual research scientist types had sort of slipped under my radar...

The story of my introduction to the wonderful world of the saints can be found here, in case you missed it before.

I'd also like to give St. Simon a mention, as I feel slightly guilty that he always loses out to St. Jude on the feast-day stakes... one day I'll actually look him up!

Who Was It Who Said...

...that work expands to fill the time you have available?

Well, it seems to have happened to me!  Here I am, enjoying my holiday (yes, I'm rubbing it in...) and I haven't managed to do half of the things I had planned for today.  I'm very tempted to stay up late to do some serious blogging (after all, no school tomorrow! Did I mention that I'm on holiday?) but then I'll get into trouble with my SD, who thinks that early mornings are the best time to pray, and that I'd have no trouble getting up in the morning if I went to bed early enough...

Another Bishop Speaks Out...

This time, the Bishop in question is on this side of the pond (for which I am extremely grateful!)  I would be happier if he was a little closer to home...

Cardianl O'Brien spoke at the SPUC Conference in Glasgow.  You can read part of his statement on Fr. Ray's blog.  John Smeaton has a fuller report on the Conference over at his blog.

The vote has been taken, but the fight for the protection of human life must go on.

It occurred to me today, during an excellent sermon (part of which has ended up as a blog post...) on one aspect of the four last things, that we will be judged by Our Lord at the end of our lives on what we did (or didn't do) to protect the unborn. The time to prepare our answer is now...

Good Shepherd...

Cardinal Egan has spoken out (in a letter to Catholic New York) about the need to consider a politician's stance on abortion when voting in an election.  He is obviously referring to the US Presidential election, but it is a salutary reminder to us all.  I consider it to be a powerful statement, and so, unusually, I'm quoting it in full...

Just Look

The picture on this page is an untouched photograph of a being that has been within its mother for 20 weeks. Please do me the favor of looking at it carefully.

Have you any doubt that it is a human being?

If you do not have any such doubt, have you any doubt that it is an innocent human being?

If you have no doubt about this either, have you any doubt that the authorities in a civilized society are duty-bound to protect this innocent human being if anyone were to wish to kill it?

If your answer to this last query is negative, that is, if you have no doubt that the authorities in a civilized society would be duty-bound to protect this innocent human being if someone were to wish to kill it, I would suggest—even insist—that there is not a lot more to be said about the issue of abortion in our society. It is wrong, and it cannot—must not—be tolerated.

But you might protest that all of this is too easy. Why, you might inquire, have I not delved into the opinion of philosophers and theologians about the matter? And even worse: Why have I not raised the usual questions about what a "human being" is, what a "person" is, what it means to be "living," and such? People who write books and articles about abortion always concern themselves with these kinds of things. Even the justices of the Supreme Court who gave us "Roe v. Wade" address them. Why do I neglect philosophers and theologians? Why do I not get into defining "human being," defining "person," defining "living," and the rest? Because, I respond, I am sound of mind and endowed with a fine set of eyes, into which I do not believe it is well to cast sand. I looked at the photograph, and I have no doubt about what I saw and what are the duties of a civilized society if what I saw is in danger of being killed by someone who wishes to kill it or, if you prefer, someone who "chooses" to kill it. In brief: I looked, and I know what I saw.

But what about the being that has been in its mother for only 15 weeks or only 10? Have you photographs of that too? Yes, I do. However, I hardly think it necessary to show them. For if we agree that the being in the photograph printed on this page is an innocent human being, you have no choice but to admit that it may not be legitimately killed even before 20 weeks unless you can indicate with scientific proof the point in the development of the being before which it was other than an innocent human being and, therefore, available to be legitimately killed. Nor have Aristotle, Aquinas or even the most brilliant embryologists of our era or any other era been able to do so. If there is a time when something less than a human being in a mother morphs into a human being, it is not a time that anyone has ever been able to identify, though many have made guesses. However, guesses are of no help. A man with a shotgun who decides to shoot a being that he believes may be a human being is properly hauled before a judge. And hopefully, the judge in question knows what a "human being" is and what the implications of someone's wishing to kill it are. The word "incarceration" comes to mind.

However, we must not stop here. The matter becomes even clearer and simpler if you obtain from the National Geographic Society two extraordinary DVDs. One is entitled "In the Womb" and illustrates in color and in motion the development of one innocent human being within its mother. The other is entitled "In the Womb—Multiples" and in color and motion shows the development of two innocent human beings—twin boys—within their mother. If you have ever allowed yourself to wonder, for example, what "living" means, these two DVDs will be a great help. The one innocent human being squirms about, waves its arms, sucks its thumb, smiles broadly and even yawns; and the two innocent human beings do all of that and more: They fight each other. One gives his brother a kick, and the other responds with a sock to the jaw. If you can convince yourself that these beings are something other than living and innocent human beings, something, for example, such as "mere clusters of tissues," you have a problem far more basic than merely not appreciating the wrongness of abortion. And that problem is—forgive me—self-deceit in a most extreme form.

Adolf Hitler convinced himself and his subjects that Jews and homosexuals were other than human beings. Joseph Stalin did the same as regards Cossacks and Russian aristocrats. And this despite the fact that Hitler and his subjects had seen both Jews and homosexuals with their own eyes, and Stalin and his subjects had seen both Cossacks and Russian aristocrats with theirs. Happily, there are few today who would hesitate to condemn in the roundest terms the self-deceit of Hitler, Stalin or even their subjects to the extent that the subjects could have done something to end the madness and protect living, innocent human beings.

It is high time to stop pretending that we do not know what this nation of ours is allowing—and approving—with the killing each year of more than 1,600,000 innocent human beings within their mothers. We know full well that to kill what is clearly seen to be an innocent human being or what cannot be proved to be other than an innocent human being is as wrong as wrong gets. Nor can we honorably cover our shame (1) by appealing to the thoughts of Aristotle or Aquinas on the subject, inasmuch as we are all well aware that their understanding of matters embryological was hopelessly mistaken, (2) by suggesting that "killing" and "choosing to kill" are somehow distinct ethically, morally or criminally, (3) by feigning ignorance of the meaning of "human being," "person," "living," and such, (4) by maintaining that among the acts covered by the right to privacy is the act of killing an innocent human being, and (5) by claiming that the being within the mother is "part" of the mother, so as to sustain the oft-repeated slogan that a mother may kill or authorize the killing of the being within her "because she is free to do as she wishes with her own body."

One day, please God, when the stranglehold on public opinion in the United States has been released by the extremists for whom abortion is the center of their political and moral life, our nation will, in my judgment, look back on what we have been doing to innocent human beings within their mothers as a crime no less heinous than what was approved by the Supreme Court in the "Dred Scott Case" in the 19th century, and no less heinous than what was perpetrated by Hitler and Stalin in the 20th. There is nothing at all complicated about the utter wrongness of abortion, and making it all seem complicated mitigates that wrongness not at all. On the contrary, it intensifies it.

Do me a favor. Look at the photograph again. Look and decide with honesty and decency what the Lord expects of you and me as the horror of "legalized" abortion continues to erode the honor of our nation. Look, and do not absolve yourself if you refuse to act.

Edward Cardinal Egan
Archbishop of New York

Twitch of the mantilla to Matthew Archbold of Creative Minority Report.

The Female of the Species...

...I'm up early!  Actually it's early for Sunday, and only because the clocks went back.  However, I can allow myself to feel virtuous for actually crawling out of the pit.  Ok, ok, I'll admit that the only reason I got up was that Sylvester was sitting on my head, tapping my nose in an attempt to get fed...

Be that as it may, a celebratory joke is in order (ie. I can't think of anything more important to blog about at this time in the morning!)

The CIA were interviewing candidates.  As part of the interview process, the candidates had to show that they could shoot a person if ordered to do so. The first candidate, a young man, was given a gun, and ordered to go through a door into a room and shoot the person sitting on the chair.

Nervously, the young man took the gun and walked through the door.

Almost immediately, he returned.  "You guys are really sick," he snarled, "No way am I going to shoot my wife!" With that, he stormed out.

The second candidate, another young man, was sent into a different room with the same instructions: shoot the person in the chair.  This time there was more of a delay before the candidate returned, shaking and sobbing.  "I can't do it," he said, "I just can't shoot my wife."

The third candidate, a young woman, was then sent in to a room, where her husband was in the chair.

Five shots rang out.

And then the sound of screaming was heard, accompanied by some loud banging noises.

Then the woman reappeared.

"Some idiot loaded the gun with blanks," she said, "So I had to beat him to death with the chair."