Prayers To Saint Joseph

Catholic Warrior informs us that March is traditionally the month dedicated to St. Joseph, foster-father of Jesus. He put up a lovely devotion - the seven sorrows and joys of St. Joseph.

Exploring the blogosphere for a snazzy picture, I discovered the Children of Mary website which has a prayer of consecration to the Holy Family and a novena to St. Joseph.

Given the attacks on the purity of St. Joseph and Our Lady by so-called "Catholic" theologians, it might be a good time to pray this novena; recitation of the Divine Praises in front of the Blessed Sacrament in reparation for blasphemies wouldn't go amiss either!

Blessed be God.
Blessed be His Holy Name.
Blessed be Jesus Christ, true God and true Man.
Blessed be the Name of Jesus.
Blessed be His Most Sacred Heart.
Blessed be His Most Precious Blood.
Blessed be Jesus in the Most Holy Sacrament of the Altar.
Blessed be the Holy Spirit, the Paraclete.
Blessed be the great Mother of God, Mary most Holy.
Blessed be her Holy and Immaculate Conception.
Blessed be her Glorious Assumption.
Blessed be the Name of Mary, Virgin and Mother.
Blessed be St. Joseph, her spouse, most chaste.
Blessed be God in His Angels and in His Saints.

Tell It Like It Is !

Fr. Tim has the habit of hitting the nail right on the head. In an excellent post on what the sixth report of the Joint Committee on Human Rights has to say about the Sexual Orientation Regulations, Fr Tim spells out that Catholic Schools will not be able to exist if the recommendations are accepted.

One quote will demonstrate what's coming:

In our view the Regulations prohibiting sexual orientation discrimination should clearly apply to the curriculum, so that homosexual pupils are not subjected to teaching, as part of the religious education or other curriculum, that their sexual orientation is sinful or morally wrong.

I can almost hear the clang of the prison gates.

UPDATE: Just Doing My Best has an excellent summary of how the legislative process actually works in the UK, (something which I always found very puzzling) as well as making a few pertinent comments of her own.

Prayer Over A New Computer

Fr. Zuhlsdorf has posted a prayer to be said over a new computer... and a prayer to be said before logging onto the internet.

Loving God and Father, source of all good and knowledge, we praise you for your loving kindness shown to us through your Son Jesus Christ who became flesh and dwelt among us and through your Holy Spirit poured forth into our hearts.
Grant that this new computer may be used in service to you and all truth. May it be an instrument that serves to lift up and not to tear down. May pornography, hatred or any other such evil never appear on this screen.
May I and all who use this computer do so with purity of heart and free from all evil. May my work on this computer serve to glorify your name and build up your kingdom.
Lead us through this life to share in the perfect love and joy you share with Jesus Christ your Son our Lord and the Holy Spirit, one God for ever and ever. Amen.

Almighty and eternal God,
who created us in Thine image
and bade us to seek after all that is good, true and beautiful,
especially in the divine person of Thine Only-begotten Son, our Lord Jesus Christ,
grant, we beseech Thee,
that, through the intercession of Saint Isidore, Bishop and Doctor,
during our journeys through the internet
we will direct our hands and eyes only to that which is pleasing to Thee
and treat with charity and patience all those souls whom we encounter.
Through Christ our Lord. Amen.

He did advise caution with the application of holy water though...

Available In China?

Dominican Idaho identified the following site which can check whether your blog or website is blocked in China...

...Mulier Fortis is, unfortunately, not considered to be capable of corrupting the People's Republic! Check out your own site HERE.

Tony Blair Becoming Catholic?

Paulinus has put up an excellent post over at the Recusant Cricket Club...

In it, he asks, "Could one trust Mr B to become a Catholic in good faith?" Paulinus answers pretty much in the negative, with plenty of thoughtful commentary explaining why.

For me, however, the following photo just sums the whole thing up...


Tony is doing his utmost to smarm and charm. The Holy Father has him at arm's length, and his expression sort of suggests that he trusts the PM about as far as he can throw him with both hands tied behind his back...

Lunch?

Antonia saw an item at the BBC explaining how orphaned animals in an Indonesian zoo were being reared together and so became "friends"...

...she added the rider that the tiger cubs start to eat meat at three months, and they have to be separated at that point.

...call me cynical, but I swear I can hear that tiger cub thinking "oooh, I'll just have a little nibble before lunch..."


...I think the orangutan heard it too...

Eat, Drink & Be Merry... Unless You Speak English!

I spotted this one over on Just Doing My Best - and I rather liked the logic... especially as I like all the wrong things and loathe vegetables...

...at least, I did like the logic until I realised that I speak English...

Nephew News

Oh dear ! My nearly-new nephew had to have his shots today. My sister was refreshingly matter-of-fact about it when she was chatting to me on the phone this evening. I was making "aww, bless him, what a horrible thing to have to watch him go through" sort of noises, and she merely pointed out that, "He'll get over it!"

...mind you, she did confess to pointing at the nurse throughout the whole episode, telling her son in a loud voice, "She did it, not me... all her fault... she did it!"

(I have been promised more baby photos soon!)

New Blonde Joke !

Heeheehee ! A friend emailed me this one:

A blonde enters a store that sells curtains. She tells the salesman, "I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains."

The salesman assures her that they have a large selection of pink curtains. He shows her several patterns, but the blonde seems to have a hard time choosing.

Finally she selects a lovely pink floral print. The salesman then asks what size curtains she needs.

The blonde promptly replies, "Fifteen inches."

"Fifteen inches?" asked the salesman. "That sounds very small - what room are they for?"

The blonde tells him that they aren't for a room, but they are for her computer monitor.

The surprised salesman replies, "But miss, computers do not need curtains!"

The blonde says, "Hellllooooooooo! I've got Windoooooows!"

A Wicked Sense of Humour

Carolina Cannonball has been having some fun with her clients... Gee, it's great to know that some people really enjoy their work...

In the business I am in I deal with lots of unmarried couples looking to co habit. One of our qualifications to rent a property is that an individuals monthly gross income must be at LEAST 3 xs the rent.

The only time we can combine two people's gross income is if they are married.

Most unmarried couples can afford a particular house, but they do not qualify for it. The reason we enforce this rule is because we have seen, in our years of property management services, that a couple will move in together then 6 months later break up. The one person who chooses to stay usually can't afford the rent alone and then they want to break the lease. So we make darn sure if they aren't married they at least make enough money to handle the rental payments alone.

I get complaints on this rule all the time. Couples balk and homos scream discrimination. But I like to have a little fun with this rule. I especially like to torment the men.

Couple: We don't qualify individually, but together we make 3xs the rent

Cannonball: we can only combine married couples income

Couple: nervous silence

Cannonball: Well, you two could always get married and come back. HA HA HA

Women: Yeah, I guess we could

Man: uh... oh... I... um... what?

Cannonball: How long have you two lovelies been together?

Couple: (insert some random amount of time)

Cannonball: Really? That long? What's wrong (glaring at guy)

Man: (deer in head lights expression)

Cannonball: (insane laughter in my head)

Couple: flee from office. Man usually storming out & women following pleading.

BWA HA HA HA HA

Heheheheh!

Can I Live?

Spotted this over at Scorpion Stalking Duck. It packs one heck of a punch... I found myself in tears about half way through. The rap has a good rhythm to it too!

More For The Cat Obsessives

Ok, I admit it... I'm very fond of cats. Just as well, since I am the feeder of my very own moggy (note that I am not so presumptious as to claim to be an "owner" !!)

Anyway, checking over my last photos of Sylvester, I was rather concerned that he was looking a little thin. And then I realised that I took the photos just after my return from Ampleforth...

Sylvester doesn't exactly starve himself when I'm away, and my next-door neighbour comes in to check on him twice a day (he's got her well-trained: she needs to stay with him in the kitchen while he eats his breakfast, or he refuses to eat, and then she actually sits with him for an hour in the evening after he's eaten dinner... oh, and he has dry munchies available all day) as well as keeping an eye on him if he goes into the garden.

Despite this, whenever I return from a short absence, Sylvester always looks thinner! Maybe he manages to hold his sides in as a form of emotional blackmail...

So here's another photo to prove that he's no lightweight...

UPDATE: Simon-Peter has posted a few more cats... I must have missed it under the penguins. Or, of course, I was so traumatised by the music that I couldn't see straight !! Anyway, I really enjoyed the following pic:

An Attack Of The Grumps

Fr. Longenecker has an excellent post on the grumps and iritability which can pounce as Lent starts to take hold...

"...I believe when we really try to pray more we start stirring up some of the smelly, mucky stuff that has drifted down to the bottom of the pond that is our life.

"The Holy Spirit wants that stuff to get stirred up so it can float to the top and be skimmed off at confession. The process, however, makes us grumpy, irritable, confused and spiritually restless."

There Ought To Be A Law Against It...

...because laughing so much that you cannot breathe and your sides hurt just doesn't seem right during the sober season of Lent! However, I thought I'd share the following snippet with you anyway (I'll go to Confession for it if I have to!!) courtesy of Dominican Idaho:

Working people frequently ask us retired people what they do to make their days interesting. For example, the other day I went downtown and into a shop. I was only there for about 5 minutes and when I came out there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.

I said to him, "Come on, man, how about giving a retired person a break?" He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a "Nazi." He glared at me and wrote another ticket for having worn tires.

So I called him a "doughnut-eating Gestapo." He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he wrote a third ticket. This went on for about 20-minutes. The more I abused him the more tickets he wrote. Personally, I didn't care. I had come downtown on the bus, and the car that I was standing next to (the one he was putting the tickets on) had a bumper sticker that said "Hillary in '08."

I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. It's important to my health.

Home-Schooling Petition

Further to my post on our control-freakish politicians, Newhousenewjob has put up a post warning us about the government's desire to know exactly where we are at all times (and making us pay for the privilege too... they justify it by calling it "road-pricing"!)

There is an e-petition to protest about the proposed control of home educators HERE.

Time For Some Humour!

Just Doing My Best has a selection of classic one-liners guaranteed to make you smile...

One of my favourites: If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

It reminds me of another joke... The new recruits were being instructed in how to make a parachute jump. The seargent takes them through which cord to pull and when. Then, one recruit pipes up: "Please, Sarge, what happens if the chute doesn't open?"

"That, my son, is what is known as jumping to a conclusion."

Heheheh !

Ok, Time For A Nephew Picture !

Fine, it's been far too long since my last baby photo, so here is a picture of little Giacomo getting distracted from all the various animals dangled in front of him...


...at least he's stopped frowning!

The Thought Police Are Out And About

This may surprise you, but I do not consider myself to be a liberal... (oh, ok, you'd figured that already?)

However, I distrust totalitarian regimes. I do not smoke (and I'm not a reformed smoker) but I really feel unhappy about the ban on smoking in public places. I believe that the first place to introduce this sort of ban was Nazi Germany... 'Nuff said.

With current legislation, it will probably soon be illegal to speak of Church teaching on homosexuality, gay adoption, same-sex marriages and so on. Sending your children to a Catholic school might, at one time, have been a refuge from this sort of thing: with Catholic teachers promoting the teachings of the Church, the purity and innocence of our children could be considered to be safe. Unfortunately, this is no longer the case. Teachers in Catholic schools are rarely Catholic, or, if they are Catholic, they are either not practicing or in open dissent with the Magisterium.

Even if some of the teachers are faithful to the teachings, things like Sex Education are passed on to outside agencies, and the school has no control over what is said to the children (no matter what promises are made beforehand.) The Hierarchy seems oblivious to this, protesting that there is a legal requirement to teach the National Curriculum, and that we have to move with the times... little (if any) support is given to parents who raise concerns.

Parents are the primary educators of their children, and (an unfashionable take on it, I know) one day they will have to answer to God for their discharging of this awesome responsibility. So, some parents feel that they have to resort to home-schooling.

This is hardly an easy option - all sorts of rules and regulations, and the knowledge that you could be inspected at any time. However, up until now, if a child had never gone to school, the Local Authority had no right of inspection.

It seems that this is no longer to be the case: the UK Government want to bring in some more legislation to control this too...

...they want the powers to introduce the following:

• A duty for parents to register children educated at home.
• A duty for parents to meet with the local authority annually.
• Powers to require access to the child for welfare checks.
• Powers to require access to the child to assess educational development.
• Powers to require the child’s work to be inspected.
• Powers for DfES to set curriculum content which must be included in the educational provision.
• Powers for DfES to set standards and methods of teaching

Carolina Canonball describes the effects of current legislation on home-schoolers, and it's draconian enough to make your hair curl. And now they want even more powers...

You know, I think the Soviet Union and Communist China would have loved to have had this sort of power over their people...

Mantilla-twitch to The Crescat (lots more information and links) and to The Muniment Room

Another Heresy? It Must Be Nearly Easter!

Oho, another major Christian Feast coming up... time to jump on the old heresy bandwagon and get some guaranteed publicity.

This latest wheeze is doing the round of all the best blogs: so I shall get in on the act!

Apparently, James Cameron (Producer of Titanic) has announced the discovery of the tomb (occupied) of Jesus, his mother Mary, his "wife" Mary Magdalen and his "son" Judah.

Quite apart from the fact that the remains were actually discovered 27 years ago, without so much as a smidgeon of a suggestion that the bones belonged to the Jesus of Nazareth, the claim to have proved that the remains were those of Jesus Christ through DNA analysis is just laughable...

As Orthometer rightly points out, it brings to mind an old joke:

Two German scripture scholars were touring the Holy Land and they ran across an archaeological dig. They introduced themselves to the lead archaeologist, who, when he found out they were scripture scholars, said that they were about to open a tomb that the scholars would find particularly interesting. When they approached the door of the tomb, they saw that the inscription read: Here Lies Jesus of Nazareth. Breathlessly, they waited for the stone to be removed. Gazing inside, they saw the sarcophagus containing a skeleton. One scholar turned to the other and exclaimed, "Mein Gott! He really did exist!"

;-)

Mantilla-twitch also to the Closed Cafeteria and Open Book (Amy has more detailed debunking... if you really need convincing!)

Come On In - It's Awful !

Fr. Dwight Longenecker has an excellent post on reasons not to join the Catholic Church... at the risk of stealing his punchline, the only reason for becoming Catholic is the total conviction that the Catholic Church is the true Church, founded by Jesus Christ.

Read the rest HERE.

A Little Lenten Humour

I spotted this over at the Curt Jester's place... you've heard of K-Mart? Well, now, for all your Lenten needs, I give you "L-Mart" !!

Just so you can see what goodies are on offer, here's a taster:

X-Ray Vision Glasses
Some parishes start covering statues, images, and crosses on the first day of Lent instead of at least waiting till after the fourth Sunday of Lent or Holy Week. If your parish deprives you early of these worship aids then but a pair of our Lenten X-Ray Vision glasses. We use the same technology used in the new airport security scanner that can see right through clothes and brought to you at an affordable price. Now obviously it would be quite problematic and a deterrent to holiness to see through every bodies clothes. That is why our product has built-in Infrared technology so that the glasses capability is turned off in area where human body heat is detected. This way you can see right through the material covering statues, images, and crosses and also remain pure at the same time.

Check out the rest, but be sure to put your coffee down first!

Not Out Of The Woods Yet

My last reference to Sophia, the 7-year-old who had surgery to remove a brain tumour, was quite positive. Unfortunately, it seems that she has taken a turn for the worse...

Sophia was moved back to intensive care. There are several blood clots, some quite large. They formed in the last 4 days, but they are not sure why so they’ll do more testing. Her fever keeps going up and down, last night around 103-104. Today they are going to do a spinal tap, where they take out a sample of spinal fluid, to check for infections. Because of the clots, she needs to be well hydrated so she’s back with an IV. That has caused her face to get really swollen, but that is the least of the concerns, as they were told. She is getting thinning medication every 12 hours, and that is supposed to help the blood flow so that it can go through the clot and open up more collateral blood vessels. They were surprised that Sophia hadn’t had symptoms of the blood clots; they think that she must have a good amount of collateral blood vessels that has kept a good supply of blood going through the brain. Please pray that she’ll come out of this new hurdle okay, that they will find a reason for the fever so that they can treat it.

Mantilla-twitch to both Simon-Peter and Dominican Idaho

Another Set of Blogs For The Roll

A friend of mine has started a new blog... newhousenewjob emailed me to say that, having followed my blog for a couple of months and been totally frustrated by not knowing how to post comments, she just had to start one of her own: Just Doing My Best.

I was delighted to note that I was her first link... and also her first visitor! Pop along to say hello some time soon!

Then there are some more blogs which have come to my notice: The Clam Rampant (what a great name!) is Kasia's blog. I think she is planning to join the Church at Easter.

I mentioned Aggie Catholic before, but I've just added him to my blogroll; I've also added To Jesus Through Mary (another good blog.)

Heheheheh...

I've just upgraded SiteMeter... it now gives me the exact IP address (unique to each computer) of all my visitors. So, if you've ever sent me an email, I have your number...

*rubs hands in glee and cackles madly*

Starting A Trend?

My profile photo is definitely taken from my most flattering angle, namely the back of my head! Now I see that Northern Cleric has taken a leaf out of my book and posted his own profile photo... and rather snazzy it looks too! I particularly like the cloak...

Lenten Meme

The Catholic Warrior has tagged me for this one: I am happy to oblige...

1. What is your favourite Sorrowful Mystery?
"The Agony in the Garden." It reminds me of the inspiration which came to me when I first returned to the Church... Jesus knew all the sins I would commit, and he still went ahead and died for me... even if I had been the only person to be saved as a result of his Passion and Death, he still would have died for me... and he faced up to the awful truth of what sin is and what it does to the whole of Creation right there in the Garden of Gethsemane. And it was so horrible, it caused him to sweat blood.

2. What is your favourite Station of the Cross?
More difficult... I think if I had to choose one, it would have to be "Veronica Wipes the Face of Jesus." In view of what Jesus was suffering, and what he still had to suffer, Veronica wiping his face must seem somewhat pointless. The immediate response, for a cynical soul like me is, "...And like that's gonna help like how, exactly?" And yet, the image of Our Lord's face was left on the veil. And the tradition of Veronica's veil was considered important enough to be passed on through the centuries. It's hugely encouraging: no matter how small and insignificant our actions, sacrifices, resolutions, no matter how much we feel that our protests against immorality and suchlike are ineffectual and feeble, Christ values each little effort made for his sake.

3. Do you fast during Lent?
Ummm... depends what you mean by "fast." If you mean "give up stuff you really like," then yes, I fast. If you mean fasting as in "Ash Wednesday is a day of fasting" then only Ash Wednesday and Good Friday... though my SD did happen to mention yesterday that fasting on bread and water on Fridays was a salutary exercise. *sighs* Ok, ok, I can take a hint...

4. What is your Lenten Resolution(s)?
I've got a few... Lent is about penance, prayer and almsgiving (twisted by the liberal brigade into the convenient lie, "you don't have to give something up, do something positive instead!" No, my wishy-washy friend, do something positive as well! And anyway, giving up things you enjoy as mastery over your physical desires and as spiritual training to resist sinful desires, as well as sacrifice for the love of God is something positive!!) I don't particularly want to go into full details, but giving up chocolate is one of my penances.

5. Do you use Holy Water during Lent?
Only for blessing myself, heheheh! St Teresa of Avila said that nothing was more effective at frightening off the devil when he came, and so it seems to be a peculiar suggestion not to use it... Hmmn, I wonder where that idea originated...

6. How many times do you go to Mass during Lent?
Every Saturday and Sunday, and during the school holidays, and every other day that I can manage to get to Mass.

Ok, who to tag next? So many of my fellow bloggers have reduced their blogging output for Lent... right, I tag Fr. Tim, Ttony and Northern Cleric.

UPDATE: Ashley is stuck on bedrest for a possible 12 more weeks... now that is definitely taking Lenten penance too far!! And so, to pass the time, I am adding her to my list of Tagees. Ttony and Northern Cleric have posted their memes... Fr. Tim is obviously too busy gloating over having passed the 100,000 visitor mark!! Enjoy!

Lots of Prayers Needed

Ironic Catholic mentioned that a friend of hers is having a bit of a problem pregnancy, and has been ordered to stay in hospital for complete bedrest.

So far, Ashley has completed 23 days - now before any of you student-types get excited at the idea of spending 23 days lounging around, think about this: 23 days stuck in a hospital bed? Where you can't just get up and go for a walk to the local pub with your friends? Same four walls. No choice. AND the worry about how the baby's doing...

I don't know how long she has got until she can get up again, but I think that a few prayers wouldn't go amiss in the meantime. And pop over to her blog and say hello, it'll help to pass the time (especially as so many at St. Blogs have given up blogging for Lent!)

On a related note, Dominican Idaho reports that Sophia (the 7-year-old who had a brain tumour) is making good progress - she's out of Intensive Care, and is starting to walk. She's still got a long road to recovery, and I'm not sure what the situation with her eyesight is, but it is looking very encouraging!