Ways To Relieve Stress...

William on the Hill sent these to me by email. I had received them before, a few years back, and was sure that I'd posted them... however, a quick search failed to bring up more than a reference to Number 1... Not prepared to look a gift-horse in the mouth, I decided to remedy the omission...

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in."

5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

6. In the memo field of all your cheques, write "for sexual favours."

7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."

8. Don't use any punctuation marks.

9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

10. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.

11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

12. Sing along at the opera.

13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

14. Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.

15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you've got a headache.

16. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won!, I won! Third time this week!"

17. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "run for your lives, they're loose!!"

18. Tell your children over dinner: "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."

Oh, and as the post where I made a reference to gag number 1 had a funny video attached, I thought I'd re-post it...