New Technology To Curtail Liturgical Abuses...

Larry D reports that Vatican officials have been considering the deployment of a "pain beam" to help correct liturgical abuses.

When asked what applications the Vatican foresees with the A.I.D., the source only said that it would be an excellent deterrent against error-filled homilies, or would dissuade priests from leaving the sanctuary during the Sign of Peace, or perhaps drop liturgical dancers in their tracks...

..."It's not behavioral modification per se," one said, "but gentle fraternal correction...well, maybe not so gentle, but still - I know of several dioceses that could use one in nearly every parish."

"One of the corporal works of mercy is to admonish the sinner," another pointed out. "No one ever said you can't admonish someone chewing gum during Mass with a laser beam from forty feet."

"We might be witnessing the end of applause during Mass," a third said. "I'm all for it."

Go over to Acts of the Apostasy if you need a good giggle...