Customer Relations Department
Ye Olde True Love Gift Shoppe
Santa's Grotto, North Pole
Dear Sir,
One might assume that one is extracting the Michael. Ten Lords, a-leaping? Have you actually watched the Parliamentary Channel? I suspect not, or you would know that most of them have one foot in the grave already, and the only leaping that might be done is the skirmish amongst the relatives as the will is being read out.
So, no, sorry. We can't supply any leaping Lords. Better luck next time.
Yours faithfully,
Mary Christmas.
Dear Ms Christmas;
ReplyDeleteyou have clearly never watched the Commons v Lords rugby match; or cricket match, come to that - some of those peers can be very nifty in the slips, you know !
However, I'm more than happy to be settle for Lords with courtesy titles - the younger son of a Duke, for example, is Lord X; and I'm sure a quick check at Eton would find at least ten of those for you.
Will you please stop making silly excuses, use some lateral thinking, and start delivering . . . otherwise I shall set my True Love's cat (who first appeared on a Monday) onto you !
Yours &c.