Monday, 28 December 2009

Third Day Of Christmas...

Customer Relations Department
Ye Olde True Love Gift Shoppe
Santa's Grotto, North Pole

Dear Sir,

I am writing with regard to your latest order, namely French hens (3).

Be advised that the above items are currently out of stock. This is due to industrial action by French farmers and lorry drivers (they always seem to strike over Christmas, between you and me I think they just want to extend their holidays a bit!) and their blockade of the ports.

French hens are vastly overrated: they are generally on the scrawny side and smell of garlic. Have you considered buying British? Sussex and Orpington are quite nice, you know.

If we can be of any further assistance, please do not hesitate to contact us.

Yours faithfully,

Miss L. Toe.

on

8 comments:

  1. Joe10:01 am

    Surely Amazon.com is the answer! Free delivery, too ....

    ReplyDelete
  2. Elizabeth5:59 pm

    Now before we criticise three french hens remember what that they signify (other than coq au vin), i.e.
    the three theological virtues of faith, hope and charity and the the gifts of the Magi - gold, frankincense and myrrh.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Mulier Fortis7:02 pm

    Elizabeth - that explains why there are three of them, not why they have to be French...!
    ;-P

    ReplyDelete
  4. Victoria4:26 am

    Elizabeth, it would appear that this is an urban legend.

    http://www.snopes.com/holidays/christmas/music/12days.asp

    ReplyDelete
  5. Dominic Mary9:57 am

    Surely three French hens would be 'Liberté, Egalité, Fraternité' anyway; not Faith, Hope, and Love ?

    However, under EU Council Directive 96/D507 hens cannot be nationals of Member States unless they are possessed of an Appellation Controlée (or equivalent) such as 'Poulet de Bresse'. Otherwise they are merely 'EU Hens'. All references to national hens should therefore be amended accordingly.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Zephyrinus4:01 pm

    Dominic Mary. You are quiet correct with your EU Council Directive etc. However, you omitted to mention the following requirements for humans wishing to keep Hens (French) (Poulet de Bresse) (Appellation Controlee): Method Statement; Third Party Chicken Liability Insurance (Pecks); Elf & Safety Documentation; Coop (Construction)(Safety)Installation Methods. Thank you for bringing this matter to our attention.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Dymphna5:01 pm

    I don't know if Snopes can be trusted in this. The owners are athiests.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Elizabeth8:35 pm

    It's obvious why they have to be french, the rhyme would be wrong if they were transilvanian.

    ReplyDelete