Customer Relations Department
Ye Olde True Love Gift Shoppe
Santa's Grotto, North Pole
Dear Sir,
Re: Catalogue Item #365 Birds, Calling (4)
I regret to inform you that we have been unable to proceed with this order as you failed to indicate which phone company and tariff you wished to employ. O2 do a very nice deal, but their birds only call friends and family on a fixed BT landline. Orange and Vodafone have calls to birds, but only on "09xx" prefix Premium Rate numbers, and I doubt that this is what you have in mind for your true love.
Please do not hesitate to call if you have any further queries.
Yours faithfully,
Miss L. Toe
I am really enjoying these posts and have posted them on a discussion board in Australia - citing this blog of course.
ReplyDeleteI remember receiving many years ago a book which was similar to this but from the point of view of the poor woman who received all of these gifts and had to house and feed them. Her letters to her swain, which started off all lovey dovey, became increasingly hysterical in tone and the originally beautiful caligraphy deteriorated markedly until all one could see was chicken scratchings among the ink blots. Memory tells me that it concluded with a drawing of her being taken away by an ambulance. It was a hoot.