Women: An Interpreter's Guide...

After having battled with an office printer and a photocopier last week, I went out for lunch. After some considerable time had elapsed, I went to the Ladies... and caught sight of myself in the mirror. I had large black toner thumbprints on my nose, cheek and chin.

Horrified, I challenged my lunch companion: "Why didn't you tell me? Don't try to tell me you didn't notice... We've been sitting here for ages..."

Apparently, he didn't want to offend me.

The implication was that, for men, commenting on a woman's appearance is a bit of a minefield.

So I thought the occasional bit of advice might be in order.

First of all, gentlemen, please note that responses are often context-dependant. Take the simple question, "Does this look ok?" occasionally phrased, "How do I look?"

It usually means something along the lines of "Does my bum look big in this?" or "Do I look like mutton dressed as lamb?"

The reply given depends on the context... if the question is being asked at home (before going out), or in a shop's changing room (before purchasing the item concerned) then an honest answer is called for. If, on the other hand, the question is asked while "out" (at a party or other public situation) then the answer should always indicate that the item looks very nice indeed. If there are concerns that female friends might indicate a contrary view, it is advisable to preface the comment with "I think" or "In my opinion," which suggests that any contrary opinion is purely a subjective one... and you won't be accused of lying, but merely considered to have very poor taste.

Ok, that's a start. I think there's a book just waiting to be written... so, all you chaps, this is your chance to get the questions which have you flummoxed into the com-box, and girls, here's your opportunity to air the most glaring misunderstandings you've encountered...