Fly In The Ointment...

This made me chuckle. It pretty much ranks up there with "Face it, hippies, it's over..." as one of my all-time favourite quotes.

Twitch of the mantilla to the Pastor in Valle who spotted it first.

One-ape-manship?

The UK has sunk pretty low in the morality stakes after passing laws to allow human-animal hybrids and "saviour" siblings.

But Spain has, I think, just trumped the UK in the crazy stakes. They now want to introduce legislation giving rights to apes.

John Smeaton has a very clear exposition of why this is completely illogical - especially in view of the fact that Spain allows unborn human babies no rights at all.

Wow!

I was ever so disappointed that, due to the dates of our Parish Pilgrimage to Lourdes, I missed my friend's wedding. She has finally returned from her honeymoon, and has even gone so far as to abandon her avoidance of being snapped... a selection of her wedding photos is now on her blog, with the promise of more!

Below you can see Newhousenewjob, along with New Man, looking totally radiant. Many congratulations to the two of them.



I have two questions for the happy couple...

1) Did you save me any wedding cake?

2) When do I get invited round for lunch/dinner to be shown all the wedding and honeymoon photos??

Fasting Before Communion

The inimitable Fr. Z has a post on extending the fast before Communion. At the moment, the Church requires communicants to fast from food and drink (other than water) for an hour before Communion. Canon lawyer Dr. Edward Peters suggests calculating the fast from the start of Mass and extending the requirement to three hours before Mass.

I have to say that I believe the argument for calculating the fast from the beginning of Mass overwhelming. Sunday Mass generally lasts about 45 minutes (well, the Novus Ordo ones I've attended last that long, unless they're special events like Confirmation Masses - in which case they're even longer.) If you're calculating the fast from the time of receiving Communion, you are basically starting the fast about 20 minutes before Mass. Unless you scoot in just before the Entrance Procession, that means that you just have to refrain from eating or drinking as you make your way to church. Effectively, this isn't a fast undertaken as deliberate preparation for the reception of Our Lord's Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity.

Re-introducing the obligation of a three-hour fast strikes me as a very good idea. People would have to consider carefully whether they wished to communicate at the Mass, and would have to plan (and prepare) accordingly. I think it would help to interrupt the assumption that reception of the Blessed Sacrament is automatic just because a person was present at Mass.

Three hours is not an overly taxing period to go without food. If Mass was very early, say 8:30am, then a person could just skip breakfast, and have a leisurely brunch after Mass. This is hardly an impossible task: many people have a very lengthy lie-in on Sunday mornings, surfacing some time around 11am wanting to be fed... it's the explanation many give for preferring to attend evening Mass!

Alternatively, if the Mass attended was later, say 10:30am, then, should breakfast be considered absolutely essential, a person could arrange to get up early and have breakfast before 7:30am...

Of course, fasting from midnight is even more salutary...

Lager and Ale...

I am not keen on Real Ale. I have been known to drink it, when it was the only option, but I'm definitely not an aficionado. I associate the stuff with the comic book "Asterix in Britain" where Asterix and Obelix are horrified to discover that the locals drink warm beer and eat boiled meat, both considered to be culinary atrocities. A very funny book... and, being brought up in a family of (semi-European) wine and spirits consumers, I hadn't realised how much warm beer was part of the national stereotype.

Now I know better. All the traddies in my parish are into Real Ale. They are quite scathing about lager, and Jonathan actually nicknamed the brew "Novus Ordo Eurofizz" to demonstrate his contempt for the stuff... a name which has caught on. The parish club has been persuaded to get in a supply of Real Ale on tap, as well as the bottled variety.

Curiously, there is a special blessing, in the Old Rite, for beer... I believe that Fr. Tim is waiting for the most opportune moment, and I shall endeavour to capture the occasion for posterity (and the blogosphere!)

Anyway, it seems that Real Ale is having a bit of a resurgence in popularity, and not just in our club. The Daily Telegraph has more on the boom in Real Ale sales HERE.

That Time Again...

Yes, folks, I've been sent another blonde joke. I'm too tired out after tonight's Parents' Evening to post on anything more serious... you can find that stuff by visiting the usual suspects (the Brighton Blogger, His Hermeneuticalness, the chap with the Latin dictionary, etc. etc.) ... but blonde jokes are my own speciality, so....

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive double-pane energy-efficient kind.

Yesterday, I got a call from the contractor who installed them.

He was complaining that the windows had been installed a whole year ago and I hadn't paid for them yet.

Now just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am stupid. So I told him just exactly what his fast-talking sales-rep had told me last year, namely that, in just one year, these super-dooper windows would pay for themselves!

"Helllooooo!" I told him, "It's been a year!"

There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up... He hasn't called back, probably too embarrassed about forgetting the guarantee they made me. Bet he won't underestimate my intelligence again...

Empire Building

I was surprised at how many people responded to my last post on Ikariam, the web browser game which lets you build up a civilisation. I'm curious to find out whether people stuck with the game, or got bored and moved off to pastures new. I do know that a certain blogging priest admitted to having checked on "his people" first thing in the morning before heading off to Westminster Cathedral for the Pontifical High Mass, and wanted to know how many towns I had!

Well, time for an update: I have four towns, and the capital is at level 17 (a maximum capacity of 1541 individuals.) All four of my towns are at maximum capacity, and I am holding back on increasing capacity for the moment as I'm keen to get a fifth town up and running. I haven't decided which resource I shall try to get... marble seems to be the most useful commodity for building and expansion purposes, but I'm not sure I'll be able to keep my citizens happy unless I can increase my wine production...

...and some time on Thursday morning, my scientists should have succeeded in researching bureaucracy, and I'm intrigued as to what will happen next.

So far, my capital city has progressed from this...

...to this...

...and somehow, by dint of arranging museum collections for them to admire and keeping them supplied with plenty of wine in the tavern, I have succeeded in making my citizens very happy indeed...

Interesting...

You Are a Boston Creme Donut

You have a tough exterior. No one wants to mess with you. But on the inside, you're a total pushover and completely soft. You're a traditionalist, and you don't change easily. You're likely to eat the same doughnut every morning, and pout if it's sold out.

What Donut Are You?

Mantilla-twitch to that fellow Boston-Creme Donut, Karen.

Proof...

...that Martin Luther didn't check his till receipts properly...

Not Silenced... Just Relocated...

Before you start to panic, and assume that the Bishops of England and Wales and the Tabletistas have successfully dismembered Damian Thompson and buried his remains along with those of his blog, be assured that the blog and its author are not deceased... but Mr Thompson's blog has moved.

Not quite sure why...

But anyway, you can find it HERE. Mantilla-twitch to the Pastor in Valle.

His picture is an improvement.

Stand Up For The Truths Of Our Faith? Don't Be Silly...

I was very, very sad to read that the Catholic Children's Society (Southwark, A&B and Portsmouth, I presume... unlike Westminster) has demonstrated a distinct lack of backbone in the face of the latest government legislation with regard to placing children with homosexual couples for adoption.

I'm too disgusted by this to go into the details here. I can only say that, following the

"two-year period of dialogue and reflection between the Society and its President and Vice Presidents - the Archbishop of Southwark, the Bishop of Arundel & Brighton and the Bishop of Portsmouth"

that the aforementioned Bishops will take steps to ensure that the Society no longer calls itself "Catholic" as it is blatantly failing to uphold the teachings of the Catholic Church, and also that the Bishops will dissociate themselves from this Society (including the cessation of Christmas Crib collections.)

You can read the Society's self-justifying statement HERE, if you have the stomach for it. Mantilla-twitch to Fr. Fisher.

Which Bit Of "Contraception Doesn't Work" Do They Not Understand?

Surprise, surprise... the number of abortions is higher than ever. And the number of under-16s having abortions is higher than ever too.

So what is the response of the British government? Hmmmn. Let's see...

Health Minister Dawn Primarolo said, "Contraception plays a vital role in preventing teenage pregnancy and earlier this year I announced a further investment of £26.8m to improve women's access to contraception and help reduce the number of abortions, repeat abortions and teenage pregnancies."

Actually, no. The wide availability of contraception, especially to under-age school children, encourages the idea that one can have sex without any consequences, because it's "safe" sex. The fact that, according to groups who work with women in crisis pregnancies (such as the Sisters of the Gospel of Life, SPUC and the Good Counsel Network), the majority of women and girls they see were using one or more forms of contraception when they became pregnant is somehow overlooked in the official statistics.

Government advisers called for high quality sex education at school and investment in contraception services for young people.

Gill Frances, chair of the Teenage Pregnancy Independent Advisory Group, said: "We know what works to reduce abortion amongst teenagers.

"We need high quality sex and relationships education at school and at home and effective contraception."

Actually, again, no. They obviously don't know what works, because abortions among teenagers is rising. Rising means "going up," and they have had Sex Education at school since I was at school... after more than 25 years of teaching teenagers about the mechanics of sex and how to prevent conception, you think that, if it was going to prove effective, it would have done so by now.

Julie Bentley, chief executive at the FPA (Family Planning Association) said sex and relationship education should be compulsory in every school.

"Younger women are making different choices about their lives and choosing abortion over motherhood, but education and contraceptive services will stop them becoming pregnant in the first place."

Actually, yet again, no. (Getting repetitive, this!) Sex Education is already taught in every Secondary School. It is not "compulsory" in that parents can withdraw their children from these lessons... but in actual fact, very few parents do so... and their children aren't generally the ones to get pregnant. Contraceptive services are pushed left, right and centre. You can't read a magazine or newspaper, or visit a public toilet without some form of contraception being brought to your attention. And if you miss the talks from the school nurse, you can bet your bottom dollar that the careers service (those wonderful people from Connexions) will make sure that you don't remain in ignorance (or innocence) for very long.

So, how many times does a government advisor have to put two and two together and get four before they can bring themselves to accept that four is actually the correct answer?

All quotes taken from BBC News. Twitch of the mantilla to the Hound of Heaven. And I hope his hair grows back faster than mine!

Recepción a los lectores de España…

Checking out my blog stats (as you do...), I noticed an upsurge of hits from a Spanish site. Intrigued, I followed the link...

...and discovered that I'd made it onto a Spanish blog/web page dedicated to the Extraordinary Form. I employed the BabelFish to work out what they were saying about me...

"PRIEST AT ANY MOMENT. 19/06/08. The author of blog Mulier Fortis, shows this likeable photography of her parish priest in an English pub. The religious life is not incompatible with a beer..."

Quite!

One For My Transatlantic Buddies...

Just to make y'all feel warm and fuzzy... petrol in the UK is selling for about 122.9 pence per litre. An American gallon is 3.76 litres (I think...) which means that (at today's exchange rate) petrol is on sale for $9.04 per gallon...

Ok, so how much are you lot paying??

Mantilla-twitch to Jay2gsm for the cartoon...

Nothing To Do With Apples...

This video clip is really good. I almost wish I were still teaching RE so that I could show it in class...

Twitch of the mantilla to Fr. Ray Blake.

One Of Those Moments To Treasure...

Occasionally the children I teach come out with comments which restore my faith in human nature.

I had one of those moments today.

Thank You...

It started badly - I overslept, so by the time I got to the photocopier there was a queue. I then had a registration cover, and then another lesson to make me feel really good.

By the time I got to my second lesson (the one to be observed) I was feeling distinctly queasy. Still, the class settled down quickly to complete the starter activity, and I thought I'd survive.

And then the Head of Biology didn't turn up...

After 10 minutes, I decided that the stress of rescheduling (and anticipating) the observation was worse than the stress of being observed, so I sent a member of staff off to look for him.

He was profuse in his apologies (he thought it was scheduled for Friday) but was happy to observe the rest of the lesson, which was a relief for me. And he was very complimentary, so I am off the hook... until next term!

Prayers Please...

I've got a lesson observation by the Head of Biology tomorrow.

Even though it sounds really strange, I hate being observed when I teach.

Thirty children and two Learning Support Assistants, plus any Science Technicians who happen to be passing through don't count as "observers."

One adult with a clipboard reduces me to a quivering jelly.

A Question Of Perspective...

A friend of mine is getting married this Summer. Her younger sisters are still growing, and a lot can happen between dress fittings and Wedding Day. The eldest bridesmaid-to-be contemplated an after-dinner chocolate biscuit.

"I'll give up biscuits tomorrow," she announced.


"Anyway," she added, with unassailable logic, "The dress isn't too small, it fits perfectly. I just can't breathe in it..."

Science Lesson...

I decided to have some fun today. And just to prove that I'm a real Science teacher, I thought I'd share... There aren't many genetics experiments which can be carried out in school labs, but this is one which can even be done at home... Extracting DNA from kiwi fruit.

First, chop up one kiwi fruit. (Memo to self: peel the fruit first, numbskull!) Add 50 mls (approx) washing-up liquid, a tablespoon of salt and half a litre of warm water (not hot, or you'll denature the DNA!)

Stir, and leave for 20 minutes. Then put the mixture in the freezer for 10 minutes.

Take the mixture out of the freezer (it should be cold) and put it in a liquidiser: blend it for 10 seconds.

Filter the mixture using a coffee filter paper. This step is optional, but it means that the experiment works better.

Take about 10 ml of the filtrate and put it in a glass. Add a squirt of pineapple juice (yes, pineapple juice has protein-digesting enzymes in it... oh, and your flesh is made of protein, so go easy on the pina coladas!)

Carefully add ice-cold ethanol (vodka will do if you are trying this at home) down the side of the glass, so that the ethanol forms a clear layer on top of the filtrate.

Leave the glass to stand for five minutes.

You should see a white cloudy lump forming in the ethanol - voilà! You have extracted kiwi fruit DNA !